


If You Have Something to Say (say it to me now)

by DaddyBuckyMuffin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Cheating, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Gay Sex, Gay Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, I said there was cheating so dont @ me, Let's call it a medium burn, Love Triangles, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow-ish burn, Steve is a soldier, Steve is kind of a jerk, have another love triangle story cuz I love them, people fucking up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaddyBuckyMuffin/pseuds/DaddyBuckyMuffin
Summary: Steve's life was going well, he had a rich genius boyfriend that worshiped the ground he walked on.  He wants to move in with Tony and put his tortured past in the military behind him.  Then his oldest friend of 14 years runs to him after being abused by his girlfriend and throws a wrench in his plans.  Also, where did all these old feelings come from?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 40
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1: Scratching at the Surface Now

“Oh, you son-of-a-bitch!” Sam yelled, trying to run as fast as Steve on the track around the empty football field. They usually met at the track field early in the morning to train, 5 days a week.

“Come get me then!” laughed Steve over his shoulder as he ran just ahead of him. It was foggy that morning in the light of the barely rising sun.

The pair had been friends for about 6 years, since they met each other at a veterans day festival. Steve was sent home from the army after he developed PTSD and could no longer serve on the battlefield. 

Previously during his tour in Pakistan, Steve saved his entire team from terrorists and on the way out, his lifelong best friend Bucky, was blown up and lost an arm. Luckily, Bucky survived but Steve hadn’t seen him in years since he was honorably discharged.

Steve had no serious injuries (except for the mental ones) and was moved to a low-risk job at a base in New York.

Sam was also honorably discharged from the air force when his partner died in his arms on the field and got his degree in psychology. He currently worked as a guidance counselor for High School kids.

The two men would go to group therapy together and tried to be each other’s allies when either of them had a flashback or nightmares. If Steve couldn’t get in touch with Sam, he had his boyfriend.

Steve and Tony met when he got his base job. Tony was the head weapons specialist at Stark Industries. The Army employed the genius/mechanic to maintain the operation software for the base weapons used for training.

Of Course Tony was able to charm the pants off of Steve. When they met, he was immediately flirting with the devastatingly beautiful blonde man. Then Tony started taking him to many fancy dinner dates since his pay grade was a bit higher than Steve’s. 

After a few months of casually going out together, Tony finally asked to make them official.

At first Steve was reluctant, saying they were technically coworkers. Tony assured him he was only there maybe 4 times a year for maintenance. He was a glorified handyman or an IT guy, completely compliant with the base employee rulebook.

They had been together for 2 years, soon becoming the longest relationship either of them had ever had.

As Sam and Steve collapsed against the base of a tree outside the football field, they tried to calm their breathing as they swigged from their water bottles.

It was late summer, so the weather was still pretty warm but getting colder every day.

“Going to the group meeting tonight?” Sam asked, referring to their therapy.

“I can’t, it’s me and Tony’s anniversary.” said Steve,swigging water.

“Oh yeah. Where are you two going?”

“Le Bernardin?” Steve said, unsure of how to say it, “It’s one of those French places Tony likes where I can’t read the menu.”

“I know that place. Very romantic and pricey. Do you think he is...ya know?”

Steve looked over at his friend, confused. He saw Sam's delighted expression, “Do I think he’s what?”

“Gonna...propose?” he exclaimed.

Steve laughed, “I mean...I don’t know. This is the first real relationship with a man I have ever been in. I don’t really know how all that is supposed to work. Also I’ve never been with someone long enough to even consider marriage. I guess...I haven’t thought about it at all...”

“Well, you two have been together for about what, a couple years? That’s usually what happens around that time. I don’t think gender roles matter anymore when it comes to proposals anyway. When either of you feels it’s the right time, just go for it.”

Sitting back, Steve nodded to himself, feeling flushed a little at the realization. Was it the right time? What if Tony WAS planning to propose that night? Great, now he is wondering if he should get his hopes up. 

Wait, did that mean he WANTED to marry Tony? 

Steve couldn’t focus at work for the rest of the day, nervous in the back of his mind. 

After leaving work at the Army base, he arrived in his small one bedroom apartment to ravage his closet. It was hard for him to put together the sexiest and fanciest outfit he could since he kept second guessing himself.

Tony sent him a text announcing that he would be by to pick him up in about an hour.

Steve showered and practiced his reactions in the mirror so he was prepared. He settled on a simple black tailored suit. His tie was a red and gold pattern, Tony’s favorite tie he had bought for him.

As soon as Steve applied his cologne, he got the message that his boyfriend was outside.

Tony sat in the back seat of the black on black luxury SUV when Steve got down to the sidewalk. The open back window revealed the cheery smile and stunning silver and black suit Tony was wearing.

He smiled and slid in, closing the door and saying “Hi.” “Hi, baby.” replied Tony, staring into his eyes.

Smiling back at his boyfriend, Steve heard Tony tell the driver they were ready to go.

A partition went up between the front and back seat.

Steve didn’t even notice it was there until it moved. The car started down the street and the back window rolled up.

Tony scooted over immediately and put his hand around his lover’s tiny waist, “You look...fucking delicious.” He licked his lips as he smelled the fancy cologne Steve had on, smelling like sex in a new car.

“Thank you.” smirked Steve, admiring his neatly groomed goatee and professionally styled hair. It was a little on the longer sides, but curled adorably at the ends. “You are handsome as always, Tony.”

Tony leaned up to kiss the taller man, then moved down to leave open mouth kisses on his neck a few times. 

Steve groaned, “Fuck...Hey!” He received a love bite, sending blood straight to his cock.

Laughing, Tony sat back, “Sorry, I just love you in a suit.”

“We are celebrating tonight at a 5 star restaurant, you know you can’t get me worked up.” He tried to sound stern, but his face was playful. Steve adjusted his slacks a little.

“It’s a black suit in a dark place. They’d never know.” whispered Tony seductively, “We could get a table in the corner, sit side by side under a long table cloth…” 

Tony’s left hand started to creep across Steve’s thigh to cup his dick.

The breath caught in Steve’s throat. The brunette man was being very frisky. 

Was Tony distracting himself because he was nervous about proposing?

Steve mentally told himself to slow down and gently moved the hand away that was fondling him. “You better stop before we have to cancel the reservation.” he warned playfully.

Finally, Tony sat back in his seat with a pout but kept a tight arm around his love.

They arrived at the restaurant and were seated in a dim booth in the corner. There weren’t that many people in there that night since it was a Thursday.

Immediately as they were seated, a waiter came by and filled their glasses with water. He also placed a plate down containing a sliced loaf of french bread and whipped butter. Tony ordered a fine bottle of red wine for the table.

As their wine was being poured, Tony waved the menus away and ordered 2 filets with potatoes. He extended his hand across the table, Steve grabbed it to hold.

They smiled at each other softly as a piano player in the center of the dining room began to play a soft jazz song.

“Wine? Red Meat?” said Steve curiously, “You sure you’ll be okay?”

Tony had a heart condition due to a nasty cocaine habit in his college days. Now he was in his late 30s, he was visiting the doctor and his home gym more frequently. Typically he stuck to a strict diet.

Tony nodded, “Always worried about me…” His voice was soft and loving. “We’re celebrating, darling. Red wine is heart healthy. Also, I haven’t had red meat in months. It’s okay for every once and awhile.”

Steve sipped the wine in front of him and hummed in approval at how sweet it tasted.

As he set the glass down delicately, he heard Tony’s voice even though it was low. “God, you’re beautiful.” 

Blushing, Steve looked up at him with a smile.

“I’m so happy I’ve spent the last few years with a sweet, young, gorgeous soldier like you.” Tony told him.

Was this going to happen now?

Steve’s pulse sped up and he bit his lip. His heart flooded with warmth. “I’m so lucky to have you, Tony. You’ve shown me things I would have never seen on my own. I’ve never had a love like this.”

Tony raised his own glass of wine and held it toward Steve’s happily, “I love you. Happy Anniversary. Cheers.”

Steve did the same. They clinked glasses and sipped together.

“I love you too. Happy Anniversary.” smiled Steve. His hand was lifted to the brunette man’s lips and a kiss was placed on his knuckles.

They got their food, enjoying the expensive but delicious meal. The only conversation while they ate was about the performing jazz pianist.

When they finished eating, Steve emptied the last of the bottle of wine into his glass, waiting for the big question to come.

Tony smirked across the candle lit table, “So, I have something to ask you...and I just thought this was perfect timing since it’s our anniversary. Feel free to say no if you don’t feel ready yet. I will totally understand.”

Steve’s heart pounded as he kept a straight face and tried to mentally prepare himself.

Oh fuck.

Reaching into his jacket pocket, Tony pulled out a box that looked too big and too flat to contain a ring. He let out an uncomfortable laugh and opened it toward Steve, “Steve, baby, would you move in with me?” 

The box opened to reveal a little golden key.

A laugh huffed out of Steve and he met Tony’s eyes, “You want to move in together?”

“Well yeah,” said Tony happily, “your lease is up in a month anyway. I have plenty of rooms for you and your stuff. You sleep over 3 nights a week. Just stop making me sleep without you the other 4.” His bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

Steve smirked at him quietly for a second. Moving in together would definitely be more feasible than marriage. “I guess you’re right. I would like to live a little closer to the base.” 

“So what do you say?” Tony asked, eyebrows worried.

Nodding, he said “Yes. I think that’s a great idea.”

Excitedly, Tony slid out of his side of the booth and stepped over to Steve’s side to lean down and kiss him. They both laughed as they pulled back since the waiter stood around holding their desserts. He was trying not to interrupt.

“Sorry.” commented Tony as he sat back in his seat.

“Not at all.” smiled the waiter, placing their dishes dinners in front of them.

Steve thanked the server and he walked off. 

Picking up his fork to dig in, Tony said “I’m so excited. I think you should stay over tonight to honor the next step in our relationship.”

“I got work tomorrow morning at 9 am. I don’t have any clothes with me.” 

“So we’ll pick your clothes up on the way back to my place.” suggested Tony, “This is a beautiful night for us and I want to celebrate on my big bed by worshipping you.”

Steve’s lips curled into a half smile, “Okay okay...I’ll run up and grab my work clothes.”

Tony grabbed his hand and kissed it once again, making a dramatic “Muah” noise.

The two of them grabbed a car and headed back to Steve’s then Tony’s.

The mechanic engineer had a 3 story apartment with 5 bedrooms and 2.5 baths, the top floor was open and also Tony’s home lab/gym. 

As Steve entered Tony’s sleek modern bedroom, he dropped his bag on the love seat and slipped off his tie.

Tony followed him, doing the same.

They started to kiss and strip each other, ending up naked on Tony’s bed with Steve on his back and his slightly smaller boyfriend on top of him. 

Tony was straddling him kissing down Steve’s chest, taking his time and pushing his ass against the hard cock leaking behind him. 

“I want to really play tonight and take my time.” whispered Tony.

“Go ahead.” Steve smiled under him.

Suddenly Tony sprung off the bed and went over to his bedside table to rummage through the drawers.

To his surprise, Tony sat next to him on the bed holding lubricant and a red smooth vibrator.

Oh.

Squeezing the lube onto his hand, the brunette man reached gentle fingers down to Steve’s hole. The noises his muscular blonde boyfriend was making made Tony smile and add more fingers one at a time.

When Steve was stretched open, Tony lubed up the vibrator and slid it into him slowly. He clicked it on to the first speed of vibrations. 

With a huff, Steve threw his head back and bit his lip. Whines were punched out of Steve as Tony began to thrust the toy against his prostate, stretching him even more at the same time.

Tony groaned while he watched him. He turned the speed of the vibrator up even more.

“Tony!” Steve moaned, cupping his own hard cock.

“Love making you fall apart, baby.” he said back in a low voice. Tony leaned down to take the hands off of Steve’s cock. Without hesitation, he dip his head down to start sucking off his lover.

After Steve came into his lovers wanting mouth, Tony fucked him into oblivion. He was slow and teasing and passionate, making sure the blonde, younger man knew how much he cared about his pleasure.

Tony absolutely worshipped him like he promised. 

They cleaned up and held each other close, still naked and groping and kissing every piece of exposed skin. Whispers of “I love you.” and “I love you more.” rang out in the dark bedroom until they both fell asleep.

The next morning, Tony’s alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. Steve groaned and turned it off as they both started to sit up.

“Mornin’.” smiled Tony.

Steve smiled back and gave him a chaste kiss.

“What do you want for breakfast, my love? I got to go in by 9.” Tony said, smirking lovingly up at him.

“I'd like some…” Steve’s email notification on his phone interrupted him. He reached over to the nightstand on his side and grabbed it. “Oh yeah, I was expecting an important package. It’s already been delivered. I have to run to my place to get it before work. Sorry babe, I don’t think I have time.”

The brunette man pouted his plump lips, “Are you sure we can’t pick you up some bagels on the way to your place?”

“I’ll be fine. I just don’t want anyone stealing my package. It’s a one of a kind.” 

“Still collecting family artifacts?” laughed Tony.

“You know it. I managed to track down my great-grandfather’s metals. They are made out of silver!” When Steve’s boyfriend shook his head, he worried for a second. “If we’re moving in together is that a problem that I like to research my heritage and collect World War 2 artifacts? We could sell them to a museum one day, ya know.”

Looking a little offended, then happy, Tony told him “It’s absolutely fine, honeybun. You can have your very own office to do with what you please. You’re in the military, it makes sense that you are interested in these things. The men in your family were all soldiers and that’s pretty cute that you want to know everything about them.”

Steve nodded with a side smile and got up to get dressed in his work clothes, “It’s not cute.”

“Yes you are, my little history nerd.” Tony said happily.

Rolling his eyes, Steve got his things together and hurried over to Tony still sitting on the bed. They shared a short kiss and said I love you. The blonde man hurried out the door in his army uniform, overnight bag slung over his shoulder.

When Steve arrived at his building, he went inside and ran up the stairs to his second floor apartment. 

Just as he was emerging from the door to the staircase, he spotted his package on his welcome mat in the purple hallway. However, there was also a man dressed in a black denim jacket and pants sitting on the floor, leaning against the door to his apartment.

The man had his head down and his knees curled up to his chest, therefore Steve couldn’t tell if he was sleeping or not. He lived in a building with a buzzer door, but it was busted sometimes and his older more senile neighbors were trusting enough to let people in from time to time.

Steve became nervous and started to tiptoe toward him cautiously, wishing he had brought his firearm with him the night before. 

When was right in front of the man, he said aloud “Who the hell is-”

The man’s face shot up and looked at him, making Steve jump back and gasp as he said “Bucky?”

He should have noticed that he had a prosthetic arm but Bucky was wearing gloves and his hair was longer and hung around his face, neatly over one eye. It appeared he was starting to wake up. “S-Steve?” he said, looking relieved, “Steve.”

It had been about 2 years since he had seen his friend and almost a year since he had a good phone number for him. 

James Buchanon Barnes had a harder time than Steve after the war and after he became an amputee. He was an alcoholic, moved around a lot, and constantly was facing eviction or changing phone numbers so he couldn’t be tracked by creditors. He just couldn’t find anything in life that could stick.

Last Steve heard Bucky had moved into the suburbs of Buffalo with an Italian girlfriend of his. He never judged Bucky’s actions or mistakes, he told his best friend he would always be there if he needed help and he meant it.

Steve had dropped down to squat in front of him and smile, “What’re you doing here, Buck? It’s been a while since I last heard from you.”

Bucky forced a fake smile and adjusted himself to sit up straight, “I uh...just missed you. Thought we should catch up.”

Steve examined his face as he shuffled. The hair covering half his face was an attempt to disguise a black eye behind it. Keeping his voice casual and friendly, Steve asked, “Well, it’s a little early and I need to get to work in a bit. You can always just call if you want to catch up, ya know.”

“I lost my phone.” Bucky laughed, “I… for some reason remembered where you lived and your code to get in and I just couldn’t remember your number. I couldn’t even remember my own sister’s number for Christ sakes.”

“Why are you here at 7 am?” Steve asked, looking him in the eye, trying to get him to stop lying.

Bucky shrugged, “I wanted to take you to breakfast, I was in town. If you don’t have time, I understand.” He stood up, making his camo-clad friend stand with him.

The long haired man had a tight black Jack Daniels t-shirt under his denim jacket and his eyes looked like he didn’t sleep much the night before.

“No, no...I can make time.” said Steve softly, taking off his hat. “Look, you waited for me out here. Why don’t we go inside?”

Biting his lip a little, Bucky asked “Are you sure?” 

Steve bent down to pick up his packing and got the keys out of his pocket to unlock the door, “Yeah, come on.”

They went inside and Steve turned on the light above his tiny round dining table. He had a mostly open floor plan so the light brightened up most of his living room, kitchen, and dining room.

The rising sun was pouring in through the windows.

Bucky looked around with his hands in his pockets, admiring his collection of memorabilia and pictures of him and his parents hanging on the walls. 

“I’ll put up this package and make a phone call. Then I have to change and we can go out to breakfast, okay?” said Steve.

Bucky stopped in front of the picture hanging over the kitchen bar, “Is that...the guy you were seeing?” The picture was taken on a boat in Hampton Beach during a summer vacation. Tony and Steve were shirtless in their rather skimpy bathing suits and the blonde was being kissed on his cheek and embracing the shorter man.

Steve nodded at him with an embarrassed laugh, “Yeah, that’s Tony. Is my plan alright with you?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said, still staring at the picture, “I thought you said you had work though.”

“I’ll make something up. My oldest friend is in town.” he said happily, getting a smile back. Steve hurried to his office and laid the package on his desk to open later then went to his own bedroom to change out of his army uniform.

He started to think about what he could say to his superior when he called in. There was no way he was going to work today. 

His oldest friend was worrying him, but Steve knew he had to remain calm and casual or else Bucky wouldn’t tell him anything about what was going on.

It was very obvious that he showed up to Steve’s building and slept there in the hallway most of the night waiting for him.

They had been friends since they were 13, Steve only wished he would keep in touch and stop getting into terrible relationships like a never ending cycle.

He called in sick to work and changed into jeans and a soft blue sweater.

When he emerged from his room, his stomach started to growl. “You still like Bel-Aire Diner?” 

Bucky smiled. Every time he visited he asked to go back there. It was the only place in Brooklyn where Bucky enjoyed everything on the menu. (And he could afford it.) “Sure.”

They wandered down the stairs and out to the sidewalk to travel the 15 minutes to the diner.

“So, what brought you into town?” asked Steve as they sat in a booth at the diner. 

The two men had to wait to be approached by the waitress to take their drink orders as the menus were at the tables. Business was in full breakfast rush, so they knew they had a few minutes.

Bucky looked up from his menu sheepishly, “I mean...didn’t want to stay in Buffalo, that’s for sure.”

“Are you planning on just visiting...or?” 

“I guess? I have a car and everything I own in 2 suitcases in the back of it. I guess I was thinking about moving back here. I don’t know.”

Steve tried to avoid asking him what was going on outright. “Well what about your family back in Indiana? Have you thought about going to visit them?”

“Nah, since Mom died, old George Barnes wants nothing to do with his fuck-up son. Becca went and got married to some douchebag Republican. I think she is trying to start a family right now. Got no time for her loser big brother. I should probably get a new phone so I can at least reach her on Facebook probably.”

Steve couldn’t help but feel like Bucky was speaking harshly about himself.  
“I’m sorry about your mom. She was always such a sweet lady.” he said softly.

Bucky shrugged and nodded, “Her mouth cancer...came back, so it spread...”  
Steve patted his one hand on the table, “That’s rough, pal.”

“S’okay.” he said quickly before the waitress finally approached them and took their order.

When they got their waters, coffees, and usual food orders, Steve noticed Bucky tucking his hair behind his ear. The movement made Bucky’s black eye completely exposed.

“You gonna tell me who gave you THAT?” asked the blonde, pointing at his eye.

Bucky sighed, “That’s a long story. I might be too tired to go into detail about that just yet.”

The two men started to eat their breakfast.

He wasn’t sure if he believed him, but Steve nodded anyway.

Bucky swallowed some pancakes and asked “So, how are things with you and Tony?”

“Really great. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary last night.”

The sound of Bucky slurping his coffee loudly made Steve look back up at him. 

“So shit is getting real.” he said casually.

Steve examined his face carefully, “Yeah, I’d say so. He uh...asked me to move in with him.”

Bucky went stiff then looked down casually to keep eating, “Wow.”

“I know...me, in a long-term relationship with another guy.” laughed Steve, stabbing his bacon on his plate.

Shaking his head quickly, Bucky said “No, I wasn’t judging or-” 

“I didn’t think you were judging! I was just saying I know I wasn’t ever...dating men before and I didn’t know I would ever pursue something like this.”

Bucky stared into his eyes for a second then said “I guess not.”

They both ate most of their food and sipped at their coffees.

“So how’d you two meet?” Bucky asked.

“At work. His company he works for has a contract with the base.”

“He’s a coworker?”

“No, we just crossed paths in my department.”

“What do you do at the base now?”

“Still human resources and job placement.”

“How’s that?”

“Boring.”

The waitress checked on them and filled their coffees.

“I’m guessing since you said you were thinking about moving, you aren’t with that girl from Buffalo anymore?” asked Steve, sipping at his coffee.

Bucky’s blue and grey eyes stared straight through him. He started to notice the formation of what hit him in the bruise around his temple. 

“She was how I got this.” Bucky flenched, pointing at his black eye.

Steve put down the coffee, looking concerned “She hit you?” 

“She GOT me HIT but didn’t hit me directly. I said I was too tired to talk about this.”

“You just had coffee.” said Steve playfully.

A small smile appeared on Bucky’s lips, “Yea this little 8 ounces of coffee is going to help with being awake for 26 hours.”

“Come on, you can get a nap later. Just tell me what happened, the short version. Please?” he asked lightly.

Bucky took a sip of water and sat back, crossing his prosthetic arm and his real one. “Alright...so basically...I was with that girl, Madison. She got me a good job at a bar with her brother. I was doing well as a barback...I was not even drinking because serving drunks every night kept me off of it.”

“Really?” asked Steve, surprised.

“Yeah. I’ve kept busy and been sober for 16 months.”

“That’s great, Buck.”  
Bucky paused at being given someone’s genuine approval. “Anyway, things were going great. I bought a car and her and I had a place together. Then she started to control me. Madison treated me like shit. She was always telling me what to do and where to go, what to wear. She yelled at me in front of people. Then I started venting to her brother. Then her brother started comforting me...by fucking me.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“She started to get suspicious,” Bucky continued, “when I stopped fucking her completely. Then she figured it out when she caught us getting dressed in the back office at the bar. She screamed at the both of us. I bailed to get my shit from the house and prepared to run away, but...Madison showed up there with her big guido uncle and he got some hits in. Her brother showed up at the last minute and saved me from certain death.”

Steve was leaning toward him listening intensely. He bit his lip and felt his chest ache for his friend. 

Bucky picked up his mug of coffee, “I got out of there and drove away through the night. Then I came to the only friend that was close enough and I thought he could help me. That’s it.”

“So this all happened LAST NIGHT? Jesus, Bucky.” Steve sighed sadly and shook his head, “I’m so sorry.”

Bucky shrugged and sipped his coffee, “I brought it on myself, I suppose. I’m still standing, though.”

The waitress came by and gave them the check. Bucky did pull out his wallet but Steve insisted that he pay. They went back to Steve’s place in silence.

Steve took his shoes off and nodded to Bucky to do the same. “I have one bedroom and the other is my office. So, do you want to take a nap in my room or the couch?” 

Bucky took off his jacket and hung it on the rack by the door. He kicked off his boots and looked around the apartment, like he was trying to decide.

Steve’s eyes wandered down his tight T-shirt to where the seemingly leather prosthetic started at the joint of his elbow. He seemed to have been working out frequently and taking care of himself.

When a clearing throat interrupted Steve’s thoughts, he made eye contact with Bucky.

“Are you sure you want to let me use your bed?” he asked.

“Yeah! I just cleaned the sheets and I’ll be out here fucking around. Feel free to sleep as long as you need to.”

“Alright. I can feel myself crashing already…so I’ll go ahead.” said Bucky, walking toward the bedroom down the hall.

“We’ll talk more once you wake up, okay?” Steve said after him.

“Sure.” he yawned.

His best and oldest friend finally came back into his life but as always carried some fresh new chaos with him. 

Steve watched his bedroom door close and couldn't help but wonder how long he was going to stick around this time. He also couldn't believe Bucky had made the sober decision to cheat on a woman with her own brother. 

Everyone knows how scandalous it is for a woman to be cheated on with another man but her OWN BROTHER? Unforgivable. 

Steve knew he would have a lot of questions for his friend after he got some rest. 

That was the other thing, Steve had to watch the way he asked about Bucky's situation so he didn't seem judgmental. 

He really tried not to judge.

Tony sent him a text asking if he could call.

It was the usual time Steve had his lunch break. He stepped out onto his balcony and called his boyfriend. 

"Hey sweet pea!" Tony's voice boomed happily in his ear. 

"Hey."

"How's work?"

"I'm not at work. Unexpectedly, I had a friend show up today. He was hurt with no place to go..."

“Oh no. Is everything alright? How is he hurt?”

Steve smiled at the concern in his voice. That was Tony’s natural state, always trying to be the most helpful person in existence.

“He has a black eye but he’ll be fine. He just got out of a bad relationship with a crazy woman. I’m just trying to help him back on his feet.” Steve spoke softly as he paced up and down his balcony.

“That’s nice of you, honey. You’re so sweet.”

“Yeah, we were in the war together so we’ve been through a lot. I don’t know, I guess I’ll let him stay temporarily.” Steve decided.

Tony stammered for a second, “I see. I...well, I was going to ask if you wanted to have dinner tonight so we could look at new beds together, but I guess that can wait, huh?”

Steve chuckled a little, “You already want to get furniture together? Tony, there is nothing wrong with your bed.”

“I know but I want a bigger, stronger, reinforced bed so I can fuck you more.” said the sultry voice on the phone.

Looking around, even though Steve knew he was alone, he said “Stop that.” in response.

Tony laughed and apologized. “I do want to pick out some things together though. We could make a space that’s ours. I’m excited, okay?”

“It’s cute.” said Steve softly.

“You’re cuter, baby.” the older man declared.

The blush still appeared on Steve’s cheeks as if the man was standing in front of him.

Tony sighed, “I’m being summoned, here. I got to get back to work.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Steve replied happily.

“I love you.” huffed Tony, no doubt upset that he had to hang up.

“I love you more.” said Steve enthusiastically.

“You take care of your buddy. Tell me if you need anything. Anything at all, darling.”

“I will.” Steve said. The two men hung up. Steve leaned on the rail of the balcony and looked down at the people on the street. 

He started to worry that Bucky had really fucked everything up this time for good. 

How long would it take him to get back on his own?

Would this situation delay his moving in with Tony?

What has he just gotten himself into?


	2. Chapter 2: Trying Hard to Work it Out

It was dusk when Bucky woke up. Steve was in his office reading a history book when his friend wandered in rubbing his eyes.

Dropping his book on his desk, Steve sat back in his chair to smile at him. “Feel better?”

Bucky stretched his arms over his head and nodded, “Definitely. I’m actually hungry again. I work out 6 days a week so I eat a lot...”

“Me too! I work out with my friend, Sam. We jog in the mornings usually.”

“That sounds nice. Could I...join you guys maybe?” asked Bucky, leaning against the doorway.

Steve pouted and nodded, “I don’t see why not. We’ll probably go in the morning.”

“Cool. So, right now I need to get my stuff out of my car and then maybe we could get something to eat. I’m dying for some good galbitang.” Bucky swooned thinking about the Korean beef rib soup.

When he would visit Steve more often a few years ago, they visited a tiny Korean place. That food would chase away hangovers after long nights out at the bar.

Steve agreed happily and got up to help him retrieve his suitcases.

They dropped them off in the living room and went walking to yet another restaurant

As the two men nibbled at their small plates with chopsticks, they made funny faces at each other. There was K-Pop music blasting from the front of the empty dining room, so they didn’t know what to make of it.

The waitress took their orders for a large metal pot of soup and gave them their beverages.

When she walked away, Steve continued to eat his kimchi bean sprouts. “So...maybe we should have that talk now.”

Nodding, he replied “About?” He shoved some kimchi cucumbers in his mouth.

Steve almost asked for an explanation of why he had an affair with his girlfriend’s brother. 

He decided that would be too aggressive, so he decided to try to figure out how to facilitate Bucky instead. “I guess we should discuss what you want to do next.”

Bucky looked up at him but the other man’s eyes stayed focused on his food. “You’re worried I might overstay my welcome? I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

Finally Steve’s eyes met his and he kept his face soft, “I don’t think that. I want to help you. I can get you a job, and I’m sure Tony can help get you a place to stay. Whatever you need.”

“I’m not even sure what I want to do or where I want to live.” sighed Bucky, sipping at his drink. “Also, no offense, but I don’t ever want to work for the Army again. I was discharged, remember? I’m too crazy…”

“That’s not why they HONORABLY discharged you.” Steve told him sternly. “You know that. If you are crazy, I guess I’m crazy too.”

Bucky’s brows dropped down and pushed together, “You what? Are you...on meds?”

Steve got flustered for a second and dropped his chopsticks. He paused then took a sip of his water. “I have anti-anxiety and sleeping pills...for my panic attacks and nightmares. That’s all.”

“What were you diagnosed with?” he asked in a generally interested tone.

“Panic disorder, technically.” 

“Yeah?” nodded Bucky.

“It was caused by flashbacks of our time overseas...they put me in HR so that I wouldn’t be around people as much. I’ve been doing yoga and going to group therapy with Sam. That helps.”

“Not sleeping alone must help too,” Bucky added, “with the nightmares.”

“Yeah…” Steve cleared his throat, “Tony’s been really supportive.”

The waitress returned with a few bowls, spoons, and a giant pot of soup. They served themselves and began to slurp down the rest of their dinner.

As they finished eating, Steve readied his credit card to pay the check.

Bucky was staring off into space. 

Steve leaned in to get his attention, “Were you ever diagnosed with something?”

“Other than an alcoholic? Yeah...I’m...a major depressive. I got medication for that as well.”

They paid for their food and started walking back to Steve’s place in the dark.

Steve felt bad for never really asking about Bucky’s mental health after they both returned from war. 

Every time Bucky visited during the beginning of their return home, it seemed to be one big party. The two of them used to drink through the entire weekend or do hallucinogens together. 

He saw himself as guilty for enabling his friend back then even though Steve had been told repeatedly that he wasn’t the problem.

It was far behind them now.

Upon arrival at Steve’s, the two men plopped down on the sofa together.

Steve made them both herbal tea and put on some old rock music they used to play when they were teenagers. They started to reminisce about what they used to do back then.

Bucky turned to Steve on the couch and scooted a little closer, “You know what? Maybe I should move to Brooklyn. I love hanging out with you again and eating this amazing food around here.”

That got a small side smile out of Steve as he fussed with his tea bag. “Totally! I’m actually...kind of bummed to be moving out of this neighborhood.”

“Is the new place really that different?” asked Bucky.

“I would say so. Very upscale and like, modern. It’s like 4 stories. Tony owns his place.”

He laughed sarcastically but impressed. “Ooh, upscale huh? La Di da.”

“Shut up.” laughed Steve.

“For real though. I think I could live here.”

“Well, awesome! I could tell you where to look for a place and where to apply for jobs. What d’you think you’d like to do? There are plenty of restaurants and coffee shops and stuff.”

“I don’t know...something that keeps me busy and on my feet. I don’t want to wear a dorky hairnet or uniform. Also I don’t want to get up early in the morning. You know I’ve always been a night person.”

Steve looked over his bruised face, noticing his black eye was starting to look even darker purple than it did that morning. Pretending not to notice, he suggested “There are plenty of bars, grocery stores that need overnight stock people.”

“I could probably work at another bar.” shrugged Bucky.

“Are you sure? Even with the alcohol around you all the time? That’s not even a little tempting?”

“I mean, sure it’s tempting. I make a point to tell my bosses and coworkers right away that I am a recovering addict. I am usually not tempted after that because I know they will be watching me extra close.”

“That doesn’t make it hard for you since they don’t trust you?” Steve asked in disbelief.

“They can trust me. I don’t slip up because that would be too embarrassing and they’d probably fire me for drinking on the job. Keeps me on my best behaviour. Also I enjoy hanging out and talking to people. I meet a lot of interesting strangers that way. I love that.” Bucky smiled fondly, sipping his tea and sitting it on the coffee table.

“I can see that.” Steve nodded, pondering how easily Bucky made friends even when they were children. 

“I’ll go get a phone and go job hunting tomorrow. Are you cool with me listing this place as my address for now?” asked Bucky, combing his fingers through his hair mindlessly.

Steve put his own mug on the coffee table, “No, not at all.”

“Hopefully I can find a place with chill coworkers.” he said, fidgeting and scratching where his prosthetic met his skin.

“You mean coworkers who won’t get you punched in the face?” smirked Steve.

“Yes, exactly.” Bucky said, stifling a smile.

They laughed together. When their smiles faded, they sat and listened to the current song playing for a minute.

Deciding to take his chances and be daring, Steve said “Seriously though Buck, I’m not scrutinizing you or anything but, why DID you start hooking up with that guy?” 

Bucky let out an exasperated huff and tipped his head to the side to lean it on the couch. “Knew this was coming.”

“Sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“It’s fine...if you want to know.”

Steve nodded encouragingly.

“Okay,” Bucky said thoughtfully, “I...I started hooking up with him because we were hanging out at his place outside work. We had a lot of things in common. We worked together every shift and sometimes we hung out long after closing, until the sun came up. He actually listened to me and let me choose what we did together. I hadn’t had a relationship like that since...you and me.”

A surprised look appeared on his face, “What do you mean?”

“You know, like an effortless friendship.” said Bucky casually, “That’s how it started anyway.”

“How did it go from friendship to friendlier?” asked Steve, mentally slapping himself at his word choice. “Tell me if I’m being too nosey.”

Chuckling to himself, Bucky thought for a second before answering. “I guess it was the few times I ran to him after fights with Mads. The first time, I was angry. He hugged me to calm me down. No one had ever done that. It just felt good because he understood how to comfort me. Also he saw what was wrong with her too...but still he sided with me.” 

Rubbing his jaw, Bucky licked his lips before speaking again. He let his eyes wander as he said, “I kissed him. I don’t know why but I just felt a weight lift off my shoulders when it happened. Marco was so nice about it. He gently stopped it and told me it wasn’t the right time but that everything would be okay.” 

Steve never took his eyes off his friend as he listened. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots. So the guy’s name was Marco.

Bucky cleared his throat, “Then the second time I came to him, I was upset and crying. Madison had said some fucked up shit to me. I literally ran into his arms. He kissed ME that night...for like 3 hours.”

“Damn.” pouted Steve.

“After that, things just slowly...escalated, ya know?” Buck added, finally returning his gaze. His eyes looked a little glossy.

“Did,or, do you love him?” asked Steve. 

Why would he ask that?!

Bucky’s face hardened. He seemed to be considering that question for a minute.

Oh no. After getting him to talk this much, Steve feels like he fucked everything up.

Somehow Bucky still didn’t seem phased. “I don’t know…even after all he did for me...I’m not really sure if I’d call that love.” he replied, pulling his mouth into a hard line.

Examining the way he answered that last question, he knew Bucky was lying. “At least he helped you when it mattered.” offered Steve.

Bucky smiled a little, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Did you love Madison?” he asked daringly.

A single laugh left Bucky’s throat. His eyes darted around the apartment, “I did once, I guess.”

Steve seemed to be satisfied with that answer. “What exactly happened to your phone?”

Bucky snickered, “Madison called me when she found me and Marco. I was trying to turn the ringer off and get dressed at the same time and I’m...ya know, one fucking handed. She busted the office door open and I dropped it right into Marco’s fish tank. Then all hell broke loose, so I said ‘fuck it, I’ll get a new phone’.”

Trying not to show anything but understanding on his face, Steve just said okay.

That made Bucky ask “Is there going to be more to this investigation? Or do you have all you need?”

“I’m done. I told you let me know if I’m being too nosey! I just wanted to understand what happened.”

“I didn’t say you were nosey, did I? You’re fine.” he said, forcing a smile that went away quickly.

Looking him over, Steve scooted closer and opened his arms, “Bring it here.”

“What?” laughed Bucky.

“Give me a hug. You need one.” he insisted with a slight pout.

Shrugging and shaking his head, Bucky didn’t move.

“You’ve been through hard times.”

Groaning playfully, Bucky leaned forward and let himself be pulled into a tight embrace. His scruffy chin rested on the blonde man’s broad muscular shoulder.

Steve rubbed his back in large circles.

Before he could stop it, Bucky felt hot tears rolling down his face. He tried not to show it. 

It was immediately obvious to Steve that he was crying. “Let it out.” he whispered.

“I...sorry.” sobbed Bucky.

Steve told him softly, “Don’t be. Shh. It’s okay.” 

Everything seemed to crash down on Bucky, making him hug tighter and full on sobbed into Steve’s shoulder. The hand that wasn’t rubbing his back cradled his head. 

Bucky felt safe for the first time in a long time.

The next morning was Saturday, meaning it was Steve’s day off. He still woke up at 6 and took Bucky with him to the football field to jog.

Sam was already there, leaning against the trunk of his car when they arrived. He looked over Bucky with concern when they got out of his own vehicle. It was only because of the brunette man’s very dark and obviously fresh black eye.

“Hey!” exclaimed Steve, smiling and waving with his water bottle in his hand.

Sam nodded at the both of them and stood up straight, “Hey.”

“Sam this is Bucky, my oldest friend in the world.”

The two men shook hands. Bucky put his hair up in a bun, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too, man.” agreed Sam.

Steve started to lead the way toward the gate into the field, “Let’s do this.”

“Hold on a second.” Sam laughed, running in front of him and reaching for Steve’s left hand. “I didn’t get a call from you and...I don’t see an engagement ring.”

That statement got Bucky’s attention.  
Laughing, Steve pulled his back, “No...no ring.”

The three of them kept walking between the bleachers into the field.

“Are you disappointed?” asked Sam.

Steve shrugged, “I mean...not really. He asked me to move in instead.”

“Oh yeah? That’s great news, man. I’m happy for you two!”

Bucky’s eyes dropped to the dirt as they reached the start of the running track. He pretended not to listen as he stretched.

Steve started to stretch too, “Yeah. He already way too excited about it and wants to start nesting.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” smiled Sam, drinking some water and putting the bottle on the ground off the track.

“Sure. He’s just so extra. You know Tony...” Steve said, rolling his eyes, “Plus, Bucky here is staying with me for a little while so I can’t really start nesting yet.”

“Oh yeah? How long are you staying?” Sam asked Bucky casually.

Bucky looked up from touching his toes, “In Brooklyn? Permanently. I just need a job...and a phone...and a place to live.”

“I see...yeah it’s hard out here but I’m sure you could find something. Maybe I can help. What do you do normally?”

“Last job was as a bartender, but I’ve done everything.”

“You a veteran too?”

“Yes. Steve and I did a tour together in Pakistan.”

“Oh! You’re Bucky!” Sam said, looking over his prosthetic arm, “I’ve heard SO much about you. I just like...I didn’t get who you were at first because Steve said your name was James.”

Nodding, Bucky told him “Yeah, my Christian name. I’ve been called Bucky all my life. Middle name’s Buchanon.”

“Named after a great man.” nodded Sam, “I love nicknames. I even have one from the Air force.”

“Oh, yeah? What would that be?” laughed Steve as he continued to stretch.

“They called me,” Sam said in a low dramatic voice, raising one eyebrow, “The Falcon.” 

After working out, Sam asked Bucky if he would join them for group therapy sometime. He could only give him a maybe since he had a lot on his plate.

They stopped by a phone store and got Bucky a new device then stopped at a small grocery store for some food.

When they were about to have their post-workout meal all freshly showered, Steve got a call from Tony. He answered and kept eating, “Hey, you’re on speaker.”

“Oh yeah? Is Bucko listening then?”

“BUCKY is, yes.” Steve smiled at his friend.

Bucky just kept eating across from him.

“Hi there.” Tony said.

It took Bucky a minute to realize he was being addressed, “Hey?” he laughed.

“I was just calling to see what you two were doing since I should meet you, Bucky. Also I miss my boyfriend.” came Tony’s voice, “Could I stop by?”

“We’re having lunch now and Buck and I were going to go job hunting.” said Steve, looking up at his friend for approval.

A swift silent nod came from Bucky as he chewed. His hair was half up in a hair band and he was in a red henley shirt. Steve kept looking him over with approval, telling himself that it was just because he was dressed nice to get hired.

Steve adjusted his blue polo he was wearing as he listened to his boyfriend.

“So...could I come by say 6 or 7? I’ll bring dinner.” asked Tony.

“Sure.” Steve said, shoving some fish into his mouth with a fork.

“What would you guys like?”

“Italian.” Bucky suggested.

“My specialty! You got it. Good luck job hunting. I’ll let you go. Love you, babe!” said Tony.

“Love you.” said Steve with a mouthful of spinach.

The two men went through the jobs listed online on Bucky’s new phone.

He kept his original account and phone number, so his data was all still there.

Bucky was making notes of where they should stop and put in applications when a slew of texts started coming in.

About 12 came in at once so he had to turn the notifications off while they went through the list of bars and restaurants. Bucky stood and announced he’d get his shoes.

“Are you going to look at those messages?” asked Steve.

The question made Bucky pause before he reached the shoe rack against the front door. Turning to him and looking at the phone in his hand, he seemed scared.

“What’s wrong?” asked Steve.

Bucky was gnawing on his lip, “Nothing…”

“We can wait until we get back to deal with them if you want.”

“Maybe that’s best.” agreed Bucky, “I’m trying to get someone to hire me. I can’t do that if they think I’m an emotional disaster.”

“But you’re always an emotional disaster.” Steve said seriously, then smirked at him.

Bucky smiled at his joke and pocketed the new phone.

They went out to put in applications. After a few hours, Bucky got back to the apartment with 3 interviews already lined up. (The other places seemed wary of a one-armed bartender.) 

Plopping down on Steve’s couch, Bucky sighed and proclaimed “I’m so glad you came with me today. Thanks for dropping everything to help me, man.”

Steve was taking off his shoes at the door, “Of course. I will always be here to help, Buck. Plus you showed up literally at my doorstep. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and flipped him off. Laughing, Steve sat down beside him.

“For real though, it’s no problem at all.” he assured his friend.

They sat in the silence for a minute. 

“I need to look at those messages.” remembered Bucky, staring ahead at nothing and looking grim.

“Who do you think they are from?” asked Steve gently.

“Marco, most likely.”

“If you don’t want to see what he has to say, just delete them. Block his number.”

“You know what? You’re right.” said Bucky, pulling out his phone and doing just that. However, when he deleted the messages, he accidentally dialed his number.

Marco picked up after one ring. “James?! Hey James?!” 

Panicking, Bucky looked up at Steve who was mouthing at him to just hang up.

“James! Say something!” said Marco’s voice loudly from the phone.

He stared at Steve while sitting still and eventually put the phone on speaker, making Steve throw his hands up in the air in frustration.

“S-Something.” stuttered Bucky softly.

“Oh thank God!” said Marco, his voice being deeper than Steve thought it would be. He had a thick New Jersey-esque accent. “I was texting you in case you got a new phone. I didn’t know what else to do! I’ve been so worried. Where are you?”

Bucky made eye contact with his best friend, “I’m somewhere safe. Safe as I will ever be. Unless your uncle is hunting me down.” He propped his phone on the arm of the couch.

Marco sighed, “No, no he isn’t. James, I’m so sorry. This was all my fault.”

With a bitter laugh, Bucky said “No it isn’t but thanks for saying it.”

Steve patted him on the shoulder to comfort him.

“Really, I mean it.” said Marco, “I could have protected you better. I could have stopped him from-”

“You did, okay? You did stop him. I’ll be alright, I’m just never coming back there. So you can make sure everyone knows they’ll never see me again.”

Marco seemed saddened and surprised by that. “You’re not?”

“After I have a reputation of what I did to your sister...what’s left for me there, Marco?” sighed Bucky.

The man on the phone had no answer to that.

Bucky pinched his forehead anxiously.

“I don’t know...” Marco said softly, “why don’t you just tell me where you are?”

“Why should I?” 

“You shouldn’t have to start all over somewhere else because of me.”

The hand pinching his forehead dropped, “It’s not just because of you, your sister had something to do with it. She wants me dead. We BOTH fucked up. I’m sure your whole family knows about us and hates me by now.”

“I don’t care about them.” groaned Marco, “They labeled me the black sheep for being queer a long time ago.”

Steve felt weird witnessing this heavy conversation. He started to get up off the sofa, but Bucky put his prosthetic hand on his knee to keep him there. 

Bucky’s icy blue eyes stared into his pleadingly. 

Steve sat back in silence, patting the prosthetic.

“Marco, what are you trying to say?” Bucky asked firmly.

“I...I’m not sure,” the man on the phone stammered, “I...I didn’t want to...do this over the phone.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

Marco sighed then started to speak then sighed again. “I just...can’t lose you.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise. 

Steve felt uncomfortable still, like he had a front row seat to his friend’s heart being broken. He just wanted to make it all better for him.

Quickly, Bucky wiped a few tears from his eyes before they could fall. One of Steve’s hands began silently rubbing his shoulder.

“We can’t be together, Marco...especially not now.” he managed to say evenly.

Immediately the two men could tell that Marco was crying and trying to hold back the shaking in his voice, “James-”

“You know that I’m right.” said Bucky. 

Marco sniffed, “I-I know. I just didn’t want any of this.”

Steve dropped his hand away and looked down at his lap.

“You were only helping me.” said Bucky, “I could have stayed away and kept my hands off you. I knew what could happen and I took the chance anyway. Ultimately, I started this. Don’t blame yourself.”

There was no hiding Marco’s full sobs coming from the phone speakers.

Bucky looked up at the ceiling and picked up the phone to hold it up closer to his mouth. He had to wait to stop crying and calm himself down enough to speak.

The sound of Marco sniffing and sobbing lightly was pulling Bucky apart at the seams. 

“Marco, I...I have to go. Maybe after a while we can talk again. I just need to focus on myself for a while.” 

“O-Okay…” said Marco between sniffs, “best of luck out there.”

Bucky sat up straight and rubbed his palm over his face. “Yeah, you too.”

They said goodbye and hung up.

Immediately Bucky put his phone on the coffee table like it was on fire and he didn’t want to touch it anymore. When he sat back, Steve caught the way the light glistened off of tears falling rapidly down Bucky’s cheeks.

He scooted over until the two men’s sides were touching and put his arm around his friend.

Bucky turned in toward him and extended his arm over Steve’s hip. He buried his face in Steve’s collar and cried once more.

Steve cuddled him close and told him it was all okay and to take as long as he needed.

“Was I too mean to him?” Bucky asked in a small voice between sobs.

“No, I think you were realistic and straightforward with him, Buck.”

“Are you sure?” he sniffed into Steve’s chest.

Holding him closer, Steve nodded against the side of his head, “Yes, you handled it very well. You’re right for not telling him where you are.”

“We just...aren’t good for each other.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’m proud of you. You did what was best.”

Bucky nodded against his chest but eventually succumbed to more sobs.

By the time Bucky was calm and his face was back to a normal color, it was time for Tony to show up. Steve had to change into a red T-shirt since Bucky’s tears had soaked it all down the front. 

(Bucky apologized of course, but Steve insisted it was fine.)

With a few knocks, Tony let himself in. He was holding 2 large brown paper bags, “Buongiorno boys! I’ve got lasagna and chicken parm!” Bucky was in the kitchen drinking water and smirking through the open space above the bar.

Steve got up from the couch and closed the door behind Tony as he walked into the kitchen. “Need any help, babe?” he asked.

Tony scoffed and set down the bags on the empty counter next t o Bucky, “No way. You guys sit at the table. I’ll plate this stuff myself. You got to have the right portions of each dish.”

Bucky started to go to the table but Tony stopped him and held out his hand to shake. “Good to meet you, Bucky.” 

He shook his hand pleasantly.

The two men were served by Tony and he placed his own plate down in front of his seat to join them.

As Steve picked up his fork, his boyfriend stopped him. He gave him a brief kiss, making a loud smooch.

That embarrassed Steve, making his cheeks go hot. Bucky noticed and smiled to himself as he took a bite of the garlic bread he was holding. 

Tony started to cut and eat his chicken, "So Bucky, I've heard some things about you but not much. Where are you from?" 

"Shelbyville, Indiana originally. I moved to Long Island when I was 12." Bucky replied, "What about you?"

Tony was a little surprised Bucky wanted to know more about him as well. 

Steve interjected, "Tony was born and raised in Manhattan."

“I see.” Bucky said, seeming impressed. “The upper west side I presume?”

“Of course.” scoffed Steve, getting a light kick from his boyfriend under the table. “He just reeks of it, doesn’t he?” 

“SO!” Tony said to Bucky loudly, “How did job hunting go today?” 

Stifling a smile, he answered “Got some interviews set up.” 

“Nice.” groaned Tony happily, scrunching his face up with enthusiasm.

Steve spoke with a mouth full of food, “Bucky here can sell ice to a polar bear. Always been a smooth talker.”

“Is that right?” asked Tony, looking him over, “It’s probably because you’re so handsome and you make people impressionable.”

Steve subtly looked at his boyfriend when he said that. It sounded more like an accusation than a compliment.

“I mean,” Bucky said a little bewildered by his comment, “I’m not really handsome with this.” He held back his hair to expose his black eye completely.

Without seeming phased, Tony replied, “Oh c’mon, that’s nothing. You still are very good looking. If anything, it makes you look more tough and distinguished.”

The comment was so sweet, Steve couldn’t help but smile as he continued eating.

Bucky wasn’t one to know how to take compliments. He just laughed uncomfortably and let his hair fall back over his eye. “Well thanks.”

Clearing his throat, Tony asked “Do you have any long term plans though? Steve told me you were a bartender, but is there something else you’re passionate about?” 

With a single laugh, Bucky said, “Um...I don’t really know. Maybe once I settle in I can figure that out.”

It was starting to seem like an interrogation instead of a dinner. 

Steve interjected and started a new discussion on how Bucky should prioritize his potential places of employment. Then Bucky started talking to Tony about his company.

After dinner, Tony announced that he needed to take off and make it to an early breakfast meeting the next morning.

Steve walked him out to the hall and pulled him into a deep embrace/kiss.

Tony’s hands gripped the tall man’s ballerina hips as he stared up at him, “Mmm,” he cooed, “I wish I could have a sleepover with you tonight, sweetheart. I’d love to kiss every inch of you right about now.” He gave his boyfriend a few pecks on the side of the neck.

Laughing, Steve replied, “I would love that too, but Bucky needs someone around.”

Pulling back to make eye contact, Tony told him “I know, it’s okay. Just please come stay with me one night this week. I’ll miss you too much.” He slid his hands down the back of Steve's pants to cup his ass.

Steve exhaled with arousal, “I’ll try. If I can’t, you can come stay here with me, right?”

“I don’t want Bucky to hear.” Tony said softly, "No way either of us could keep quiet. You know how we get."

Shaking his head, Steve pulled him into another kiss. 

"Just promise we’ll talk about furniture this week, ok?" Tony pouted.

"Fine. We'll go shopping." 

"We don't need to make any commitments yet. I just need to browse with you and get your input. I kind of want our place to be a surprise when you move in."

"Alright." Steve nodded, rolling his eyes. 

They said their goodbyes and Tony started down the stairs to leave.

When Steve re-emerged in his apartment, Bucky was staring at his phone on the couch. 

"So, what do you feel like doing the rest of the night?" He asked Bucky pleasantly. 

Bucky looked up and shrugged, "I'm down for whatever. I will say however, I am tired of sitting around here trapped in my bad thoughts."

Steve joined him on the sofa, “Yeah, today was pretty bittersweet, huh?”

“I enjoyed the food though. Tony also seems really cool.” he assured his friend.

Nodding, Steve looked around the apartment in his own thoughts, “Yeah, I’m glad you guys got along.”  
“Oh!” he suddenly exclaimed, “Why don’t we go out?”

Bucky looked over at him in disbelief, “Really?”

“I mean, would that be alright for you?”

With the light returning to his face, Bucky said “Sure, I could blow off some steam.”

“You could go to the club with all those people drinking around you?”

“Steve,” Bucky snickered, “I just got interviews at 3 different bars.”

“Okay, fair point.” Steve laughed back, “I know you may not feel like dancing though…”

“I just said it would be alright. You sure you don’t have to ask your BF permission?”

“No.” Steve sighed.

“Alright then.” 

“Great! Let’s freshen up and get going!”

They got up and got changed. Steve loaned Bucky a button down black shirt of his that fit him a little bit tighter than it did on his own body.

Steve kept on his t-shirt but changed into his tight, black “fuck me” jeans that hugged his ass sinfully.

As Bucky stole a spritz of Steve’s cologne while they were both fixing their hair in the bathroom mirror, he asked which club they were going to.

“Xstasy or the 3 dollar bill maybe?” answered Steve, spiking his hair in the front.

“So gay clubs. Of course.” he snickered.

“Hey, if you wanna complain, I’ll take you to Evolution.”

“That sardine can? Please don’t.”

“Alright then. Besides, you said the last time we went to a sports bar that ‘the straights have terrible taste in music’.” laughed Steve, washing his hands.

Bucky crossed his arms, “That is true...I’d rather listen to the same thumping rhythm all night then Bruno Mars and Maroon 5. Even worse, those places might have KARAOKE tonight.”

Steve agreed with him.

“I just need to get a pack of cigs.” said Bucky, “I only smoke when I go out but it keeps my hands busy.”

“Sure, we’ll hit up a bodega. Let’s go.” 

The two men arrived at the nightclub and there was a small line out the front door. They walked up confidently to the bouncer and he surprisingly ushered them closer to put paper bracelets on their wrists and take their cash for the door cover. 

“At least we look hot enough not to wait.” Steve said loudly into Bucky’s ear, holding onto his belt loop as they pushed their way through the crowd of men trying to get into the bathroom.

“Yeah, definitely.” said Bucky over his shoulder, “Let's get you a drink before we park on the floor.” 

They arrived at the bar and Bucky stood against it to wait for a server.

“I don’t have to drink.” said Steve behind him.

Bucky looked over his shoulder so his voice was better heard over the loud music, “I know you want 2 bottles of Heineken. My treat.”

Steve smiled and nodded, “You’re right. Thanks, man.”

Bucky got himself a bottle of water and the two of them went over to the benches behind a wall so the music wasn’t so loud. It was dark back there with Rainbow lights in facing every direction.

A ton of guys were already walking around without shirts on and making out in the seating area even though it wasn’t even midnight yet.

Bucky grabbed an ashtray off of a table and pulled out his cigarettes. He put one in his mouth and lit it.

Steve started to drink one of his beers when he noticed a handsome guy sitting a few feet away checking out his friend.

“I don’t think we have been here since 6 years ago, remember?” asked Bucky, “It was Halloween and there was that horror drag queen pageant.”

“Oh yeah,” said Steve, taking a swig of his beer, “I was so fuckin crossfaded that night.”

“They LOVED you though.” laughed Bucky, taking a drag of his cigarette and coughing a little.

“Sure did. I think you have a fan.”

Exhaling his smoke, Bucky looked confused then followed Steve’s line of vision to the man sitting to the right of him.

This particular man had a perfect undercut and a beard. He was kind of sexy, wearing a very tight tshirt and shorts, in his early 40s with large muscular arms.

When he and Bucky made eye contact, the stranger pursed his lips in a kissing motion at him.

Bucky kept his face blank and turned back to Steve, “Ugh.”

“What’s wrong with him? He’s hot. He’s a Daddy for sure.” 

A puff of smoke erupted from Bucky’s mouth as he said, “What do you know about ‘Daddies’?”

“Oh please, I’ve been around.”

“Sorry, I’ve never been around openly gay Steve before.”

Steve scowled and sipped his beer, “What’s wrong with him then?”

“Nothing. I’m just not interested in that right now.” Bucky dragged his smoke, “Also, how does he know that I’m not here with you?”

“I think he knows you’re here with me.” he laughed.

“No, like he doesn’t know if you’re my boyfriend or not. He shouldn’t assume.”

“It’s innocent! He’s just flirting with you.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and glanced over at the man in question then looking back to Steve. “Put your arm around me.”

“Why?” laughed Steve, finally putting one of his beers on the short table in front of them.

“Cuddle up to me and give him a dirty look.” huffed Bucky, sitting closer and situating the ashtray between them.

Rolling his eyes, Steve obliged. 

Bucky nuzzled his head against his friend’s chest for emphasis. Steve patted his hip and kissed the top of his head.

Immediately, the burly man put his hands up defensively and smiled. Mouthing “Sorry.”, he got up and walked off.

The two men untangled and laughed together. Steve finished his first beer as Bucky snubbed his cigarette.

“Wanna dance?” asked Bucky, holding out his hand. He kept his prosthetic tucked into his pocket.

Steve grabbed his full bottle and nodded. They headed to the floor where the music was much louder and the air was much hotter and humid due to the bodies and bright lights.

The whole club had poor ventilation anyway since it was just a remodeled warehouse.

As they faced each other in the middle of the dance floor, quite a few lustful eyes were scanning over them.

The two men started to sway their hips and get a feel for the techno remix of Adele.

They danced for hours, Bucky drinking water in excess from the sweating and taking smoke breaks when Steve would dip off to the bar for more drinks.

By about 3AM, the crowd started to get more shirtless and libidinous.

Bucky and Steve had to dance closer together as the crowd closed in around them.

It was getting more difficult for Steve to ignore the dizzy sloshing in his head. He relied on his friend for supporting his weight with Steve’s hands atop his shoulders.

They practically grinded on each other just like the rest of the men and women around them.

This was the first time Steve had seen genuine happiness on Bucky’s face.

He was more drunk on that than all the alcohol he’d consumed that night. The knowledge that he put that good mood back into Bucky felt like such a reward. 

The music was starting to become techno ballads. A DJ announced that it was time for the last call for alcohol.

Bucky leaned into Steve’s ear to ask, “You about ready to go?” 

“Hmm? Yeah.” Steve replied.

Bucky pulled back to look at him, “Alright, let’s get out of-” He was interrupted by a man shoving him from behind.

It surged the brunette man forward and since he was holding Steve up at this point, he clutched the blonde tighter as he found his footing again. Their foreheads bumped a little.

Steve put one of his out feet behind him to steady them both and moved his hands, interlocking his fingers behind Bucky’s neck. 

Bucky went to pull back since he was practically sharing breath with Steve and their lips brushed together.

The hand gripping Steve’s hip was getting tighter.

Steve mindlessly aimed his head a little better and caught Bucky’s lips to press them together dead on. 

Bucky froze then moved his lips with him for a few seconds. He was patiently waiting for Steve to pull back to take a breath.

He was drunk. Steve just got handsy when he drank.

Bucky told himself that he just had to let Steve do what he needed and get him home safe.

When the blonde man finally pulled back from kissing him, he was smiling with his eyes closed.

“Let’s go.” Bucky said happily into his ear, “We’ll have meatball sandwiches when we get home.”

“Yum!” Steve said dreamily, letting his friend practically carry him off the dance floor. They went out into the street and caught a cab. 

Steve was in and out of consciousness on the way home. He would probably have no knowledge of what happened at the club.

As they arrived at the apartment building, Bucky had to wake up his friend and get him out of the cab.

He was able to walk again, meaning he was sobering up at least.

They got up to the apartment and Steve sat at the dining table immediately and laid one ear on his arm across it. “Alright, time for meatball sandwiches.”

Bucky took off his shoes and locked the door behind him.

The beginning of the sunrise was shining outside the windows in the dining room.

Shaking his head happily at his friend he just replied, “Coming right up, big guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. PLEASE give me your comments. I will love one or 2 words. Even an emoji will do. You're beautiful!


	3. Chapter 3: So Much has Gone Misunderstood

When Bucky woke up Sunday morning, it was from the noises and bacon smells coming from the kitchen.

He was sleeping on his stomach in his clothes from the night before. Forcing his head off the pillow to look up, he saw Steve in a black tank top cooking and making coffee.

Bucky groaned a little as he got up and shuffled to the bar in the dining room.

The noise from sitting on a stool got Steve’s attention and he smiled at his friend. “G’morning.”

“Morning.” Bucky nodded, “What time is it?”

The sun rays coming through the windows were noticeably coming from the highest point in the sky.

“About 1.” snickered Steve, “I woke up at noon and ran to the market for some groceries. I thought I could cook for you since you did last night.” He turned to face the stove to pay attention to the bacon and hash browns he was grilling.

Bucky looked over the side of his friend’s face carefully, searching for any hint of regret or embarrassment about his actions while he was drunk. “I only reheated meatballs.”

“You took care of me, like you always do.” 

“What else do you remember? Do you feel okay?” he pressed casually, staring at his phone.

“Bits and pieces. After the third round, things got hazy.” laughed Steve, taking two coffee mugs out of the cabinet. “I could feel worse, but my hangover is definitely there. It serves me right by mixing beer and liquor.”

Bucky nodded and started to write his sister a message on Facebook.

“Did I say anything funny?” Steve asked, looking over at him.

“Not really, you just did some things.” he replied, not looking up until he sent what he was writing.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

Bucky shrugged, “You weren’t really walking on your own. In the cab you were fading in and out. Kept asking for sub sandwiches like I had them in my back pocket.”

Steve nodded and started to pour the freshly brewed coffee. “Drunk me only ever thinks about food.”

“Food and fucking.” Bucky thought to himself.

Steve passed his friend a full mug and they drank silently. He placed the cooked bacon on two plates then went to the fridge for eggs.

Bucky watched him cook for a second then saw a sort of realization and horror crawl over Steve’s face.

The coffee must have caused him to officially wake up because he suddenly turned to his friend with a spatula in his hand, “Oh God...oh no. Buck, did I...did I make out with someone?”

There was no way Bucky could control the grim look on his face. He didn’t reply.

“Bucky?” said Steve with concern, “Did I?”

A sigh erupted from Bucky as he put down his coffee and ran a hand through his hair, “Yeah, you did...for only like a minute.”

“Oh my God!” groaned Steve, putting his hands over his face, “What is wrong with me?”

Bucky hated to admit that he was a little relieved that there was no memory of who he kissed. “Don’t even worry about it, Steve. I encouraged you to leave after so it was all okay.”

“No it’s not!” he whined, uncovering his face, “I have a boyfriend, Buck! I care about him. I don’t know why I let myself drink that much that fast. I know how I act and I fucking know my limits!”

“It was just because you were partying with me.” Bucky told him softly, “It probably just felt like old times. We had a lot of fun, your intoxicated brain got caught up in the moment.”

“I remember it happening but I don’t remember who or how.”

“I think your eyes were closed.” he offered.

Steve flipped the eggs before they could burn, “Did you see who it was then?”

Bucky swallowed a lump in his throat. “Uh...not really. Just some brunette white guy. It was really dark in there. You probably even thought he was Tony.” 

Plating the food, Steve said, “Fuck, should I tell him about it? We promised to never keep anything from each other, no matter how small. I feel like such an idiot.”

As he slid the two full plates across the counter, Bucky put his hand over one of Steve’s.

“Hey,” he smiled, “calm down. It’s alright. You got confused and accidentally kissed someone. You didn’t cheat, you didn’t do anything knowingly. It’s a miracle that memory came back to you at all. Don’t even worry about it.”

“You sure?” Steve sighed, biting his lip.

“As someone who has cheated before, yes I’m sure. That doesn't count. Just keep it between us.”

Steve looked down at that comment but he nodded as Bucky let go of him. He swiftly walked around the kitchen wall to join Bucky at the bar.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. 

“Thanks again for cooking. This is a great brunch.” Bucky complimented, trying to get him to feel better.

The pout on Steve’s lips stayed prominent, “You’re welcome.”

Later that week, Bucky dominated all of his interviews. He decided to work at the most upscale place which was a whiskey bar in the middle of Manhattan.

His uniform was button down shirts and a tie, (vests encouraged) meaning he was going to need to go shopping for some nicer clothes.

Steve mentioned that to Tony in passing and he insisted the three of them go shopping together. 

Bucky did mention that a visit to the Burlington Coat Factory would be good enough, but the wealthy man wouldn’t hear it.

By the time 2 weeks had passed, Bucky was starting to feel happy again.

He got acquainted with his new coworkers, his black eye completely healed, and he didn’t have to pay Tony back for his shiny new work clothes. 

Steve had given him the closet space in his office and made him as comfortable as possible. They got a nice air mattress for Bucky and put it in the bedroom.

It was kind of like when they were in High School again, having sleepovers every night Bucky didn’t work.

There were a few nights Bucky didn’t leave the bar until 4, sometimes 5 in the morning, but he would always try to make it home on time to run with Steve and Sam.

Other than his sleep schedule being a little off, Bucky was starting to get comfortable.

Steve even felt a little more relaxed coming home to someone after work. It was less lonely, even if Bucky would mostly take off at about 9pm. 

He was cooking for Steve often and taking care of the dishes.

Bucky was saving his paychecks for a place of his own, therefore Steve was pleased with letting him do chores as rent payment. He honestly never wanted to ask money from Bucky anyway. What kind of friend would he be?

Steve still occasionally was going to see Tony at his place, but it was only for meals and short visits. Their sleepovers had stopped completely and Steve could tell his boyfriend was getting antsy. 

It may have been selfish, but Tony wanted to hurry and start the next chapter with his boyfriend. Moving in with someone had never been desirable to him before Steve. 

This was new and exciting.

Tony had been nagging him about figuring out what to do about Bucky since his lease would be up soon and the moving arrangements would have to go forward. Plus, Tony had already bought the California king size bed for the two of them and was sleeping in that giant thing alone every night.

Steve just didn’t want to rush his friend out. He didn’t know anyone else in the city well enough to get another roommate. 

\--------

Steve was at work on his lunch break with his 2 best friends he had there, Natasha and Wanda. The three of them were complaining about their boss while opening their lunches they brought.

“I think Lieutenant Asshole just needs a vacation.” said Natasha.

“You’re right!” said Wanda, spilling mustard from her sandwich on her camo uniform, “I believe he hasn’t had a break in like...8 years or something. He’s a bitter old man. He needs to let loose.”

“He has a sick wife at home.” said Steve, popping some pretzels in his mouth, “That’s why he feels like he has to work all the time.”

The two women frowned at him then looked down at their own lunches in thought.

“I never...thought of that.” said Wanda sadly, “I usually pick up people’s emotions so well.”

“Now I kinda feel like a dick.” Natasha said to Steve.

Steve shrugged and his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. “Excuse me.” he smiled, pulling it out and seeing his boyfriend was calling.

“Hello?”

“Hey beautiful.” came Tony’s voice.

Steve’s voice went soft and sweet, “Hey hun, what’s up?”

Natasha looked over at Wanda, “It’s his MANS. Come on Wanda, we’ll get out of his hair.”

Wanda smiled as they both stood up.

Steve told Tony to hold on and addressed his friends, “You guys don’t have to leave.”

“Talk to you lover.” Natasha shrugged with her hands full of her lunch box and lemonade. “Just don’t forget to let me know if you can come to my party tomorrow night, alright?”

“I can, probably.” Steve said.

The girls started to walk toward the glass doors of the dining hall to eat outside.

“Bring Tony.” Natasha said, “Oh, and Bucky if you want! I’m dying to meet him.” walking backwards until they exited.

Steve picked at his lunch as he turned his attention back to the man on the phone, “Sorry, babe. I’m here.”

“Is Bucky working tonight?” Tony blurted out.

“Uh, I think so. Why?”

“If he is not there for you to entertain, you should bring that cute ass over to my place tonight and stay over.”

“Is that a demand?” flirted Steve.

“That’s an order, Rogers.” said Tony with a playful military voice, “I need you to tend to my privates.”

“Tony,” he groaned, “we talked about military puns.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. If you spend the night with me I will never make one again.”

“I’ll come over, honey.” Steve assured him, “Just let me stop at home after work to give Bucky the house key.”

Tony huffed and puffed, but agreed. 

Later that day, Steve showed up at his apartment to find Bucky cooking chilli.

Bucky’s hair was half tied up in the back and his tufts of hair hung around his face delicately. He was wearing a loose black shirt and jeans.

“Hey.” smiled Steve, undoing his camo jacket.

“Hey.” Bucky said, returning the smile to wear he stood next to the front door.

“That smells good.” 

“Yeah, it’s got very minimal beans. It’s mostly meat. I need to make some rice still.” Bucky told him.

“Don’t bother making too much. I’ll be eating with Tony tonight.” 

“Oh yeah? Gonna stay over then?”

Steve slipped off his camo jacket to reveal a tight white cotton undershirt. He nodded and sat at the bar to remove his house key, “Yeah, so I needed to give you this.”

“Why don’t I leave a little early for work and go get one made for me?” Bucky suggested as he took the key from him.

Steve nodded and rested his head on his hand as he watched him start to prepare rice in a separate pot.

“What finally broke you down to go over there?” smirked Bucky over his shoulder.

With a soft chuckle, Steve said, “Uh, I miss him?”

“I know that. You must have been tired of him asking.” he mused.

Steve shrugged, “I understand. It has been a while since we’ve spent some quality time together. We’ve both been preoccupied.”

“You've been too busy with me, you mean?”

“No, not at all. Just been working and staying here to keep meeting up with Sam and our groups, you know.”

With a quick look, Bucky couldn’t help but ask, “Is it because of that night we went out?”

Steve seemed surprised by that question, “No! That was weeks ago.”

Bucky nodded, “Okay...you seemed to feel really bad about it.”

“I’m fine. Like you said, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Bucky could smell bullshit, but let it go and nodded as if that was an acceptable answer.

Clearing his throat, Steve changed the subject. “So, are you working tomorrow night?”

“Nah, I go back in on Saturday for the closing shift.” he replied without looking up from his rice he was cooking.

“Well, I’m going to a party at my friend Natasha’s place. She invited you and Tony, if you’d like to come.” 

He looked over casually and pouted, “Sure. When would we go?”

“Early, like 8:30 or something. Everyone is usually just about gone by 11. We’re boring office people.” 

Bucky laughed, “Yeah right! You’re still a bunch of soldiers. I know you guys party.”

“We usually save the wild ones for Christmas and Halloween.” smirked Steve, “Our friends are pretty relaxed though. They’d love to meet you.”

“I’m not a soldier anymore. We wouldn’t have anything in common.”

“Yes, you will.” he assured his friend.

Bucky shrugged and still promised he’d go.

Steve went to get changed into his casual clothes, a soft green sweater and thick jeans. He grabbed his overnight bag with his clean work uniform and took off.

As soon as the elevator in Tony’s building opened for Steve, he was met with a tight embrace from his boyfriend, in his casual ACDC shirt with a long sleeve underneath.

They immediately went up to his apartment to cuddle up on his massive new couch.

Tony and he liked binge watching shows together and they had been half-way through Breaking Bad for a long time.

Steve had his arms around his man with Tony’s back against his chest and his head resting on his shoulder.

As soon as the first episode started, they heard the sound of Tony’s stomach growling.

“Sounds like it’s dinner time.” smiled Steve, nuzzling his nose gently against his cheek.

“I already ordered Thai food. Just taking a minute to get here.”

Cuddling him tighter, Steve cooed, “Sounds good.”

There was a tickle on the side of Tony’s neck as he felt his boyfriend inhale his scent. He told him happily, “I missed hanging out with you..”

“We’ve been hanging out.” said Steve sweetly.

“Not like this. It’s always got to come to an end. This feels right, like we have all the time in the world.”

With a content sigh, Steve kissed his cheek slowly a few times, “I do have all the time in the world for you. I’m sorry I haven’t been showing it lately.”

“It’s okay, babe. I’m glad you’re here now.” whispered Tony, almost sounding so comfy that it was putting him to sleep.

After they ate and binge watched almost 4 hours of the show, they got ready to sleep in the gigantic bed Tony bought for them. 

They were brushing their teeth at the double sink.

Tony finished first and washed his face. “So, are we going to talk about that lease of yours?”

Steve spit out his mouth wash, “I mean, I had to get an extension for Bucky. So it will be up again in about 4 weeks.”

“So we are giving him 4 weeks to get his own place? You tell him that already?” asked Tony flatly as he dried his face on a towel.

“I mean, he knows I got an extension. He’s trying, Tony. Bucky only just got a job. You said you understood that you can’t rush these things.” said Steve, turning to him with his brows furrowed. He was standing only in his white shirt and boxers.

Tony was shirtless in his own boxer briefs. Looking down, he wiped stray droplets of water off his chest, “I mean, if we don’t give him a timeframe this thing is never going to happen.”

“You’re being impatient, honey.” sighed Steve, putting his hands on his hips.

Tony tossed the towel on the counter and looked up at his boyfriend a little irritated, “No, I think I’ve been very supportive. Even though you spend every spare moment with him so he doesn’t have to be alone.”

“He doesn’t have any-”

“Friends! I know!” interrupted Tony, “How is going to make any if you just stay with him at your place all the time? Don’t I distinctly remember having dinner with the two of you not that long ago and you both agreed that he makes friends easily? What happened to that?”

“He does…Bucky just-”

“What? He has co-workers right? At that job that I provided a new wardrobe for?” demanded Tony.

“We didn’t ask you to do that!” Steve groaned.

Tony forced a fake smile, “You’re right about that.”

“He’s my oldest friend,” scoffed Steve, “I’m just looking out for him. You did the same thing for Rhodey when he got dumped and had to move out of his girlfriend’s place.”

“He stayed with me for like a week, not 6. Eventually, living rent free like that looks like he is taking advantage of you.” he said kind of cocky, insinuating Steve was being naive.

The look on Steve’s face turned to anger, “He’s not fucking doing that. We’ve always been there for each other.”

“Well how do you know? If that was true, that you two are ‘best friends’, I wouldn’t have been able to date you for 2 years without meeting him. Maybe you aren’t as close as you thought if he ignores you.”

“What the fuck?” he cried, “Why would you say that to me?”

“I’m just being honest.” said Tony, rolling his eyes.

“I’d rather you didn’t if you say shit like that!” 

Tony threw his hands in the air, “What do you want me to do? Sit around and wait for something you agreed to weeks ago? Want me to just go back to sleeping in my lab so I don’t have to think about how much I miss you every night? It’s worse than before Bucky even showed up.”

Steve’s arms went limp and his hands fell from his hips, “I have been trying to split my time! I’ve been asking for your approval with everything I do! You said you were fine.”

Crossing his own arms, Tony sneered, “Obviously I’m fucking not. It feels like you don’t even want to live with me!”

That pushed Steve to finally yell, “Not if you act like this!”

Tony’s mouth hung open. He looked hurt. 

A pain made itself present in the middle of Steve’s chest.

That was the meanest thing he had ever said to him. Even though his boyfriend had been rude to him first, it didn’t make it right.

Tears immediately started to bubble in Tony’s eyes. He took a few steps back toward his shower.

With a shake of his head, Steve said softly, “Tony, I didn’t mean that. We’re too angry, we’re saying things-”

“Yeah, you said plenty.” he interrupted with a shaky voice.

“I want to move in, honey, I do.” said Steve sincerely, taking a few steps toward him with his arms out.

“Don’t.” said Tony, looking up at his boyfriend with his tears falling down his cheeks.

“C’mon...I’m sorry.” said Steve, still trying to reach for him and hug him.

“Get out.” he replied, looking down at the tile floor.

Steve shook his head slowly, "Let's just go to bed, hun. I said I was sorry. I didn't mean it the way I said it. You know I didn't."

Tony wiped his face, composed himself, and cleared his throat, "Get your stuff together. I'm not arguing with you anymore."

That hurt Steve more than anything. 

"I don't want to argue." He whimpered, "That's not fair. You said you wanted me to stay tonight. I gave Bucky my house key."

Tony thought to himself for a second then sighed, “Fine. Sleep on the sofa.” He stormed out of the bathroom and went to bed.

Steve sat alone crying to himself for a few minutes. When his tears subsided, he looked in the mirror to make sure the redness in his face went away.

He thought that would be enough time to let Tony cool off.

When he entered the bedroom, the brunette was curled up asleep in bed with all the lights off and a pillow and spare blanket was thrown on the floor near the door.

Shaking his head, Steve scooped the items up in his arms. “Tony.” he called softly.

“Tony?” he tried again, even sweeter.

When there was no movement, Steve shuffled into the living room and got comfy on the sofa. He stared at the ceiling, sniffling to himself and overanalyzing their fight.

Why did he have to let himself say that?

Eventually, he drifted to sleep at about midnight.

It couldn’t have been later than 2am when he felt a body crawling over him.

Steve sprung awake defensively, a reflex left over from the military. He was lying on his back and trying to sit up, but the weight of his boyfriend prevented him.

Tony’s hands held his shoulders and rubbed up and down. “It’s me, baby.” he whispered.

It was too dark in the living room for Steve to see clearly but he didn't move as the outline of Tony’s head laid on his chest. Tony covered the two of them in a large blanket.

Wrapping his arms around the man, he said “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” murmured Tony into his pec. He slotted his body between Steve’s legs.

Steve smiled, “So you forgive me?”

He shushed him, “Just go back to sleep.”

“You told me to leave.” mentioned Steve with an amused tone.

“Glad you didn’t.” he mumbled into his chest.

With a chuckle, Steve suggested “Let’s get in that big ass bed…” 

“Too tired. Already falling aslee...” Tony trailed off.

His body relaxed under the smaller man. Steve leaned up and kissed the top of his head then fell back into a peaceful slumber.

When Steve’s alarm went off on his phone at 6AM the next morning, the two of them groaned at how tired they were. Tony instinctively crawled off of him so he could get up.

They realized he had plugged his phone into the bedroom charger.

As Steve went in there to turn it off, his boyfriend followed him, the blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a cape.

Steve didn’t have to go in until 9:30. Tony started work at 10.

“Wanna sleep a little more?” Tony yawned.

Steve nodded pleasantly, and they snuggled up together in the middle of the bed, under the covers. They fell asleep for what seemed like 10 minutes but it was already almost 2 hours.

Immediately, Steve reached over to see the clock and sighed.

Tony squinted at the light of the sun streaming through his windows, the blanket still pulled up to his chin.

A strong arm pulled Tony into a hug against Steve’s muscular chest.

“Tonyyy.” sang Steve softly, kissing his cheek.

“No.” he grunted.

“Yes, we have to get up.” 

“I can be late, I’m the boss.” said Tony, pulling him closer.

“But I’m not.” he laughed.

Tony smiled up at him then moved in to kiss and suck on the sensitive spot on his boyfriend's neck. 

Steve indulged him for a minute and even moaned and thrust his almost hard dick against him a few times. 

He realized that Tony had massive morning wood and was trying to do something about it.

Pulling him back he kissed Tony deeply, sucking on his bottom lip and licking into his mouth, even pulling his hair a little.

Tony settled his underwear covered cock in the dip of Steve’s hip and just pressed firmly and pulsed like he was desperate.

“Honey…”cooed Steve, holding his face with his hands. He pulled Tony’s head back to look at him.

Tony was biting his lip and still mildly thrusting against him, his eyes closed.

He looked so sexy. It was hard to focus on anything but that erection digging into him.

“Tony.” said Steve firmly, “Before we have make up sex, we need to talk.”

Tony stopped his movements and his eyes shot up to Steve’s. “I don’t want to fight.” 

“Me either honey. Just talk to me, calmly.” said Steve, rubbing the soft skin on his back with one hand.

Tony propped himself up on his elbows, hovering on top of Steve. “Okay...I just want this process to go a little faster. Even if there is something I can do to speed it up, I will.”

“Alright.” nodded Steve, stroking his hair with his right hand. “I will acknowledge you are offering to do that and I am not asking.”

“Right. I won’t hold this offer against you later. I’m sorry I did that before.” said Tony, kissing his shirt covered pecs a few times.

“I can mention to Bucky that he needs to find a new place.” said Steve, kind of sounding embarrassed.

“I also want to see you more.” added Tony, “Ya know, in general.”

“That’s easily done! I was saying I would try harder to do that last night.” smiled Steve, “I fucking miss you at night too.”

"Sounds good." Tony leaned up to press their lips together a few times. When he pulled back, he seemed to be in his thoughts, “Hang on, what if we don’t need to kick Bucky out?’

Steve shrugged, “What do you mean?”

“What if we just kick you out?”

“Like, let him take over the lease? That could be okay.” nodded Steve, seeming pleasantly surprised.

“Yeah, but he couldn’t possibly afford all the bills at that place.” said Tony, “So I guess, I’ll have to just take over the lease and let him pay utilities.”

Steve looked confused for a second, “You want to...buy out my lease so he has somewhere to stay?”

“Yeah, that way you get to live here, he has a place and can still save up for a bit, and you can take your time moving.” 

“Wouldn’t that be expensive? How long are we talking?” Steve asked.

“I guess until, next summer maybe?” 

“That’s like 7 months.” he gasped.

“I can afford it.” smiled Tony, “It’s okay baby. This place is paid off, and you’re worth it.” He cupped Steve's cheek. 

“He would want to pay you back.” Steve said, shaking his head, completely floored by his generosity.

“If he wants to, tell him to call me. We’ll discuss it.”

Steve was smiling at him, “You’re so sweet, honey.”

"Also I apologize for all that 'get out' stuff." whispered Tony, avoiding eye contact. 

"I forgive you if you forgive me for not controlling my word choice because I was angry."

“I do. So...are you saying we’re all made up?” Tony asked, dipping down yet again to assault Steve's neck.

Laughing, Steve replied, “I guess...you know you can’t solve all our problems with money and sex right?”

“Uh huh.” mumbled Tony, reaching down Steve’s pajama pants, “Always worked for me in the past.”

“That’s not funny.” murmured Steve before he was given a forceful lip lock once again.

Tony crawled over him to rub their dicks together but Steve overpowered him and rolled them around so he was on top.

The bigger man slipped down Tony’s body and pulled out his cock to suck him off.

\-------

That evening, Steve came home to Bucky, feeling excited about their party that night.

He was also happy to tell him some good news.

“Hey Buck.” smiled Steve as he walked into their shared bedroom, taking off his jacket.

Bucky was reading a book on his air mattress, “Sup?”

“How was work last night?” he asked happily, taking off his undershirt too.

“Kind of slow until about midnight then we got a rush of lesbian roller derby chicks. It was wild.” Bucky told him, glancing over his book at his shirtless friend.

“Yeah?” Steve said over his shoulder.

“Yeah, they drank all our well whisky and kept asking me if I knew any tough, plus sized women.”

Steve unbuckled his belt, focusing on the task at hand.

That made Bucky’s eyes flash to his hands and start looking over his body.

“What’d you tell them?” asked Steve.

“I said, ‘Man, I wish I did.’” he smirked.

Steve dropped his camo pants and started to change into a casual black pair.

“How was you guys' night?” asked Bucky, averting his eyes back to his book.

“Oh, kind of weird but...good overall.” he shrugged.

“Weird? How? Wait, I don't want to know. ”

Steve made his way over to his own bed to sit on the edge, “We just argued a little bit. It was nothing. I have some good news though.”

When Bucky looked over, he was slipping a long sleeve shirt over his head. “What’s that?”

“Well,” started Steve, fixing his hair, “what if I told you that you didn’t need to find your own place right away and you could stay right here?”

Bucky sat up as straight as he could on the blow up mattress, “You have my attention.”

He proceeded to explain the whole situation to his friend. Bucky seemed excited but did offer to pay Tony back starting as soon as he moved out.

That night, Bucky and Steve met Tony outside Natasha’s place for her party.

It was very cold out there, Tony was in his nice coat.

Bucky went up to Tony, “Hey man, I just want to thank you for all you are doing for me. I honestly can’t describe how much I appreciate it.”

Tony nodded and smiled, “You bet. I’m always happy to help."

“I…” Bucky pulled his hand back, “Can I hug you?”

“Sure.” giggled Tony, receiving a bear hug from him immediately.

The three men happily went up to Natasha’s apartment. It was a pretty spacious loft full of people laughing and holding hors devours or alcohol.

There was some music playing in the distance but they barely heard it over how loud everyone was talking to each other.

Natasha saw them come in from her kitchen area and rushed over to greet them.

Steve hugged her. 

“Thanks for coming!” she cried happily.

He nodded, “You remember Tony.” 

Tony took her hand and kissed the top of it, “How are you, darling?”

“I’m good! Just finished my second spritzer.” Natasha giggled.

Tony glanced around the apartment approvingly, “This is a beautiful place you got here.” He gently let go of her hand.

Natasha thanked him for the compliment and made eye contact with Bucky who was skimming the room.

“You must be Bucky?” she said.

Bucky laughed nervously and offered his hand, “Yes, nice to meet you.”

Natasha looked him over and admired the way his button down shirt was tight around his muscles, “Nice to meet you.” 

Steve noticed the flirtatious tone in her voice, even though the other two men didn’t.

“You guys help yourself to any food in the kitchen and the drinks are in the mini fridge under the counter. Anything you want.” she offered, “I have to go mingle but I’ll come back and hang out in a bit.”

She was talking to Steve but her eyes still locked with Bucky.

Steve nodded, “Yeah, absolutely, go be hostess.”

When she walked off, the three men went to the kitchen to grab beverages. Bucky got a soda, Steve got a light beer, and Tony poured himself a cheap scotch neat.

A few people came by to say hi to Steve or Tony since almost his entire staff was at the party. Steve would introduce each person to Bucky every time and watch him get nervous and quiet.

“You alright?” Steve whispered to Bucky as Tony started a conversation with Steve’s coworker.

Bucky adjusted his prosthetic, "Yeah I just...need a smoke." 

Steve looked around the large living room to find the sliding glass door to Nat's balcony. "Patio is over there. Want some company?"

Bucky was already putting a cigarette in his mouth, "Sure, punk."

Steve grabbed Bucky's drink for him and nudged Tony to show him where they were going. 

He waved them off and continued to talk about engineering with the random coworker. 

Steve couldn't remember his name. 

Bucky sat outside in the frigid air with a few other people smoking.

Steve sipped his beer and looked over the rail of the balcony at the city below.

“So, I didn’t tell you earlier,” Bucky said, “but I talked to Becca.”

“Yeah? How is everyone?”

“She’s pregnant. About 7 months along with a little boy.” he smiled.

Steve gasped happily and tapped his beer to Bucky’s shoulder, “That’s awesome, Buck!”

“And my dad’s got throat cancer.” laughed Bucky bitterly, dragging his cigarette.

“Oh…” Steve said softly, dropping his smile, “sorry to hear that.”

“Apparently it’s benign. He’s going to have surgery soon. Becca asked me to come visit before then. They were going to have a cookout.”

“When’s the last time you saw them?”

Bucky thought to himself for a second, then chuckled. “Right before I stopped drinking.”

“They probably miss you. You should go.”

“I know. I already called my boss and he is making sure I won’t have to come in until later next week. I was thinking of leaving Sunday since it’s a 12 hour long drive.”

“How long would you leave for?”

“Probably be back time for work next Friday.”

Steve nodded, “Alright. I think I was going to go stay with Tony again tomorrow night, but I will be back in time to see you off, hopefully.”

“I don’t even know what time I will wake up, let alone when I’ll leave. I’ll probably drive through the night. It’s what I’m good at.”

Wanda suddenly came outside and squealed happily when she saw her friend. She was pretty drunk. When the two attempted to hug, she lost her balance and laughed out loud. Steve caught her.

He introduced Bucky and she went to shake his prosthetic then made a whole ordeal about apologizing and they both had to assure her that she didn’t do anything wrong.

Bucky snubbed his smoke. 

“Are we going to go back in and find Natasha?’ asked Steve.

Bucky took his soda from him and shrugged, “If you want.” 

Wanda snorted and took a sip from her water bottle she was holding, “She’d definitely want.”

Steve and Bucky made intrigued faces at each other.

“What do you mean?” Bucky tested.

Swaying a little, Steve sat Wanda down as she replied, “You’re totally hot. You look like a long haired bad boy. That’s totally Natasha’s type. Are you in the Army too?” There was a slur in her speech.  
“Used to be.” he laughed.

“Ugh! You’re exactly what she goes for.” Wanda huffed, drinking more water, “If you find her, she’ll definitely flirt with you. Watch.”

“Alright, hydrate.” said Steve.

Wanda smiled, “Always so caring. Love you!”

“Love you too.” laughed Steve as he ushered Bucky into the apartment.

They found Natasha chatting with Tony in the kitchen. She was sitting on her counter and he was making himself another drink.

Natasha straightened her posture when she saw the two men approach them.

“Finally stopped talking to what’s his name?” asked Steve, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Frank. He’s very interested in tech, unlike you.” Tony said playfully, grabbing his fresh scotch.

“Because it’s boring!” Steve said, singing the last word.

Tony smiled and nudged him as he got another beer.

“Having fun?” Natasha asked Bucky.

They were eye level as she sat on her counter.

“Yeah!” he answered happily.

“You seemed uncomfortable earlier. D’you want a real drink?”

“I’m sober, actually.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” she said, sitting even straighter.

“S’fine. I’m a bartender. I get offered drinks all the time.”

“A sober bartender?” she laughed.

“I know right.” Bucky laughed, “Makes no sense but it’s what I’m good at.”  
Tony noticed Bucky and Nat deep in conversation and steered Steve over to the vacant loveseat in the living room. “He’s making friends.” he whispered to his boyfriend like they were proud parents.

Steve’s friend Sherry and her wife were sitting in the two lounge chairs next to them so they started to talk.

The couple situated themselves so that Tony was leaning against the arm rest and Steve was sort of laying on him.

They gossiped for a while. When there was a lull in the conversation, Steve looked over to the kitchen to see Natasha and Bucky still giggling together. 

She was definitely getting more tipsy and subtly forcing her boobs to spill out of her sparkly top she was wearing.

Bucky pulled out his phone and so did she. They seemed to be exchanging numbers.

Tony turned to his man and asked if it was okay if he took off.

They had already been there a few hours and some people had left already.

“I got that brunch in the morning.” Tony mentioned.

“I remember.” sighed Steve, sitting up. They said their goodbyes to the two women and Steve walked him out.

“I’ll call you tomorrow when I get home, okay?” Tony said softly as he was sliding into the fancy car service that was picking him up. He closed the door and rolled down the window. 

Steve leaned down to kiss him, “See you tomorrow. I love you.”

When he rejoined his friends upstairs, Bucky seemed to be talking to a few more of his friends from work besides Natasha. Steve mingled a little more on his own.

Natasha was laughing the loudest out of all of them.

By the time Steve sat back down alone on the couch with his beer, Wanda wandered back in the apartment to join him. 

“I threw up.” she said in a small weak voice.

Steve stifled a laugh and rubbed her shoulder, “Aw, you okay?”

“I feel better at least.” she said, staring down at her feet.

The party had thinned out quite a lot and Steve went over to Bucky to ask if they could go home. He was talking to Natasha and Clint at the dining table.

Bucky thanked her for a great evening and she promised to text him soon.

As they went outside to wait for an uber, Steve asked Bucky “So, I take it you like Natasha?”

With a small smile, Bucky looked away “Yeah, we got a lot in common. She’s great.”

Steve looked him over as his friend pulled out a cigarette, “Did you get to talk to anyone else?”

“Yeah, me and Clint got along and your friend Coulson. He seemed to like you a lot.”

“I think he has a crush on me.” laughed Steve.

“Oh...HARD.” exhaled Bucky.

They took the uber home and after talking the rest of the night in their separate beds, they drifted off to sleep.

\-------------

Sunday morning, Steve woke up in Tony’s bed from the sound of his alarm. It was about 8:00AM and the two of them were naked and spooning.

“The fuck.” groaned Tony, feeling his larger man behind him reach over and turn the phone off.

“I was going to meet Sam.” said Steve, still holding Tony tight against his chest.

Tony mumbled “Right now?” He kept his eyes closed.

Steve left a few kisses across the smaller man’s shoulders. “Yeah, in a minute.”

Slowly, Tony turned to look up suggestively at him.

With a gentle scoff, Steve asked “Aren’t you tired from last night?”  
“Me? Tired of this?” asked Tony, grabbing the man’s muscular ass. The movement made their cocks rub together.

“I don’t have that much time.” smiled Steve, peppering kisses all over his face slowly.

Tony said in a low voice, “I want to cum with you again before you leave.”

Shuddering pleasantly from his words, he said “Hun, I’d love that but I need to get going.”

They had sex for hours the night before.

Steve had asked Tony to be rough with him and he was trying to, but ultimately he couldn’t fully commit. As soon as Tony would take hold of his throat to choke him, (like he was asked to) he would loosen his grip gradually until he wasn’t even trying anymore.

Steve had bent over to get spanked and Tony barely popped him with any force.

He had assured the older man many times that he wouldn’t hurt him. It was okay to be more coarse with Steve.

While they had good sex (though predictable) and they both did get to cum...it was just kind of disappointing. Steve even started to feel embarrassed for asking a few times for something he maybe didn’t want to do.

He could see it would make Tony uncomfortable because he had to explain later how he felt about it. “I just can’t hurt you.” Tony had said, “I love you too much and I don’t like to feel pain, so I don’t want to inflict it on other people. I’m sorry, babe.”

Steve nodded and told him he understood. They compromised on trying to get Tony to just boss him around next time and use his words to dominate him.

Maybe that would be enough to scratch this itch he’s had for years.

When Steve first came out, he did his rounds on grindr and other hookup apps but never really found the right guy to actually fuck. They would never go all the way because they didn’t seem RIGHT.

The only time he’d let a guy fuck him right away, was a Dom.

That man showed him things about himself he’d never have found out on his own.

They only got together once and then the man deleted his profile. Later that year, he met Tony.

Tony was a gentle lover, and always would be. Steve wanted that, just not all the time.

He was dressed and putting on his jacket to leave as he kissed Tony at the door. “Remember you can come stay with me any night until Friday this week while Buck’s gone.”

Tony smiled fondly, “Yeah? Let’s spend a few nights there together. Ya know, to say goodbye to the old place.”

“Sure thing, honey.” Stev said. He met Sam at the track to run. When they finished, they grabbed lunch together at a nearby open air food market.

Steve arrived home around noon. He went straight to his bedroom to grab some dirty towels when he realized Bucky was in the bathroom with the door cracked slightly.

The steam on the mirror indicated he had just gotten out of the shower. He was leaning against the bathroom counter with a towel around his hips, being held up by his amputated arm.

Bucky’s phone was propped up against the wall on the counter and he was using his one hand to zoom in and out of a picture. His breathing was heavy and for a second it almost sounded like he was sobbing.

Steve then realized he was jerking off and the picture he was using was of himself and Natasha in their bathing suits at the beach.

Steve immediately flushed and walked quickly and quietly into his bedroom to get the hamper of dirty towels. He ran through his kitchen to the laundry closet.

He started shoving towels into the washer, making as much noise as possible to subtly let Bucky know he was home. Steve even started to hum a song to himself as his thoughts ran wild.

So he’s into Natasha already?  
She was trying really hard to get him to like her at the party.  
She’s gorgeous, tough, and defiant, like him.  
Of course he’d go for her.  
They just became friends on Facebook, no doubt that is where he got that picture he was jerking it to.

Steve’s stomach felt tight, like he was guilty of something. 

Why did he care?  
Even if he was attracted to her, doesn’t mean he wants to date her or anything.  
Why did that thought make him feel relieved?

Bucky came into the kitchen in clothes with damp, brushed hair to fill up his water bottle.

“Hey.” he smiled.

“Hey.” Steve answered, avoiding eye contact and messing with the dry food in the closet so his hands had something to do.

“I’m all packed up, I was just about to get on the road.” Bucky told him.

He glanced over casually, “Yeah, have a safe trip. Tell your family I said hi.”

“I will. You don’t want to go with me, by any chance?” 

“To Indiana?” laughed Steve.

“Not feeling spontaneous today?” Bucky asked, putting the lid on his bottle.

Steve closed the closet door and stood against it, “Can’t say I am, although Shelbyville is tempting.”

“You go for the lack of people but stay from the lack of gas stations.” joked Bucky, “I understand. I just don’t want to deal with my dad. I feel like he’s just going to be...vicious since I haven’t been home.”

“Well, at least you have a dad.” Steve said sincerely, looking at his feet, “Just try to make your peace with him while he’s still alive. He’s the only parent you have.”

“You’re right.” he sighed, “Just not looking forward to it.”

“Are you going to mention Madison or Marco to them?” 

“Hell no. If they ask about her, I’ll tell them we broke up. Nothing more.”

“Gotcha.” said Steve casually. Bucky grabbed his duffel bag and went back into the dining room to ask Steve for a hug.

“I stink. I just got back from a run with Sam.” he said, putting his hands up in front of him.

“I don’t care, hug me punk.” said Bucky.

Steve slowly obliged and hugged him earnestly. “Be careful.” 

“Never.” promised Bucky as they pulled back. He went to the front door and blew Steve a kiss, “Don’t eat too much takeout while I’m gone. See ya Friday.”

With that, he was out the door.

For the first time in weeks, Steve was home all alone...with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you like it? Please feed me comments, give my life meaning. It will get more scandalous.


	4. Chapter 4: This Mystery Only Leads to Doubt

Steve got home from work Friday afternoon to find Bucky’s shoes kicked off in the living room and his duffel bag on the floor of the hallway.

During Bucky’s trip, they didn’t really talk much except for a few texts.

Slowly, he made his way into the bedroom and was greeted with the sight of his friend sleeping in his own bed, face down in his clothes.

Steve huffed at himself when he looked down on the floor to find Bucky’s bed deflated. He’d foolishly forgotten to set it back up. 

The poor guy must have been exhausted.

Knowing Bucky had to leave for work in about 4 hours, Steve decided to help him out. He changed out of his work clothes and quietly went out to grab the duffel bag full of clothes.

Once he dumped the clothes in the washer, he went into his office to start assembling moving boxes.

Tony and he had grabbed a ton of them that week so he could start packing his apartment away at his leisure.

After a few hours, Steve started to get hungry, so he cooked some turkey burgers.

It was nearly 7:30pm when he decided to wake up his friend. Going in the bedroom quietly, Steve snuck over to where Bucky was laying on his side snoring, mouth wide open.

“Hey Buck.” he called softly, like when he woke up Tony.

Bucky only stopped snoring and stirred, he didn’t quite open his eyes.

Steve tried again, shaking his shoulder a little.

He snorted and woke up, “Huh!” he exclaimed.

“Hey. I made burgers. I thought you would want some.”

Bucky blinked at him for a second then sat up and stretched, "Sounds good. I'm coming." He rasped.

"Take your time." He smiled, going to grab some for himself.

After Steve had sat down and started eating, Bucky shuffled in the kitchen to grab his plate. 

He noticed the laundry door open and the dryer going. Bucky's empty duffel lay on top of the machines.

A warm smile came over his face as he went to join Steve at the dining table. Bucky put his plate down and stood next to him for a second.

"What’s up?" Asked Steve curiously with a mouthful of food. Suddenly the brunette man hugged him tight around his shoulders.

"Thank you." murmured Bucky, leaning his head on Steve's shoulder.

"No problem." He giggled.

When Bucky let go and sat down to eat he told him "You didn't have to do my laundry. I appreciate it."

"I saw you were dead asleep and you didn't have a bed when you got back. Least I could do."

They smirked softly at each other, continuing their dinner. 

"How was it, anyway?" Steve asked.

"The trip was fine. Pretty painless. Visiting with my family had its ups and downs."

"How did Becca look?" 

Bucky smiled as he chewed, "Fat and happy."

With a laugh, Steve said "I'm telling her you said that."

That earned him a playful scowl. 

Bucky swallowed some food before stating, "My dad was crass as ever. I had to put him in his place."

The blonde man's brows furrowed, "What happened?"

"He bugged me about why I wasn't married yet, then asked if I was 'still a faggot' in front of everyone."

Steve couldn’t hide how disgusted he felt hearing that. It was written all over his face.

Bucky bit into his burger, "I basically had to assure him that I knew he was scared about his surgery. I told him that making everyone else feel as bad as he did was not going to ease that fear."

"What did he say to that?" Asked Steve.

"We had a heart to heart.” He replied with a full mouth, “We talked about Mom and Pakistan and how he really was scared to lose his family. Dad decided he'd been too hard on me. He even apologized."

Sitting back and sighing pleasantly, Steve said "Wow, that's really nice. That's progress. He just opened up to you?"

"Yeah. Had to wait until I was 28, lose my Mom, and an arm, but he finally did." smiled Bucky.

Steve averted his eyes and cleared his throat before he asked "What did he mean by 'are you still a…'"

With a chuckle, the brunette man finished off his burger. "I came out as bisexual to him when I went home after the war." He spoke so casually as if that wasn’t a big deal.

"Really?" Steve said in surprise, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't seem important." 

Steve kept his calm demeanor and kept his voice as gentle as possible, "Even though you showed up at my place right after that? You said you had nowhere to stay." 

"Well I didn't have a place to stay, not where I was welcome." Shrugged Bucky.

For a minute Steve debated bringing up the past. He remembered things about Bucky's home life when they were in school together that seemed relevant, but also could possibly upset him. 

He remained silent. 

"Ya know," Bucky said thoughtfully, "I seem to run to you every time I go through something in my life."

The words brought warmth to Steve's chest. "I'll always be here, Buck."

They made eye contact. Bucky appeared to be blushing. 

\------------------

That night when he showed up to work, Bucky's hair was up in a bun and he was wearing his usual vest but with a t-shirt. He was a little disheveled. 

Sure, he got some rest after the drive in but it wasn't enough. Bucky just chose hanging out with Steve instead of going back to bed.

He'd brought home photos of the two friends from their younger days, given to him by Becca.

"Look at these losers." Bucky told him as he handed him a polaroid from a small shoe box.

The photo handed to Steve was one of the two of them at 15 at a System of a Down concert. Their outfits were awful and what could only be described as "New Jersey punk".

"Oh SHIT" laughed Steve, "That show was wild though."

They recalled memories together until Bucky had to leave.

His co-worker, Okoye, (most people called her Koy) smiled at him. "Well look what the cat dragged in." She said with her thick African accent coming through. 

Bucky came behind the bar with her and started to clock in, "I drove for 12 hours and slept for 4."

Okoye was wearing a button down top, open and untucked with ripped jeans. She always kept her haircut shaved bald and makeup flawless.

Bucky considered her his favorite person to work with. 

They did inventory together before the patrons started to arrive. 

"I will make coffee then. That sounds nice actually." She said, going over to the pot on the counter. 

The bar itself was wrapped around them on 3 sides in a U shape. The rest of the place was pretty open with a few small tables here and there.

"How was Indianana?" She asked casually.

Bucky snickered, "Indiana. It was fine."

"Indiana." She repeated. "Did you see your sister?"

"Yeah." Bucky took out his phone, showing her a photo of him and a very pregnant Becca. 

"She's gorgeous, Bucky. Long silky brown hair just like you."

Bucky thanked her and started to prepare the ice machine. 

‐-‐---

The next morning, after his run with Sam, Steve went home to shower then packed up office boxes to bring to Tony's place.

A moving truck pulled up and took Steve there. It was the first room he had completely emptied. 

Tony was not around when Steve arrived but his assistant, Pepper, was sitting on the living room sofa doing work on a tablet.

She always wore pencil skirt business suits, even on beautiful chilly weekends such as this one. 

"Hi Steve." She smiled as he came in to sit next to her. The movers were taking a few minutes to unload the boxes. 

"What's up, Pep." He nodded.

"Just getting ready for the seminar next week." She sighed, not looking away from her tablet. "I'm up to my eyeballs in emails and Tony and I have about 3 different online meetings this afternoon."

Tony was asked to be in a tech seminar. He was giving an official TED talk and had to stay in San Diego.

The hope was that this new exposure would attract more foreign business.

"Yeah I know. I could barely get a lunch date squeezed in tomorrow before you guys leave." Steve chuckled, "He still worked out today, huh?"

"Yes, he's still in the shower." replied Pepper.

Steve nodded and subtly got up to make his way down the hall and into Tony's bedroom.

“Oh, but-” Pepper started to say, getting him to turn back to her, “his first appointment is in about an hour. Could you remind him?”

“Sure.” he said, heading into the master suite.

He could hear Tony turning off the shower and getting out to start drying off.

A metallic song was blasting from his “Stark pod” speaker. Steve was chuckling at the sound of his boyfriend singing along.

It could be none other than “Enter Sandman”.

Quietly, Steve made his way in the bathroom and listened to his boyfriend sing, “...just a beast under your bed. In your closet in your-”

“Hey.” exclaimed Steve, making Tony yelp in surprise and almost slip.

Luckily, Tony caught himself on the counter. 

Steve was doing a poor job of holding in his laughter, “I’m...I’m sorry, honey. Just wanted to surprise you.”

“Well congratulations!” said Tony, clutching his chest, but stifling a smile. “Remember my heart condition?” His towel fell, leaving him naked, hands on his hips and trying to breathe.

Amused, the blonde man made it over to his man. “I just wanted to see you.”

Tony turned off the music and looked up at him with fake annoyance, “Kill me, you mean.”

“Oh, stoppit.” smiled Steve, hugging him from behind and kissing his cheek.

“You suck.” pouted Tony.

“So do you, and quite well.” Steve breathed in his ear deeply. He ran his hands down his legs slowly, moving toward his dick.

Tony actually laughed at that and leaned his now dry naked ass against his man’s thick pants. (They were surprisingly soft on the outside.)

“I’m not keeping you right?” Steve sucked on his earlobe, eliciting a moan from Tony.

“I don’t know…” stuttered the smaller man as a large hand ghosted over his dick, “I have a meeting.”

“It’s in an hour. That’s what Pepper said.”

Tony audibly gulped when Steve fully grabbed him to start stroking. “The movers are here with you, I presume?” 

Steve whispered in his ear, “Yeah, but they are probably already done and gone. Let me take care of you, honey bun.”

The smaller man went limp in his arms, and let his strong hands take over. One went to Tony’s left pec to hold him up and play with his nipple. The other continued petting his dick expertly. 

Steve was squeezing him in just the right place to feel him shiver with every upstroke. “I’m gonna miss this gorgeous body.”

Tony tipped his head back against his shoulder to listen better, “H’m gonna miss you too. It’s...just...ugh...4 days or so.”

“Need this luscious cock too much.” sighed Steve.

“I know, baby. Wanna g-give it to you...all the time. Mmm!” moaned Tony, his eyes closed and his hips thrusting forward against his hand.

"God, you're so hot." Steve said into his ear with sizzling intensity. 

Over the past few days, Tony was staying over at Steve and Bucky's place. (They officially added Bucky’s name to the lease.)

The days the couple had shared recently were filled with eating a meal or two, television, and nonstop sex. 

Tony and Steve had been practicing with the older man being more verbally aggressive. 

It seemed like they had a good mutual understanding of what they both wanted. 

"Tell me...what you want." Groaned Steve into his ear.

Tony opened his eyes and paused, "What, right now?"

"Please," smiled Steve, pressing his lips against his ear to breathlessly address him as "Mister Stark."

He recognized the title as an indication he needed to start making demands or he might not be allowed to finish. 

"Baby, you better fist my cock tighter." Tony whimpered out. Trying to sound tougher, he said, "I want it to feel like that magnificent hole of yours."

Steve kissed and licked on his neck while his hand gripped harder.

The humping motions Tony was making became more fierce and desperate. He was starting to fall apart.

"Wanna make you cum, Mister Stark." Steve told him in a high whine, "I want to be a good slut for you."

This was usually the part Tony gave up on their little game. He knew he had to keep playing along. 

This is truly what his boyfriend wanted and Tony wasn't going to drop out and have a tiff just before he took a big trip.

He'd indulge Steve for now.

"Make me cum. Show me what a good slut you are." Moaned Tony being pushed over the edge at that moment. 

Knowing he might scream, Steve covered his mouth and grabbed the towel to catch Tony's release, which came suddenly and was quite explosive.

A few squeaks escaped him before he was let go from Steve's arms and leaned against the counter.

When Tony was cleaned off, he slowly turned to the mirror to fix his hair with his products.

Steve just stood in the doorway, smiling, admiring.

Finally the brunette man was wandering naked over to his closet for clothes.

After a minute, Tony sauntered out wearing a pair of jeans and holding two t-shirts and a blazer. "Which one, babe?"

Steve shrugged, "I guess Ozzy."

Tony nodded and tossed the Smiths shirt back into the closet, "Prince of Darkness, always a good choice."

He slipped it on, handing the blazer to Steve. The blonde put the jacket on for him.

Tony turned around and leaned up to kiss his man, "You are so good to me, my love."

Steve put his hands on Tony's hips, "You're even better to me."

They both professed their love to each other, stealing kisses and embracing. 

Tony looked over Steve's face and pretended not to notice the sound of Pepper’s high heels clacking up and down the hallway. She was pacing, that must mean the meeting is soon.

"What're you up to tonight? Still going out with Nat?"

Steve nodded then rolled his eyes a little, "Yeah, she wants to go to Bucky's bar of all places."

"Ooh!" Tony sang, "She likes him."

He shrugged, "Yeah."

"Aww," pouted Tony playfully, "is somebody worried his best friend is gonna be stolen by his other best friend?"

"No." Laughed Steve, "I just think he's still fragile right now."

Tony scoffed, "He's not a butterfly."

Steve just made a concerned face. 

"I know, I know." Whined Tony while leaving kisses on his neck, "You're always trying to protect everyone. At ease, soldier."

"Tony! It’s about that time." Pepper's voice carried through the door.

The two men pulled back and walked out the room hand in hand. Pepper was setting up a light and laptop in front of the couch.

"See you tomorrow? Or does that depend on how much you drink tonight?" Asked Tony as they got in the elevator.

"Still on for tomorrow. Lunch time right?"

"Brunch," he corrected, "I want to see you as early and long as possible. I have to pop into the lab for inspections tomorrow evening."

"You got it." Steve said, kissing his hand.

“I can get us an open rezzy at Parker & Quinn.” smiled Tony, giving him a smoldering look.

Steve shrugged, “That’s nice and all but I was hoping we could spend some private time together.”

“Aw, d’you want me to have a personal chef drop by?” Tony asked, seeming a little excited.

“No, no...we can cook brunch together. Like when we first started dating. What d’you say?”

“How…” Tony pondered the word he was looking for, “sentimental. Sounds perfect, love.”

They both sighed happily when the door opened on the elevator to the foyer.

A black SUV was waiting outside with a driver at the door waiting to open it.

When Steve noticed, he grumbled “You ordered me a car?”

“Yeah, well Brooklyn is too far to walk. You already ran what, 7 miles today?”

“There is a train.” he laughed.

“Babycakes.” pouted Tony, both of them pausing in the space between the two entrance doors. “When you are with me, you don’t ever have to ride that dinky train again.”

“What if I need to get groceries?”

“There are about 4 markets within walking distance but if you buy too much, there is a brilliant delivery service, you recall.”

It was a normal occurrence lately for the two of them to have discussions about all the lifestyle changes that were going to have to happen when they live together. This was only another one added to the list.

Steve crossed his arms, “Those things are such a rip-off though, Tony. You end up paying about 30 dollars more for no reason.”

“Don’t worry about it. That’s chump change and I want you to be able to have anything in the kitchen you’re heart desires.”

Steve flinched, “It feels icky, like I should be doing it myself.”

“Whatever you need, babe.” Tony smiled, “If you want to do the shopping yourself and need help, me and Happy both will go with you. It doesn’t matter.”

Steve kissed him passionately, then took the 40 minute trip home.

He found Bucky asleep on the couch with an empty pizza box on the coffee table.

Obviously the man had only woken up to eat the entire medium pie and pass out again. Bucky still had a few hours to rest.

Steve gathered the pizza box and napkins quietly and brought them into the kitchen. While he was in there, he thought he would wash the mug and cup he used that morning.

Suddenly he heard a strange choked noise. Turning off the water, Steve listened and realized it was coming from Bucky.

He made his way to the living room to witness his friend having a full on nightmare.

Bucky was groaning and panting, whimpering “No...no!” repeatedly. His prosthetic arm was clutched around a couch pillow as he laid on his right side.

Steve kneeled in front of him and tried to shake him awake while calling his name softly. 

The terrified look on Bucky’s face got worse and he started to whine louder in fear.

Steve cupped his friend’s face and said a little louder, “Bucky? Bucky, wake up!”

When he finally did open his eyes, his skin and prosthetic hands both fought against the ones holding Bucky’s face. Tears were falling down his cheeks as he finally focused on the man hovering over him.

“You here with me?” asked Steve softly, staring into his eyes.

The brunette man was still breathing heavy. Looking around the room, he nodded. “I-I think so.”

“What’s my name?”

“It’s okay, Stevie. I know where I am.”

Steve let go of him when he heard that but touched his hip softly, “You alright? Need your meds?”

He tried to even out his breathing and sat up a little, “I don’t know yet…”

Steve took back his hand, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I just...ate a big meal then fell asleep.” Bucky said weakly, adjusting his t-shirt, “That causes nightmares sometimes.” 

Sitting back on his heels, Steve waited for him to start breathing normally.

Bucky stared at the floor.

Steve handed him his water bottle from the coffee table.

The brunette man accepted it and immediately took a few sips of water.

“Which one was it?” asked Steve softly.

“Pakistan. The explosion. Always is.”

“I have that one too.” 

“I just...I don’t know.” sighed Bucky, putting his bottle back on the table.

Steve got up to sit next to him on the couch and put his arm around his shoulders. Slowly, Bucky’s head tipped over to rest on Steve’s.

“It’s gonna be alright.”

“I know.” Bucky said, fidgeting with his fabricated hand. “The dreams just...give me phantom limb pain.”

“Oh, Buck…” his voice cracked.

“Stop feeling sorry for me. You know I hate that.” it was obvious Bucky was holding back a sob as he said that. 

Steve assumed there were silent tears falling down his cheeks but he couldn’t look at him, “I just wish I could take this away from you. Remember what I told you in the Hospital? You saved the entire platoon.”

“I did.” he sniffed.

“You did.” Steve said pleasantly, “We are all still alive, including yourself. You won a metal, you lost an arm. It was selfless and brave.”

There was a few minutes of silence before Bucky sighed and sat up straight.

Looking over him, the blonde man asked “Do you want to come to counseling with Sam and I this week?”

“Sure, maybe. I mean, the nightmares really haven’t been happening for a while.” murmured Bucky, wiping his face. 

“When did they stop?” asked Steve.

“About when I moved in here.” Bucky said, finally returning his gaze. He announced he was taking a shower and took one of his pills just to be safe.

Steve made himself a tofu rice bowl and as he finished eating, Bucky came out dressed like a fancy rockstar with his hair up halfway. He smelled like heaven. (More like Acqua Digio cologne.)

He messed with his hair in a small mirror near the door, “What time does girl’s night start?”

Smirking, Steve looked him over and replied, “About 10, I suppose. Natasha will be over here in a bit.”

Bucky nodded and slipped his black leather jacket on. He pointed to the mirror, “When you move out, can I keep this?”

“Sure.” he nodded.

“Cool. So, when you show up to the bar, remember to sit by the register.”  
Steve stood with his dishes, “Done.”

Bucky headed out.

After doing the dishes, Steve started to obsess about what he should wear. It was the week before Halloween so it was chilly but he also didn’t want to make it seem like he was trying to dress up.

He couldn’t ask Nat’s opinion because she had a complete opposite sense of style than Steve.

Natasha always dressed so flashy when she went out since she was a confident, single woman in New York City that had to wear camouflage to work every day.

Steve changed clothes a few times before he settled on a blue flannel shirt and a black bomber jacket. Steve styled his hair and by the time he was finished, Natasha was knocking on his front door.

“Oooh!” she whooped when he opened the door, “You look hot.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Whatever.” He stood aside to let her in.

Natasha looked around the apartment, “You letting Bucky keep most of this furniture?” 

“Yeah, pretty much.” he shrugged.

“That’s super nice of Tony to help him stay here.” she commented, strolling down the hallway to inspect the dark empty office.

Bucky moved his air mattress in the room right before he left. That was going to be his new room once Steve left. It had a nice floor to ceiling window in the middle of the wall, so he liked the view.

“Stop being nosey.” chuckled Steve, watching her peeking into the rooms.

She kept her arms crossed and turned back around. Of Course she was in a long red dress and heels with a black trench coat and her hair and makeup looked professionally done.

Nat sighed,“You're ready to go?”

He nodded and they got an uber to the bar.

As the two friends sat at the bar, Bucky greeted them happily from behind it. He introduced them to his co-workers, Koy and Scott.

It was pretty crowded and noisy that night but it was mainly small groups staying at their tables with friends, only getting up to get more drinks.

Bucky took care of the first round for them, giving Steve a whisky and a vodka tonic to Natasha. 

“You’re so sweet.” she told Bucky loudly over the music, “You’re getting a big tip at the end of the night.”

He winked at her and asked Steve if there was enough ice in his whisky.

“Perfect.” Steve told him.

They joked around and chatted with Bucky between his bartending duties.

Natasha was flirting with Bucky and dominating their conversations. Steve tried to talk with her and distract her when Bucky went off to work, but she would become completely distracted every time he approached them.

A few drinks into the night, Natasha was watching Bucky take care of a patron when she leaned in to Steve’s ear, “Hey.”

“Yo.” he said, appearing obviously tipsy.

“What’s his track record like?” Natasha asked, nodding over at Bucky.

Steve followed her gaze and sighed, “Not great.”

“Is he scared of commitment or just doesn’t believe in it?”

“Neither?” He paused for a second, “Remember how I said he was here because he got out of a bad living situation? It was an abusive relationship. He ran from it and he literally had to start a new life.”

Natasha pouted at Steve, “Poor guy…”

“I know.” Steve said, not breaking his stare at Bucky, “He’s the best man I know, he didn’t deserve how he was treated.” He realized he wasn’t telling her the whole story and fought with himself about revealing that much information to her.

Of course he didn’t want to seem like he was trying to make Bucky look BAD, Steve just didn’t want him to jump into something new, with his friend, and break his own heart again.

“The problem was,” Steve said apprehensively, “he made some poor decisions, but his old partner um...overreacted.”

“What poor decisions?” asked Natasha curiously, downing the rest of her vodka.

He gave her a defiant look.

“You can tell me. I’m not a gossip. You know me better than that.” she insisted, nudging him.

Steve made sure Bucky’s coworkers weren’t within earshot, then glanced over at Bucky mixing drinks a few steps away. “Basically, he cheated on someone.” 

“Oh, that’s all?” scoffed Natasha.

“Cheated on someone...with their brother.”

“Oh!” she said, choking on water she was trying to sip through a straw.

Bucky came over to the register to close a tab. He noticed Natasha coughing and wiping up water.

“You alright, Nat?” asked Bucky, handing her napkins.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” she laughed, waving him off.

He smirked back and nodded toward Steve, “Need a refill?”

Steve nodded, “One more wouldn’t hurt.”

Bucky reached over the bar and grabbed his glass. “How about you?”

Natasha realized he was talking to her,“Yes, one more please. Thank you.”

The brunette man took the glasses over to the sink and grabbed them two new ones, heading over to the liquor shelf.

“So he’s a little wild, but hey so am I.” shrugged Natasha, “He’s still a sweetheart.”

Steve agreed with her and looked down at his phone for a distraction. He sent an “Thinking about you. I love you.” text to Tony.

Natasha started humming along to a song playing then Bucky came back with their drinks.

“So, this round is actually on the house.” he announced.

They both looked at Bucky, surprised.

“You don’t have to do that, Buck.” said Steve, smiling and shaking his head.

“No, it’s not from me.” said Bucky, he pointed over his shoulder, “Guy with the hipster beard with the green coat over there paid for ‘em. He asked me to ask Nat to come ‘say hi’.”

Natasha laughed, sounding kind of cocky. Like this sort of thing happens to her all the time. (Steve realized it kind of happens often when they go out.)

“Oh really?” she said in a monotone, making eye contact with the green coat guy.

“He’s been staring at you all night.” Steve told her.

Bucky grabbed a receipt he had just printed and grabbed a clipboard and pen, “Do you want me to tell him to fuck off, Nat?”

Natasha brushed her hand through her hair, “No, but thank you. I think I could have some fun with him. Let’s see how much free shit I can get.” She started to busy herself with chugging down her drink. She noticed it was grey goose, not the cheap shit, so it was actually so much SMOOTHER. (Especially since it was free.)

He laughed, “You got it.” and went off to hand the receipt to a guy adjacent to them.

Bucky slid over to Steve and leaned his elbow on the bar, “I upgraded your whisky because that guy said he was paying.”

“Fuck yeah.” Steve said, making a playfully excited face and fist bumping his friend.

“So, check it out,” Bucky said excitedly, nodded over toward his coworker behind him, “Scott is selling his xbox one and I told him I wanted it, he’s practically giving it to me, it’s so cheap.”

“Oh sweet, current generation or?”

“Yeah, pretty much. He just got a bigger one as a gift so, anyway, now all I need is like a sweet TV to mount on the wall. We could start playing games together online from your penthouse.” smiled Bucky.

Steve returned the contagious grin, “Honestly Bucky...”

The words made the brunette man’s bearded smile falter.

“You can probably keep my two TVs.” finished Steve, “Tony has a trove of monitors everywhere. I’ll be living in a robot home essentially. I doubt I’ll need them.”

“No way!” Bucky said with an appreciative whine. He was touched.

Steve glanced over at Natasha who was getting up to go to the bathroom. He instinctively slid her belongings closer to him on the bar.

Bucky continued “You guys are already doing too much for me.” 

When Steve looked back at him, he realized just how sloshy his head felt. This drink probably should be his last.

Bucky looked so perfect, with the romantic lighting in the bar and his hair looking so soft and framing his face. Bucky’s expression one of admiration and innocence. 

Steve just wanted to reach over the bar and hug him. “It’s alright, Buck. You need these things more than I do, and you deserve them.”  
Biting his lip in thought for a minute, Bucky said, “Okay, but for real though I will pay for the two flat screens.”

“You don’t have to. What else would I do with them? Let them collect dust somewhere or donate them.” insisted Steve.

“I’ll pay a depreciated price.”

“One is very small, like 18 inches.”

“$350 for both. How’s that sound?”

“Bucky…”

“$300, final offer.” 

Steve laughed, “Okay, fine.”

They shook hands over the bar and Bucky got back to work.

Glancing down at his phone, Steve noticed a text from Tony that said “Hope you’re having fun, baby! I love you.”

When Natasha came back to her seat at the bar she started to flirt with the guy in the green coat. She was not being subtle. He bought her two more rounds then she was officially wasted.

Steve had started drinking water for the past hour so he was in a nice mellow middle ground where he would be completely sober soon.

The green coat man was suddenly behind Natasha, standing there and waiting for her to turn around.

Steve nudged her and cleared his throat.

She turned to the man and said hello.

“Could I get your number?” he asked in a flirtatious tone.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m getting married.” she said with a slightly boozy voice, “Thank you so much for the drinks, though.”  
Bucky stood at the register as he tried not to laugh and show he was listening.

“Are you serious?” the guy scoffed.

“Yeah, to him.” slurred Natasha, hooking her arm in Steves.

The green coat guy stood there scowling, “What? Why were you flirting with me then?”

“I was just being nice. We were celebrating our engagement, I thought you knew. I’m so sorry for the confusion.” she said, sympathy in her voice.

He huffed and stormed out of the bar, pushing a few people out of his way to the door.

As soon as the door closed, Bucky burst into laughter and Okoye came over to investigate to get in on the joke. She then high-fived Natasha.

The bar had emptied out a little when they were closing up their tabs.

Bucky leaned on the bar in front of a drunk Natasha and asked her how she was doing.

“I need quesadillas and my bed. I had so much fun though! I like this place.” she smiled, leaning up to hug him across the bar and wobbling.

He was afraid she would fall, so Bucky leaned back and said playfully, “Wait, wait! Hold on! Stay there.” He ran around the bar to the other side and swiveled her around on her stool to hug her properly.

Steve giggled to himself and shook his head as he signed his check.

“We should do this again.” smiled Natasha when they pulled back. She kept her hands on Bucky’s arms that were still around her.

“Sure, just text and ask if I am working. Come hang out anytime.” Bucky said pleasantly, looking down at her.

“You smell so good.” she complimented.

With a laugh, Bucky was finally able to let go and step back. “Thank you, so do you.”

Steve was given a friendly pat on the shoulder from his friend.

“Get her home safe.” said Bucky.

“I always do.” said Steve pointedly at her.

Natasha looked at him with an attitude, “You don’t ALWAYS have to do anything.” 

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’ll see you at home in about 2 hours or so.” said Bucky, walking backwards to get back behind the bar.

“Sure thing.” he replied, helping Natasha off the stool and grabbing her things for her. They went outside and got an uber.

Okoye approached Bucky after they left, “So your friends are nice. I like them.”

“Yeah, Natasha is kind of a new friend.” replied Bucky.

Scott gave a container of dirty beer mugs to the barback, “You want to be more than friends with her?”

Bucky sighed and shook his head, “I don’t know. That’s kind of personal.”

“What do you mean?” asked Okoye, confused.

“Oh come on,” laughed Scott, “she was all over Bucky the whole night.”

“I thought you were interested in your guy friend, honestly.” Okoye said to Bucky.

“Steve?!” Bucky laughed.

Okoye grabbed the cleaner and towels to wipe down the bar, “Steve, that’s right. He definitely seems interested in YOU. The way HE was looking at you, when you speak…”

“What way?” asked Bucky, following her as she cleaned.

“In my country, we call it ‘thandayo’...like he thinks you are the most beautiful person in his life.” she thought for a moment, “I guess, he has fondness? Steve looks at you like you hung the moon.”

Bucky paused and looked at her in disbelief, "He's known me for half his life. He IS fond of me, as a friend. A best friend." 

Okoye turned to him with raised eyebrows.

Bucky stammered, "Besides, he is in a serious relationship to a man that is literally putting me back on my feet."

"Sure,"she smiled,"I'm sure it's not possible to love two people at once."

That was definitely her way of taking a jab at Bucky.

Scott nudged him, “Don’t listen to her. I would definitely tap that Nat girl. She is SO into you.”

“I’m not...tapping anyone right now.” scoffed Bucky.

Scott shrugged, “I mean if you don’t want to, could you put in a good word for me?”

“Sure.” he replied, going to a patron that was flagging him down.

\---------------

Bucky arrived at home and saw Steve was sitting on the balcony, covered in a blanket and sitting on the outdoor couch.

Putting a cigarette in his mouth, stepping out with his best friend.

“Hey.” smiled Steve, “Did you make good money tonight?”

“Sure did. Can I join you?” asked Bucky.

Steve nodded and continued staring down at the lights below.

“You just sitting out here in the cold?” Bucky snickered, lighting his cigarette.

“I was just thinking. It’s peaceful out here.” said Steve softly.

“A little noisy, but sure. I bet the balcony at Tony’s is much quieter.” he exhaled.

Steve looked over at him, “Are you doing better since...before you left?” 

“Yeah, I think so. Tonight was kind of refreshing too, having you guys around.” 

“Good. That’s good.”

Bucky huffed a laugh, “Scott likes Natasha. He wants me to get them acquainted.” He kept Okoye’s comment to himself, wondering if Steve would find it funny or insulting.

“Of course he does, what’s not to like?” said Steve, amused. He cleared his throat, “I actually...should have probably suggested she not get so drunk tonight. I hope Nat wasn’t too embarrassing.”

“No, not at all. She wasn’t that bad.”

Steve also chose to keep Natasha’s comments on Bucky to himself. He didn’t want to contribute to Bucky’s emotional demise all over again.

Who knew if it would end that way if something did start up between Bucky and Natasha? It just didn't seem like a good idea to encourage them. (Even if Bucky was already masturbating to her. So them hooking up seemed inevitable.)

Bucky exhaled a puff of smoke, “Was she okay getting home?”

“Yeah, she was fine. Natasha’s used to it.” said Steve.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” 

“I’m going to Tony’s for brunch as soon as I wake up.”

“Oh yeah, because he is leaving for that thing, right?”

“Right.”

Bucky looked down at his phone, “It’s already 4 in the morning.” 

“I was about to go to bed.” said Steve, “I already brushed my teeth and everything.”

“You didn’t have to wait up for me.” Bucky told him, huffing a laugh.

Steve looked over at him, giving him an adorable smile from one corner of his mouth, “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I’ll be fine. When’s the next meeting?” 

“Wednesday.” 

“I’ll be there. I’ll try and come running with you guys this week too.”

Steve nodded and got up to go to bed.

\----------------------------

Bucky woke up the next afternoon (around 5pm), feeling a little groggy. He shuffled out of his room shirtless in a pair of pajama pants, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Steve was sitting at the dining table with his laptop open in front of him. He was crying and a half empty glass of scotch sat next to his hand.

Bucky cleared his throat so he didn’t startle him. 

“Oh, Buck...hey, um...” sniffed Steve, wiping his eyes and taking a sip of the whisky.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked with a scratchy voice, stepping closer to him.

“I just, uh...received a bad email.”

Bucky looked confused for a second then scratched the back of his head, “Look, I’m going to make coffee, but keep talking. I’m listening.”

Steve watched him go into the kitchen and hugged himself.

“Did you go to Tony’s earlier?” asked Bucky, washing the pot and scooping the fresh coffee into the filter.

“Yes.”

“Was it nice?”

“It was. We cooked together.”

“This email must be really bad then. Who is it from?” 

Steve took a deep breath and let it out, trying not to burst into more sobs.  
“It’s from my higher-up. Apparently I am being placed on temporary leave.”

Bucky paused with a clean mug in his hand, “For what?”

Steve read directly from the letter open in front of him, “I am being investigated for ‘conflict of interest’ and could potentially be discharged and/or terminated for ‘violating my contract’.”

“Violating your contract, how could you have done that? You work for HR. You’re just a bookkeeper.” asked Bucky, getting a little upset and protective.

Looking at him through the window into the kitchen with puffy glazed eyes, Steve took another big sip of scotch. “It’s because of Tony.”

The coffee pot dinged and Bucky poured the hot liquid into his mug. He blew on it a little and took a few sips before sitting next to his friend.

“Alright, explain that to me because I thought legally they can’t do anything to you if you are gay…”

“No, it’s not because we’re gay.” sniffed Steve, “They are saying because Tony’s company is in charge of our web security and weapons maintenance, that I technically shouldn’t be with him. Word got out that we were moving in together so it is serious, and my boss renewed our contract with Tony’s company 3 months ago.”

“So, they think that’s because of you. Like what if SI does a good job so you guys are happy with it? Shit.” scoffed Bucky, “That’s not your fault, Steve. Sounds like someone is in your business. You got a rat on your hands.”

“These things happen.” said Steve, shaking his head with more tears appearing, “No one is out to get me. I keep to myself.”

“Why not? Sometimes people are just jealous, it doesn't have to be something you did. Someone had to have deliberately reported this so you would look bad. How else would you guys have flown under the radar for 2 years?” 

“I’m thinking it’s just because me and my co-workers have been talking about Tony and I moving in together nonstop. Anyone could have overheard or talked about me in passing.”

“Steve,” Bucky said, “I think you should do a little investigating of your own. See who might have it in for you.”

He huffed, “Maybe, but I don’t know if that is necessary.” 

“Have you told Tony?”

“No.” whimpered Steve, looking down at his lap. “I just found out about an hour ago. Besides, he’s doing an inspection at his lab right now for his seminar. I won’t even be able to see him off when he leaves tomorrow.”

Bucky took another gulp of his coffee then rubbed his friend’s arm with his skin hand. “Are you going to call him or anything?”

“I can’t right now! I’ll ruin his focus for his presentation.” said Steve, “I mean, eventually they will probably call him in for an interview.” 

"You should probably try and get in touch with him before they do." Suggested Bucky. 

Steve's voice wavered as he looked up from his lap and quickly wiped his falling tears. “I guess I’m not going to work tomorrow either...so I have nothing to really keep me occupied and no boyfriend for 4 days.”

Looking around and stammering, Bucky said, “You could work out with Sam. I'll be here. You will get a lot of packing done. Maybe we could have you all moved over to the penthouse when Tony comes back.”

“Then what?” sighed Steve, throwing his hands up, “I just wait around to see if I’ll be discharged and Tony’s contract terminated? Should I look for a new job? Fuck-” He broke into sobs and could no longer speak.

Bucky stood up and swivelled Steve in his seat to face him, immediately pulling his head into his chest for an embrace. He stroked the blonde man’s back through his soft long sleeve shirt as he sobbed. It was just like Steve had done for him the day before.

“It’s okay, Stevie.” said Bucky softly, “This will probably end up being nothing. Don’t let them scare you into giving up.” 

Continuing to cry, Steve nuzzled his cheek against Bucky’s soft skin on his muscular pec.

“You’re stronger than that. You’ve fought for this country. They can’t just get rid of you.” Bucky assured him.

“I hope your…” Steve hiccuped, “right.”

“I am right.” said Bucky sternly. He looked down at Steve, “Hey.”

The snivelling blonde held him tight and didn’t move.

“Stevie.” Bucky said again, stroking his hair to try to get him to make eye contact. “You believe me, punk?”

“I want to believe I’ll be okay.” he mumbled, staring down at the floor, his hands holding onto his hips. “I just feel like I’m being attacked for who I’m with.”

“Because you are. That’s 100% what is happening.”

There was silence for a minute, then Bucky let go of him slowly and sat in his own chair, putting his knees between Steves and rubbing his shoulders.

“Look, you just have to calm down and step back and figure how to fight this. Wait to see what Tony says.” Bucky said with a small smile, “Alright?”

When Steve finally looked at him with his red and glossy eyes, he looked so weak and helpless. It reminded Bucky of when they were younger and Steve was the smaller one that he had to protect from bullies.

That boy was still in there even though Steve was almost taller and way more muscular than him.

Bucky watched him reach over and grab his glass of scotch without looking at it. He downed the rest of it. 

“You’re right, Buck.” he sighed, “I could get help from Tony and we could figure this whole thing out.” Steve put the empty glass back on the table.

The intoxicated scent of whisky breezed around the two of them.

Immediately Bucky was reminded of how much he missed scotch and how he wished he could be drinking with him.

He and Steve still locked eyes. Neither man realized that they had been leaning their heads in closer to each other.

Managing to avert his gaze, Bucky could only make it down to Steve’s pouty lips. He wondered if he licked into his mouth right now if he could still catch the familiar flavor of the whisky…

Suddenly he could feel Steve's breath on his face. 

Both of Bucky’s hands shot forward and rested on the top of his shoulders, making Steve sit up stiffly.

“I uh…” said Bucky, “I need to get ready for work.” He stood and hurried out of the room to his own bedroom.

Steve sat back in his chair in confusion.  
What just happened?

He felt guilty since Bucky looked scared to death. Steve worried that his one scotch and frazzled emotions made it seem like he was forcing himself on his best friend.

He obviously was being too needy.

Bucky burst into his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

“Koy must have just got in my head.” he thought to himself, changing into real pants. “I was just...being too affectionate...I WAS the one leaning in, I think. Got caught up in the moment."

He felt a little proud of himself since he stopped whatever might have just happened. They didn’t, so that should count for something. 

Like Steve didn't have enough problems? Now he was going to think he couldn't trust Bucky to not take advantage of his fragile state. 

“Shit.” Bucky murmured under his breath, picking out a button down shirt and a sweater to go over it. He put his hair back in a low ponytail at the base of his neck and went into the bathroom to wash his face.

When the brunette man came out in the living space, Steve was sitting on the couch, using the smart remote to pick out a show.

“You’re leaving now? I thought you didn’t have to go in until 6.” Steve acknowledged.

Bucky didn’t look directly at him as he started lacing up his boots. “I thought I might walk to the bar, it’s nice out. Sorry I can’t take the night off but I’ll be home by about 1.”

Steve stared at him, “Is everything alright?”

With a sardonic chuckle, Bucky turned to him, “What do you mean? You’re the one going through something right now.”

“I know I just…” said Steve in a tiny voice, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Stevie. I’m worried about YOU.”

He bit his lip and nodded, more tears threatening to fall.

With a sigh, Bucky told him “Watch some TV, keep your mind off things for a little while, and I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay.” he replied, laying down on his side.

It killed Bucky leaving his friend suffering like that on his own.

As he exited the building, he sent a text to Natasha asking her to call and check in on Steve.

She asked why, but he told her it would be better if Steve explained himself.

Bucky breezed through his slow bartending shift, his head stuck on his best friend.

He got a text from Natasha saying she spent 2 hours on the phone with him and she promised her help for his and Tony’s situation. They also made plans to meet up for coffee that week.

When Bucky got home, Steve was asleep on the couch with Parks and Recreation autoplaying on the TV. He ate a quick sandwich and turned everything off but the dim hallway lights.

The last thing he did was place an unopened water bottle next to Steve on the coffee table.

With one last glance at his sleeping roommate, he went to bed.

The next morning, when Bucky woke up he expected Steve to be cooking breakfast after his run with Sam.

When he walked out in his long sleeve shirt and pajama pants, he was surprised to find the man still sleeping on the couch. His blanket had been kicked off below his thighs and tight calvin klein boxer briefs exposed. (As well as his perfect apple shaped ass.)

Steve shuffled then opened his eyes at him, “Morning.”

“Morning.” smiled Bucky, “You didn’t go on your run?”

“No. I’m kind of hungover.” he mumbled, making himself sit up.

“That’s why I put that there.” Bucky said, nodding at the water bottle next to him.

Steve noticed it and immediately took a sip, “Thank you.”

He nodded, “Want me to make us some breakfast?”

“Maybe...I think I can handle it. I need to get a shower though.”

“Just go do that and I will cook.” suggested Bucky.

Steve scratched his head, “Alright…”

As Bucky started to make eggs, bacon, and toast, his heart hammered in his chest as he thought about talking to Steve about the previous day.

Why acknowledge it? Nothing actually happened.

As Steve appeared in the dining room with fresh clothes and wet hair slicked back, Bucky was snapped out of his thoughts.

He put the food on plates and brought it to the table.

“Are you feeling any better, uh...emotionally?” asked Bucky as they started to eat.

“I guess. Natasha talked to me about it last night. I am feeling a little better about it just not...great.” said Steve softly, staring at his food.

They ate silently for a few minutes. Bucky sipped his coffee until his head was clear. “Are we okay?”

“What?” Steve asked in confusion, dropping his fork and looking up at him.

“I just...I feel like you’re mad at me or something.” shrugged Bucky.

“Why would I be?” he shook his head.

“I don’t know.”

“Well I’m not, Jerk.” Steve forced a laugh.

“I know you got a lot on your mind.”

“Right. I honestly thought I was annoying you...like I have been too needy lately.” (And cockblocking you from Nat.)

“Why would you think that? Absolutely not.” scoffed Bucky.

“You just acted weird before you left yesterday.”

“You don’t know why?”

Steve’s eyes dropped, Bucky’s stare got more intense. He was trying to avoid it.

With a sigh, Bucky admitted, “I think we need to talk.”

“About what?” Steve asked, still playing dumb.

“Steve.” he said firmly, their eyes meeting once again. All Bucky got as a response was his friend’s expectant face. “I think you know what almost happened yesterday.”

That made Steve go pale and stiff.

“I wanted to apologize.” Bucky said.

“Apologize?” asked Steve incredulously, “Why do YOU need to apologize?”

“For...almost taking advantage of you.” he said as if he should already know.

“Taking advantage of me? I was drinking and all over the place. I get a little affectionate when I’m drinking.”

“Oh, I know first hand.”

“What?” 

“That guy you made out with at the club. It was me.” said Bucky.

Steve’s eyes widened. He looked mortified.

When the silence got to be too much to bear, Bucky asked “D’you think we should talk NOW?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me comments. It's my life blood. The next chapter will go right on into their little discussion. D-Rama!


	5. Chapter 5: And I Didn't Understand

Chapter 5: And I Didn’t Understand

Steve sat back in his dining chair and crossed his arms defensively. His stomach was tight and tense. 

"Look," Bucky said tenderly, "I'm not trying to add to your stress right now. I just think we need to address this elephant in the room."

"Why didn't you tell me I kissed you that night?"

"You were blacking out. I honestly thought the memory would come back to you."

Steve nodded and looked out the window, appearing increasingly uncomfortable.

Bucky cocked his head, "You know that's not all."

"Figured it wasn't."

"I know we said we'd never talk about it again but, it's kind of...persistently coming back and making itself known." 

That got Steve to stare back at his friend again, looking worried and on the verge of tears. "That was a long time ago."

"Apparently time passing doesn't matter." scoffed Bucky, “C’mon Steve, we almost kissed yesterday!”

"We've changed, you and me. I'm with Tony." Protested Steve.

"I know." Said Bucky, shaking his head. "I even left you alone for a year because I wanted to give us both a chance, and tried to stay out of the way. I dated. I wanted you to have happiness even more than I wanted it for myself."

A soft gasp escaped Steve as a tear ran down his cheek. 

Bucky pressed his brows together in concern.

Wiping his face with the back of his hand, Steve shook his head and let his eyes wander around the apartment. "Buck…" he exhaled, "I…”

The brunette drank the rest of his coffee and perked up to listen.

"I offered my hand to you when you were in the Hospital.” Steve told him in a stern tone. He gave his recollection with slight irritation. 

It was like he knew he was being lied to years ago but now it was being confirmed. Of course Steve understood he was coming out of a medically induced coma after being bombed. 

Bucky had just become an amputee and had a rocky road ahead of him. There was a rough one in front of Steve too, but them belonging together was one thing he thought he knew for sure. 

“I was completely open and honest with you and you said it would ruin us. You said you didn't want me like that, not really, and we should focus on being friends."

Bucky nodded, "I did. I was in such a bad place mentally."

"I wanted to take care of you, Buck. I wanted us to take care of each other, which, by the way, we’re kind of doing anyway."

"You take care of me more often." admitted Bucky, "I'm a bigger mess than you. That wouldn't have been fair. I didn't know what to do with myself then. Let's face it, I don't really know what I want to do with my life now either."

"It's not about what's 'fair'. I didn't care. I still don't." Steve huffed.

Bucky felt a tear fall down his own cheek. 

"You may have distanced yourself," said Steve, "but I mean...my love for you has been around for 10 years. Ever since high school, when you snuck in my window. It won't matter how long we're apart. You're right, I tried to ignore it too. I moved on. So did you."

"You think I moved on?” Bucky laughed sadly, “Where am I right now?”

“I thought you were interested in Nat. She told me she invited you to hang out. You guys seem to be hitting it off.”

“She’s nice.” said Bucky, “I am being nice to her because she’s friends with you and Nat is actively trying to be my friend too. I wouldn’t hook up with her and do that to you.”

“But you were jerking off to her!” cried Steve before snapping his mouth shut from the embarrassing admission. 

Bucky’s jaw hung open and he shook his head slowly, “What’re you talking about?”

“I...saw you...in the bathroom. It was right before you left for Indiana.”

Thinking to himself for a minute, Bucky said “Wow…”

“I know, I shouldn’t have looked.” said Steve, looking down, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky suggested they go sit in the living room if they weren’t going to keep eating. 

They dropped down opposite sides of the sofa.

Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to decide what to say. “I’m not upset about the...walking in on me. It’s fine, but I'm curious, did you get a good look at who else was in that picture?”

Avoiding eye contact again, Steve gave a sigh “Me…” 

“You.” said Bucky flatly. “I’m not saying I do that often either. I probably should have been more careful. So I’M sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter if you did. It was none of my business.” 

The both nodded silently to themselves for a few minutes. Steve drank the water from the coffee table.

Bucky stared out the window in the dining room.

“Why did you think you could live with me?” asked Steve, sounding genuinely curious.

“I told you,” Bucky replied without looking at him, “I always run to you because you’re…familiar and comforting. Always been a good friend to me.”

The muscle on Steve’s jaw started to twitch a little. 

Bucky’s eyes focused on his face. That nervous, handsome face. He seemed small again.

Since they were making confessions, Bucky said “I’ve had feelings for you...since we first started being friends too.” He became extremely self conscious and thought he sounded pathetic, “Since the first time I walked home with you to play video games.” 

He watched Steve’s Adam’s apple bop as when the blonde man looked down and swallowed.

Bucky told him “You just came up to me so effortlessly. I was unable to talk to anyone until you taught me how.” 

“Five years ago, I told you how I felt about you." said Steve, tears falling silently, "You're the one who didn't say it back."

Bucky sighed, “I know.”

“You’re admitting it NOW of all times and you still haven’t actually said it.” Steve said, twisting his body to face him and wipe the tears from his cheeks.

The brunette man faced him as well, “I’m sorry. I’m finally being honest at least. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to tell me, out loud.” Steve said, cocking his head like he wasn’t fucking around.

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes, “I suggested we HAVE this conversation. I’m not afraid to say it.”

“Then say it. Right now. No bullshit.” said Steve, scooting closer and getting in his face.

“Steve-”

Steve got even closer to him.

“I love you.” Bucky groaned.

Pausing for a second, Steve's eyes darkened. He looked scared and excited at the same time. 

Staring at the blonde man, Bucky whispered again "Steve, I love you."

Not a second passed before Steve leapt forward to connect their lips.

Bucky kissed him back, pushing their tongues together with both hands on Steve’s shoulders.

When they pulled back, Steve said with a relieved expression “I love you too, Buck.” 

“What are we doing?” asked Bucky with heavy eyelids and labored breaths. His hands were still on his shoulders, preventing him from coming closer.

“Feels natural, doesn’t it?” sighed Steve, shaking his head in disbelief.

As he stared at Steve’s flushed face, searching for discomfort he had shown earlier, Bucky couldn’t find any. 

The soft blue eyes staring back at him had belonged to him all this time. 

"I…" whimpered Bucky, looked down at Steve's swollen red bottom lip, "I just wanted to talk."

"No you didn't." Steve told him. The statement wasn't accusatory. It was more of an observation. He licked his lips.

Bucky's eyes followed the motion.

"What do you really want, Buck?" Asked Steve, gently cupping his neck.

When Bucky took a deep breath, he exhaled pure defeat. He made this conversation happen. Time to open up.

"There are so many...I want...to crawl into bed with you when I come home and I see you asleep like an angel. Sometimes it looks so comforting and warm that I can't stand it. I want to hold you and be able to kiss you when you’re sad. I want to go with you as a date to parties and functions. I want to fight anyone that makes you cry.”

Steve’s eyes were twice their normal size as he listened to the man pour his heart out. Bucky really had been denying himself happiness for a while.

“I want your attention because when I get it, it feels like a reward. But Stevie, I...can’t break up another relationship.” Bucky said with a cracking voice.

The expression on Steve’s face immediately became grievous. 

Bucky noticed his change in demeanor and pulled him in for another immersive kiss. It was just to wipe the sadness away.

When they pulled apart, and he saw any and all emotion vanish from Steve, he told him “I don’t want to ruin what other people have for my own selfish reasons. I came here to run away from the last time I did that. I don’t want you to feel guilty either.”

Steve pouted, “I DON’T feel guilty right now. This finally feels right.”

He noticed his hands were in a more relaxed position around Steve’s neck. The bigger man’s hands were resting on Bucky’s hips.

“What about Tony?” insisted Bucky.

“Can’t you love two people at one time?” breathed Steve, almost sounding like he didn’t believe what was coming out of his own mouth.

“What?” laughed Bucky in shock.

Steve swept him into a bear hug and tipped him backwards until Bucky was lying back against the couch pillows. He hovered over the brunette man.

“I love you and I love Tony.” whispered Steve before enrapturing Bucky’s mouth with his.

“Fuck.” groaned Bucky with bleary eyes when they gasped for air. He cupped Steve’s face with his skin hand to look at him, “I...I don’t want to share you. I’m sure Tony doesn’t either.”

Staring at him with worried eyebrows, Steve kept calm and evenly said, “Have me to yourself right now then.”

“Steve," he gasped, "you're not even thinking clearly. You can't be sure of-”

“Yes I am.” whimpered Steve, kissing his cheeks then down the left side of his neck. “I swear I am.” he repeated in a low tone, “Buck...please.”

Something switched in Bucky’s face. He became more serious.

Sitting up to push Steve backward, he grabbed both his legs and slipped him onto his back. Looming over the bigger man, Bucky kissed up and down his neck, moaning at the taste of him.

Groans drifted out of Steve’s throat at the unexpected wave of excitement he felt. 

“Turn over.” whispered Bucky in his ear, “Let me take care of you.”

Steve seemed unsure as he looked up at him, “Turn...over?”

Bucky reached down to slip his finger tips in the waistband of Steve’s now tented boxer briefs. “Do you want to?” 

Sucking in a breath, Steve nodded. Bucky slowly turned him onto his stomach and slid down the underwear just enough to expose Steve’s muscular ass.

Bucky kissed his lower back and down around his cheeks, humming with each one.

Goosebumps started to spread all over the larger man’s skin while he hugged the couch pillow under him and closed his eyes.

“God, Stevie…” breathed Bucky, “you’re so fucking beautiful and soft.” 

There wasn’t a chance to give a response before Bucky used his hand to spread the cheeks in front of him and dive in with his tongue.

Steve screamed into his arm in surprise, later turning to moans with every stroke.  
This never happened to him. Tony would blow him sometimes but honestly had never committed to eating him out before. He said he would have to be celebrating a very special occasion.

Here was Bucky, just taking what he wanted here and now.

“Fuck yes.” the man hissed behind him, teasing Steve’s entrance with a fingertip. “Nice and tight just like I remember.”

A pleasant shudder rippled through Steve when he felt the soft tongue begin to lick him open as soon as he stopped talking. He forgot how much Bucky liked to talk dirty.

Slowly, he started to rock his hips into Bucky, lolling his head back and whining. That man’s mouth felt incredible. He felt drunk on it.

Feeling a little intoxicated himself, Bucky pulled back and smacked Steve’s left cheek rather hard. 

The response he received was a surprised squeak followed by a groan.

Nodding, Bucky smirked and stuck 2 fingers into him, starting to pump immediately.

“Huh!” sighed Steve.

“Feel okay?” asked Bucky, watching his fingers disappear into his best friend’s entrance. 

“Mhm.” he mumbled. 

Another hard slap landed on his right cheek, this time with the prosthetic hand. “Can’t hear you.” 

“Feels good.” moaned Steve.

“Good boy.” Bucky smirked, adding a finger and pumping deeper.

“Fuck!” the blonde man sighed.

Bucky pulled his fingers out and delved in with his mouth one more time, as deep as he could manage.

The sounds erupting from Steve were the loudest and most guttural of all. He slipped an arm back to hold Bucky’s head in place, to his surprise, Bucky allowed it. 

They moved together in a blissful rhythm.

When Bucky pulled back, he kissed up Steve’s spine. The arm Steve was using to hold the other man’s head dropped down and slipped his shirt off.

Bucky slipped down his own pants, “Can I fuck you, Stevie?”

“Please.” moaned Steve, tilted up his hips, putting his ass more on display.

“Shit…” Bucky groaned at the sight of his wet hole in the sunlight. “Condoms?”

“In my top dresser drawer.” he replied.

Bucky had never run so fast in his life. He was back in a flash and slipped on the condom.

“Please Buck…” moaned Steve.

“Hold on.” Bucky whispered, kissing his back and shoulder blades. He slowly slipped his lubed up cock inside.

Steve buried his face into the pillows to scream again. He was slightly shorter than Tony but definitely thicker. It burned in the best way.

Bucky spread his cheeks with both hands and began a deep rhythm. Steve cried out with each thrust against his ass.

“God...god damn…” moaned Bucky, sounding impressed with the feeling of being inside the dreamy man underneath him.

Almost blacking out, Steve became a muffled noisy mess as his prostate was struck with amazing accuracy continuously.

“Keep making noises for me.” whimpered Bucky in his ear, “I love to hear it.”

Never before had Bucky been so demanding with him. This was all so new yet familiar. (And incredibly hot.) 

Steve couldn’t believe this was all happening so fast but it felt like such a relief. 

Bucky quickened his pace, his groans growing louder against the back of the blonde’s neck.

“GOD fucking...damn, Buck...I can’t last if you do it like that.” he whimpered.

“Me…” Bucky’s breath caught when Steve clenched around him, “either.”

They groaned in unison when Bucky pushed in as deep as he could and held himself still.

The breath punched out of the bigger man when his friend resumed his punishing pace into him. Swiftly, they both climaxed at the same time, Steve catching his release with his own hand and Bucky in the condom.

As Bucky climbed off the couch and scurried into the bathroom down the hall, the post-nut clarity hit Steve pretty hard.

He stood up carefully, hand still around his soft dick, and went into the kitchen to find a towel to clean up and threw it immediately in the washing machine. Then he made his way back over to the couch to find his underwear and put them back on.

Did that really just happen? Of course it did. 

Bucky coming back into the living room naked verified that.

Steve stood by his area chair, watching his friend re-dress himself.

When Bucky’s pants were back on, he stopped and turned to Steve.

They stared at each other’s shirtless bodies for a minute, both trying to decide what to say. (As if saying anything would help at all.)

The feeling of Steve’s eyes producing more tears went unnoticed. He only realized he was crying when Bucky rushed over to him to knock the blanket onto the floor and sit the both of them on the couch. “Hey, wait...Stevie, it’s okay.”

`Steve sniffed and allowed himself to be gently pulled to lay on Bucky’s warm chest.

They hugged until Steve’s breathing went back to normal.

“You alright?” asked Bucky. His chin was propped on top of the blonde’s head and he rubbed his back gently.

“I...I guess.” murmured Steve.

“Steve, I asked you before-” 

“No, I’m not regretting it.” he interrupted, “I just...I feel bad for not feeling bad. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” sighed Bucky against his hair, hugging him tighter. “I know how that feels.”

The blonde man closed his eyes and hummed softly.

“You’re still a good person.” Bucky assured him. “You’re not a piece of shit like me.”

Steve tilted his head to make eye contact. He reached up with one hand and pulled the brunette into a few short kisses. “You’re not a bad guy, Buck. I wouldn’t love you if you were.”

The phrase being repeated to him yet again that afternoon had Bucky feeling dazed. He still couldn’t believe it was coming out of the other man’s mouth so effortlessly.

“I love YOU too.” said Bucky in a passionate tone. Steve was given a few more kisses before he laid his head back down on his pectoral pillow.

“Shit, you’re so addicting.” came the voice above Steve.

Steve mumbled, “That’s what you used to say.” 

“I mean it.”

A brief silence followed.

Bucky looked down at the drowsy giant man on top of him. “You’re not falling asleep on me, right?”

“No.” he replied in an adorably small voice.

“Are you tired?”

“Not really, just...content.” 

Bucky groaned softly and kissed the top of his head a few times. “Me too.”

“Can we stay like this for a minute?” 

“Long as you want, punk.” he replied.

Steve kissed his chest here and there before laying his head on the man once more. They sat there listening to the city outside for a few hours, just enjoying each other’s embrace.

As soon as Steve started to doze off, his phone started to ring loudly.

Bucky shuffled grumpily under him, since he himself started to fall asleep too.

The blonde got off of him and grabbed his phone off the coffee table to see that Tony was calling him. It was about lunch time on his usual work day.

“It’s Tony.” he said absentmindedly.

“Answer it.” said Bucky with his sleepy raspy voice.

“Right.” Steve said, snapping out of a trance and holding the phone to his ear, “Hey!” 

“Hey babe.” came Tony’s voice, “I had a little bit of time and wanted to hear your voice. How’s your day?”

“Oh, it’s fine. How’s the convention?” he asked, making eye contact with Bucky.

“It looks good so far. I just got here and did a walkthrough of the floor. I give my presentation tomorrow.” Tony told him casually. He could hear random people in the background echoing in undoubtedly a hallway.

“I’m sure you’re gonna do great, hun.” said Steve, “It’s what you’re best at.” 

“Thanks but I am still nervous. I will be speaking for about 2,000 people.”  
“Don’t worry about numbers. You can do anything.” encouraged Steve.

Tony chuckled, “Thanks baby. What’s going on at work today?”

Steve looked around his apartment, “Just...ya know, same shit.”

“Alright, well...maybe I’ll facetime you while I’m away this week. I would really like that.”

“Of course.” said Steve sweetly.

“Maybe get a little freaky.” Tony said with an obvious smirk in his voice.

He forced a laugh, “Yeah, we’ll see.”

“What?” Tony asked someone else in the background, “Yeah, alright. Babe, I got to go but I love you.”

“Love you.” responded Steve, locking eyes with Bucky once more.

They hung up and Bucky stood, taking his hand, “How about for the rest of the day, we don’t think too much about this and just...enjoy it?”

“What if I get hungry?” asked Steve playfully, putting his phone on silent and dropping it on the coffee table.

“We’ll order Postmates.” Bucky shrugged.

That got Steve to raise one eyebrow in intrigue. Bucky started to back up down the hallway, towing the other man with him.

Steve realized they were going into his own bedroom. The windows closed but the blinds were open against the sheer blue curtains, putting a frosty hue on the room.

It was just lit enough. Bucky toppled them both down onto the bed so that he could lay half on top of Steve’s broad chest. His leg swung over the blonde’s hip.

The two of them sighed softly at the same time, giggling right after then locking eyes and sharing a kiss that faded back into a tight embrace.

Eventually skipping breakfast caught up with them and they did have to get Chinese food delivered. Of course they ate in bed and put on some music then cuddled and fooled around for the rest of the day.

“I got to go to work soon.” Bucky mumbled, holding Steve on his chest while the bigger man lay between his legs.

Steve had just jerked both their cocks to climax with one of his large hands.

Bucky had made the wise decision of putting a towel nearby for the amount of times they were grabbing at each other.

Steve kissed Bucky’s pecs softly, “I guess so huh…”

“You gonna be okay alone with your thoughts?” asked Bucky, cocking his head.

“Sure.” snickered the blonde man bitterly.

“Steve, really. I know I just made things more complicated-”

“We.” Steve corrected, “WE did that. I will be alright. I’ll pack some stuff and keep myself busy.” He was pulled up into a kiss, their tongues encircling each other passionately.

Bucky groaned, “When I get home tonight, let me sleep here, in the bed with you.”

Steve agreed and hugged him tight until he was forced to let go. He watched Bucky get dressed and go to work.

While his friend was out bartending, Steve got some packing done and made some digital art on his tablet. He fell asleep in front of the TV again in the living room.

Bucky arriving after his shift woke him.

Steve turned off the TV and stretched, “How was your night?” he whispered. He was shirtless in pajama pants, his voice raspy.

The brunette man quickly took off his shoes and coat, “I did alright. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

A small smile washed over Steve’s face, “I just relaxed and drew a little. I’m okay.”

Bucky came over to join him on the couch and pushed back Steve’s hair, “I’m about to get cleaned up for bed.” He waited timidly after that statement to see if Steve still was okay with them sharing a bed.

“Okay me too.” yawned Steve.

They got up and brushed their teeth together. Bucky stripped to his boxer briefs and the two men cuddled up under Steve’s blankets.

“Goodnight.” came Bucky’s voice against the back of Steve’s neck, his arms encircling the blonde man’s waist.

“Night, Buck.” smiled Steve.

\---------------

The 2 days that followed, Steve and Bucky did everything together. They worked out with Sam, showered together, watched movies, packed boxes, and cooked meals. Steve even went to the bar with Bucky while he worked one night.

It was like they were secretly playing house and just eating it up while they could with no plan of how long it would go on.

Bucky admitted to Steve after the 3rd night of them sharing a bed that he’d never felt so rested in his life.

Ofcourse, making each other cum (sometimes twice) right before bed was helping.

The whole week Steve did keep in touch with Tony, but only through text messages. The businessman was far too preoccupied to even get to facetime his boyfriend once.

The morning Tony was coming home, he sent a text to Steve requesting he wait for him at his place.

Pleasantly agreeing, Steve announced to him that he was almost completely finished packing and soon he could officially change his address. He told him he had a day off so as not to rouse questions.

He still hadn’t told him about the situation with his job but he decided to mention it to Tony when he saw him. 

Steve got up to make breakfast since he didn’t have to go to Manhattan for another 4 hours.

When Bucky got up to the smell of toast, eggs, and bacon, he sauntered happily over to Steve at the stove to kiss his neck from behind. “Morning, punk.” he whispered. Both of them stood in their underwear.

“Hey.” Steve said with a chuckle that was fake.

There was an obvious stiffness to Steve’s shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” asked Bucky, moving to his right to make coffee.

“Nothing…Tony’s coming home this afternoon.”

Bucky didn’t look away from his hands washing out the coffee filter “Oh.” 

“Yeah, so I’ll probably be over there for the day. Spending the night most likely.”

“Kay.” came Bucky’s bitter voice as he dropped in the grounds and water to start the pot to brew. He walked quickly into the adjacent laundry room to put on pants from the dryer.

Steve glanced over to him as he plated some bacon for the two of them, “You alright?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” asked Bucky as if that was a stupid question. He slipped on a shirt of his with the name of a metal band across it.

Steve shook his head and grabbed the toast from the toaster to butter it “I just...you seem upset.” 

Bucky shrugged and leaned against the fridge on the other side of the kitchen, “I’m fine. Just waiting for my coffee.”

Steve grabbed the two plates to place them on the bar so they could sit there.

When he turned to face his friend, he noticed the hurt expression on Bucky’s face.

“Look,” sighed Steve, keeping his voice pleasant, “you knew he was going to come back. He is my boyfriend. We missed each other.”

“Yeah,” laughed Bucky bitterly, “of course I knew. This was fun while it lasted I guess.”

“Buck…” he huffed.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll pretend like it never happened. We’re both good at that...pretending.”

Steve lowered his brows in frustration.

Bucky’s expression stayed defiant with a hint of fake apathy.

The coffee pot dinged and Steve decided to grab some jeans for himself out of the laundry room.

The two of them sat down to breakfast at the bar.

After a while of uncomfortable silence, Steve said “I don’t want to pretend like it never happened.” He kept eating.  
Bucky looked over at him and shook his head, “What, you’re going to tell Tony?”

“No...I mean, I don’t want to stop-” Steve said, looking up at him, “this.”

Groaning, Bucky said “You remember me saying I won’t share you.”

“I know…” 

“This has been nice but I meant it. I’m not going to keep an affair going with you.”

Steve whimpered and tried not to cry, “It’s not an affair.”

“Yes it is!” laughed Bucky, continuing to eat his food again.

“Okay, technically it may be but-”

“No.” interrupted Bucky, dropping his fork on his empty plate, causing a loud clang. 

Steve flinched and looked at him with sad puppy eyes.

“There is not ‘but’,” said Bucky, “it’s over. It’s done. Right now.”

A single tear fell down Steve’s cheek as Bucky got up from the bar to clean his plate in the sink. He finished his food silently, watching Bucky go to the front door wordlessly and put on his shoes.

Bucky went to his bedroom to grab his coat and keys and such.

“Where are you going?” asked Steve.

Bucky paused at the front door and simply said “Out.” before slamming it behind him.

Steve finished his meal in silence, cleaned up, and got dressed. The whole time he cried silently. He didn’t want Bucky to be upset with him. He didn’t want what they had to be over. It felt too good, too necessary for the both of them.

He didn’t want to break Bucky’s heart but he felt like it was already in the process of happening.

He took a shower and got himself together.

Later, when Steve was about to leave, Bucky still wasn’t back.

He sent his friend a text while he was riding in the hired car, but he received no response. Bucky must just need some space right now.

Steve arrived at Tony’s place, let himself in, and went up to the living room to wait.

Tony arrived about half an hour later, Happy Hogan emerged out of the elevator first, holding Stark’s bags.

“Hi Steve.” he smiled, walking to the hallway to leave them outside Tony’s bedroom.

“Happy.” he nodded.

The elevator left then dinged again, this time his boyfriend emerged. He didn’t look pleased or excited and he was fiddling with his smartwatch. 

Tony looked pissed.

A shiver of fear ran through Steve. 

Did he somehow find out about Bucky? Wait, how would he have known?

Tony had told him his presentation when great, so it wasn’t that.

His expression changed from irritation to sympathy when he saw Steve. “Baby.” he breathed, sounding exasperated.

“What is it?” asked Steve, concerned.

Tony just hugged him tight and kissed at his cheek, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” said Steve, hugging him back.

They pulled back and said goodbye to Happy as left.

Tony sat them down on his massive sectional and sighed, “I got a very upsetting email earlier. Apparently I need to go into the Army headquarters for an interview pertaining to...a conflict of interest case?”

Oh.

Steve bit his lip, “I got an email too.”

Tony seemed surprised by that “When?”

“Okay, don’t be mad, but the day after you left. I’ve been put on leave until further notice.”

“Why didn’t you-”

“Tell you?” Steve interrupted, “You were at the conference, Tony. I didn’t want to distract you. I was planning to talk to you about it now. I didn’t think they would contact you yet.”

“We’re gonna fight this. I can get you the best lawyer in New York. They can’t do this just because we are in a relationship.”

“Bucky thinks there is a snake on the inside trying to get rid of me.”

“That is possible.” said Tony, sounding kind of high strung, “Do you have any idea who that might be? Anyone at all?”

“No. Look, don’t worry about it. They’ll question you, they’ll question me, then my superior and decide what to do. Most likely they will just find a new company to work with besides yours. I don’t want that to happen.”

“What if I find the snake before I even get questioned?”

“Don’t take this into your own hands, Tony. I was thinking about putting in my resignation.”

“Baby, don’t do that. I can fix this. Contracts are legally binding. They can’t just throw out the one with my company.” He held both of Steve’s hands in his. “We can fix this.” 

Steve shook his head, “I know, I just...don’t think I want to be in the Army anymore. Now I feel more unwanted than ever. I would rather do something I LIKE to do.”

Tony still seemed upset like he could be doing more. “I’m still going to get lawyers. I will not let you be wrongfully victimized.”

“Do whatever you feel like we need to. I just have thought about quitting the army for a while now.”

Tony kissed him passionately, “I’m so sorry this happened. Babe, if I would have known earlier-”

“You would have flown home early and missed your work at the conference. I’ve been keeping busy. I’m okay.”

“This must have devastated you. I should have been here.”

Steve shook his head, “You’re here now. Stoppit.” He kissed him a few more times to get him to calm down.

“I love you.” whimpered Tony, “I will do anything to keep you safe.”

“I know.” smiled Steve, hugging him, “I love you too.”

The sick feeling in his stomach made himself known as he remembered saying that to Bucky the night before.  
He had to make things right with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This aint over.
> 
> Tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 6: When You Reached Out to Take My Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a lot of texting going on for the next few chapters. Give this story time, is all I will say. Love you for reading this!

Steve sat shirtless in his and Tony’s bed while he listened to Tony shower. They had talked late into the evening about the convention until they fell asleep.

Truth be told, he tossed and turned all night, staring at Tony’s sleeping face in the glow of the hazy blue led light that was above their bed. Steve felt a little nauseous as he watched his boyfriend sleep, wondering if he even deserved the amazing person in bed with him. So trusting, so loving…what the hell had he done?

Steve could lie to himself but he knew why he gave in to Bucky. Other than their undeniable leftover feelings, Steve remembered that he would give it to him rough and dirty, something Tony was really hesitant to do.

He hated to admit to himself that he missed it.

Realizing that wasn’t a _good_ excuse, it was the only reason he could come up with for his unusual behavior.

Steve sent Bucky a text and asked if they could talk. He didn’t expect him to be awake, so his stomach muscles clenched at the sight of the three dots on his screen. Bucky replied with “I’m at home.” “Do you want me to head over?” Steve asked. “Up to you.” Bucky wrote.

Getting dressed, Steve told Bucky he would bring home coffee and bagels, trying to get on his good side. Bucky didn’t seem phased and only sent a simple “okay.”

Steve went into the humid bathroom to find his boyfriend drying off. “Hey.” he smiled. Tony looked him over, noticing he was wearing all his clothes including his coat and socks, “Going somewhere?” 

“Yeah...since you’re back, I was thinking I could get the truck back over to my place and move the rest of my stuff.” Steve told him since there was only a truck load left. The boxes he had brought over already were upstairs in Tony’s lab, waiting to be unpacked.

“You wanna do that RIGHT now?” frowned Tony, “I was gonna call a brunch spot for a rezzy. I thought we were spending the day together.”

“I just want to get it done. Bucky and I will pack up some last minute things, and I’ll be right back over.” shrugged Steve.

Wrapping his plush bathrobe around himself, Tony walked over to his boyfriend and kissed him sweetly, “Alright then...but then...you’ll be...officially all moved in?” He was smiling with an exaggerated surprised expression. 

Steve smirked and nodded, “Yeah that’s what that means. We can spend all the time in the world together.” “Like we’ll be officially living in the same place? Sounds like we need to celebrate,” said Tony in a sultry voice, “since we don’t have work tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve chuckled, “What’re you thinking?”

“Some cocktails, sushi...maybe invite some people over to eat it with us.” said Tony, putting his arms around Steve’s hips, “How’s that sound?”

“Sounds great, honey.” he smiled, kissing his cheek down to his neck, “Who were you thinking about inviting?”

“Rhodey and Carol. Maybe Happy and Sam too.”

“You got it. I’ll be back by the afternoon.” Steve assured him, sharing a few more lingering kisses.

“Gonna invite Bucky?” asked Tony.

“Nah, he’s got to work tonight.” he replied immediately, feeling his stomach quiver again before taking off in a hired car.

When Steve got the door of the apartment, he started to feel increasingly anxious. He tried to come up with something to say to Bucky preemptively, but his mind was blank. All he had to do was apologize for convincing (and begging) Bucky to hook up with him and then he could be moved out and give him some space. Then they could start to heal their friendship again...hopefully.

Making his way inside, Steve looked toward the balcony door to confirm he was right about Bucky smoking nervously in an oversized hoodie as he waited. The brunette man had his hair tied up in a half bun and was pacing back and forth. When he joined him outside, Bucky immediately stopped pacing and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

“Morning.” Steve nodded, putting down the bag of bagels and two coffees on the area table. He offered Bucky’s black coffee to him wordlessly and sat down. When Bucky grabbed it, he opened the top to blow on the hot liquid. 

Steve held his own coffee as he stared up at him. The sounds of the city were loud since it was a bustling Saturday morning. “Sleep okay?” asked Steve finally.  
Bucky snorted to himself as he leaned against the railing to sip his coffee and avoid eye contact.

They drank in silence. 

“How was work last night?” asked Steve, trying to start the conversation somehow.

“Got sent home early.” he murmured, staring into his beverage.

“Why?”

“We got slow and I was...distracted.”

That made Steve grit his teeth together. He’s causing him stress. “I’m sorry, Buck.” he breathed out.

“Why are YOU sorry? I did it to myself. I walked around all over the city before work to clear my head but then I was tired from my long walk so that didn’t help-” 

“No,” said Steve, looking up with worried brows, “I really am sorry for all of this...I shouldn’t have suggested it or encouraged it to go on for so long, any of it.”

Finally making eye contact, Bucky asked, “So you think I don’t blame myself or take partial responsibility? I feel like shit.” He let out a bitter laugh, “You know that, right?”

“I know, and that’s all my fault. Really-”

“Now you sound like Marco. We’re adults, Steve.” Bucky said, shaking his head, “We knew what we were doing. That’s why I asked you a few times how long we were going to keep it up. I told you I didn’t want to do this again and I did anyway. You think you can just be the martyr and then feel sorry for yourself?”

“Bucky!” said Steve, sounding grossed out by his words.

“I’m not trying to be mean, but I was honestly irritated with the fact that you were trying to get me to continue being your side piece.”

Steve slammed down his half empty coffee, “That’s NOT how I think of you and you know it.”

Bucky shook his head and put his own coffee on the table. He dragged his cigarette, “I know, but that shit isn’t cool with me. I told you it wasn’t. You seemed to forget.”

Steve’s eyes glossed over, “I am sorry for that as well Buck...I love you, I don’t want us to drift apart again."

Bucky scoffed and shook his head, "That’s exactly why we SHOULD drift apart right now, because we love each other."

Immediately Steve's eyebrows dropped in confusion, "No, Buck-"

"This is not up for debate. You and I should give each other space. We can't be trusted together anymore.” said Bucky sternly.

Steve looked away, trying not to cry.

Snubbing his cigarette out, Bucky backed up and put both hands on the balcony rail behind him. He kept his eyes down at the pavement as he said “I don’t even know if we can be friends right now.”

“Don’t even say that.” whimpered Steve, feeling his heart drop.

“I don’t want you getting derailed with me while we ‘try to hang out like normal’, Steve.” Bucky said, sounding hurt and getting Steve to look at him again, “This shit isn’t normal. We re-opened something that can’t be closed again.” He continued, “Your boyfriend just got back from a week long trip and you’re here with me right now.” Bucky finally met his gaze, “This...conversation could have waited. You’re already prioritizing me over him.”

“That’s not it at all!” protested Steve, holding his coffee so he had something for his hands to do. “I only have one more load of boxes and I wanted to get them over to the penthouse. I also barely slept thinking about this whole...situation and how I feel bad that it felt good.”

Bucky scoffed, “Well I guess I can have my breakfast and go so you can finish moving.” It seemed as if he was fighting off his own tears trying to well up and it was making him mad. He grabbed a bag with a bagel sandwich in it.

“Stay. Stop running.” pleaded Steve.

Bucky sat in the chair farthest away from him and began to eat. Steve took the opportunity to do so as well. They ate in silence, calming them down for the moment by doing something innocent and normal.

When he was finished, Bucky crumpled up the paper bag and grabbed his coffee. The brunette man already had his shoes on and he was heading to the door, “Just lock up when you leave.”

Steve jumped up and got in his way, “Why are like this?! Why is your first instinct to flee, huh?” He was fully crying. It felt like Bucky was trying to get them broken up as friends as soon as possible so he could get the “hurting” over with. 

Bucky was being rude and almost unapologetic so that Steve would be offended instead of seeing any of his desire reciprocated. It was a typical thing Bucky did to needy people he fucked in High School and College/The Military. Be a dick so they leave you alone.

It was unacceptable for him to be doing it to Steve, again! He wanted to take the blame, take it all away from Bucky so he wouldn’t have to live with it too. Bucky tried to tell him before, things just don’t work that way. He can’t look at Steve as he hears him crying.

“I’m bad news, Steve. I’m fucked up. I burn everything I touch.” Bucky says evenly.

“That’s not true.” sniffs Steve, “I’m the fucked up one. I’m never satisfied and I’m selfish. I just care about you. I hate myself for doing this to you and Tony.”

“I’m burning everything right NOW! You can’t disagree! I’m fucking doing it.” says Bucky, trying to sound stern.

Steve pulls his face to look at him and starts to move them both into an embrace.

Almost giving in, Bucky abruptly pulls back and sets his half empty coffee on the end table. “Alright, stop. Just let me go.”

Steve’s back is touching the door that leads inside, “I can’t even hug you?”  
“For what? Why do you need to do that?” asked Bucky, annoyed, shoving both hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. “To comfort me? We fucked up because we were BOTH being selfish. Neither of us deserve to be supported or coddled.”

More tears fell down Steve’s face silently as he listened.

“We betrayed the trust of a man that I respect very much that has been very good to me. To both of us. He even makes an effort to be my friend.”

“I’m aware of that.” says Steve in a teary voice.

“Then let me go.” sighs Bucky, looking right into his friend’s face and looking like his walls were breaking down. He looked tired, like he didn’t know how much fight he had left in him.

“I came here to talk things out with you.” Steve insisted.

“Want to talk it out?!” Bucky’s voice raised, “Fine! Here’s how things are going to go...I’m going to go ANYWHERE else right now so you can get your stuff out of here. Then, you will give me space and keep communication to a minimum via phone only. I will work, I will pay Tony back with interest, and I will find another place that I paid for MYSELF.”

There is a tense silent few minutes where the air is heavy between them.

Slowly, Steve moves off the door and stands aside. He doesn’t know what else to do. “I understand. I’ll leave you alone for as long as you want. Just...hug me before you go.”

Bucky opens the door, says he’s sorry and heads inside. Steve follows him, sobbing “Buck, please. Why are you doing this?”

The brunette man grabs his wallet and heavy jacket, gives him one last hurt look, and leaves out the front door. Steve backs away, dropping onto the couch and sobbing into his hands.

A few minutes later, Bucky re-emerges. Steve looked up with a puffy, red face.

It breaks Bucky’s heart. “Fuck,” he whispered, “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want you to feel worse. I just...don’t know how else to get my point across. You make me weak.”

Steve just looks away and continues to sob silently.

“Come hug me. I should have just said yes. Come on.” said Bucky.  
“Just get out.” he huffs in response.  
“Steve, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m wrong, here. Come hug me.”  
“Go.” whimpers Steve.  
Bucky holds his arms open, “Stop.”  
“Get the fuck out!” yells Steve.

Slowly, Bucky drops his arms and steps out the front door once again.

Steve let himself lose his mind for a few more minutes, went to the bathroom to wash his face, gathered his boxes into the living room, and called the movers.

His redness finally started to clear up on his face but his eyes were a little puffy. He held an icy glass of water up to his face to attempt to not be so obviously upset when he got back to Tony.

They loaded the truck and Steve followed behind in his hired car.

He came back to his new place and was met with Tony handing him a flute of champagne and wearing a bright smile. “Hey there.” Tony said before kissing him. 

Steve put on a brave face and smiled back at him, “Hey, yourself. Did you ask everybody to come over?”

“Yep, they will be over around 5. I already got a food delivery put in.”

“Look at you.” smirked Steve. The men came in holding boxes and unloaded them into the office. When they left, the two men had some down time.

Of course Tony wanted to do something dirty, but Steve asked him to settle for listening to soft jazz on the couch by the fireplace and cuddling. Steve had Tony’s back against his chest so he didn’t have to see his sad, vacant expression as the events from earlier stayed in the front of his mind.

They talked more about Tony’s trip until the food came, followed by their friends. It was a nice little gathering. Everyone left full of food and alcohol.

Steve kept up appearances through the evening, but as soon as his friends were gone he locked himself in the master bath to cry. He stared at his phone, at pictures of him and Bucky, at their past text messages.  
Eventually Tony had come in the bedroom and heard him sniffing. There was a soft knock at the door. “Hey babe? You alright?” Steve cleared his throat, “Yeah, just feeling too deep in my thoughts.” He washed his face, brushed his teeth, and stripped off his shirt so he was only in his pajama pants. They both got in bed together and Tony pulled Steve to lay his face on his chest. 

“Feeling antsy about this whole investigation thing?” he asked Steve softly. Steve sighed, “Yeah…”

“It’ll be okay, baby. I’ll make sure of it.” said Tony, kissing his forehead, “You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’m here to help.” He held his boyfriend until the blonde fell fast asleep.

Tony awoke in the middle of the night because he was chilly. He noticed a certain giant soldier was missing from his arms and the bed entirely. When Tony sat up to peer in the bathroom, it was dark and quiet, leaving him to wander barefoot through the penthouse. He saw a light coming from up the stairs in the home office/gym and went up to join him. 

Steve was listening to a sad Sia song from his headphones that were so loud it could be heard from a small distance. He was leaning against a wall next to a tower of his moving boxes, staring down at an old photo album in his hands.

Tony cleared his throat to get his attention, making the blonde shut the album suddenly and take off his earbuds.

“Didn’t want to startle you.” pouted Tony.

“No, no. I’m sorry I snuck out of bed. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” Steve told him, putting the album into an open box next to him. He turned his music off on his phone.

“It’s okay, baby. Do you want to talk about it? Would that help?”

“I don’t know...I’m just a little unsure of the future at the moment.” pouted Steve.

Tony squatted down next to him, wearing his wife beater and boxers. “I know how it feels but like I said, I’m here.”

Steve shrugged sadly, “I will stop receiving my leave pay they’ve been giving me at the end of the month. I guess I need to start setting up interviews and getting that whole process started.”

“You don’t know that you need to do that.” said Tony, “Maybe you should take a little more time to yourself before you jump into something new. Who knows, they might even say you can keep your job.”

Steve shook his head and then started to cry again. He couldn’t be left at home being sad over Bucky and losing what he worked for. 

“Baby, c’mere.” sighed Tony sadly, hugging him and rubbing his back, “I understand how this feels like a betrayal. You gave yourself to them and they were supposed to almost treat you like a family, huh? This is fucked up.”

“No, it’s not just that.” said Steve, “I’ve just felt this...depression and I can’t make it go away. I feel like I can’t sleep and I can’t focus right now.”  
“D’you think you should go back to group with Sam?” Tony asked.

Steve shrugged, “Maybe.”

“What about your own therapist? I know a ton here in the city. I could even take care of the appointments for you. How’s that sound?”

Steve pulled out the embrace to stare at him lovingly, “Tony, that’s sweet but I couldn’t ask you to take care of everything plus therapy.”

“Baby, what did I say earlier? I don’t want you to worry about anything.” 

Steve gave him a soft kiss and thanked him. “Of course, sweetness.” smiled Tony, “C’mon, let’s get in bed and drink some sleepytime tea while we look over some therapist listings. How’s that sound?” He agreed and followed the shorter man downstairs.

While they were half-watching a show and saving different therapists’ websites, Tony kept staring at the sadness still very prominent in Steve’s eyes. “Other than fronting the bill, is there anything else I can do?” he asked.

Steve tilted his head over to lean on Tony’s shoulder, “No...I just need some time to get my emotions in check and let my counseling work. This is more than thoughtful of you.”

Tony put his arm around him to cuddle Steve a little, “I love you. I want my baby taken care of.” “I love you too.” said Steve, smiling when he got a kiss placed on his own cheek. “I appreciate that. You know I just don’t like to impose. I...I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes you do.” mumbled Tony, cradling his boyfriend and placing kisses in his hair. “Hey, I’ll tell you what, why don’t we go on a date to the movies tomorrow night? We haven’t in so long and you love that.”

“Sure.” said Steve happily, “Sounds nice.”

***Almost two weeks later***

Bucky had just set up his Xbox in the living room of his place.

He kept Steve’s bed, but ran to Bed Bath and Beyond to get all new bedding. He made sure to immerse himself in video games, work, and socializing with his sister (sometimes his dad) and his coworkers.  
Scott, Bucky’s bartender friend, came over from time to time to watch football games. He had partial custody over his daughter and he was an ex-con therefore Scott never went out anywhere crowded anymore. (Leftover claustrophobia from prison.) The two men both welcomed the distraction once a week. 

Natasha began hanging out with him more and more as well.

They had a lot in common including their taste in video games and horror movies. Natasha was just as active as Bucky, making her insist that he get a membership at her gym so they could work out together. 

Bucky had been doing well most days when he had something to occupy his time. Every time he slowed down, he felt lonely and lost. There was a smidge of guilt in the back of his mind for being so rude to Steve in his texts. He would always find himself thinking about Steve all day every time he received one.

It was especially hard when Natasha would mention his best friend. Bucky had to make it seem like Steve had just gotten too occupied with Tony to hang out as much as they used to and he was okay with it. He was preoccupied too.

The truth was Steve had been sending him a message every other day asking to check on him. Bucky still only ever replied with one curt sentence. He knew Steve would keep sending messages because he was trying to start an honest conversation, but Bucky just couldn’t let that happen.

It was good that Steve did acknowledge that his friend was intentionally being short with him and that was okay if it was helpful to setting new boundaries between them. However, Steve eventually let him know that he decided to go to therapy for their situation because he could barely sleep anymore.

Bucky responded via text “That’s good. It would feel better to talk to someone else. I’m glad.”

“I just don’t want to drop the ball with either of you, ya know?” Steve writes.

Bucky dropped the phone on the coffee table to decide how to respond. He wants to make sure Steve isn’t delusional but doesn’t want him to feel like he is being berated. There was still a need to be bluntly honest. 

“Honestly if you were ever torn in half like that,” Bucky typed, “I would just leave.” He hit send and had to tell himself to breathe.

The three dots immediately started popping up on the screen. 

“Is that hypothetical?” asked Steve, “Where would you go?”

“Not sure.” Bucky responded, “I just would never give you the option, no matter how I felt about it. Does that make sense?”

“It does. It just makes me sad.”

“You know I don’t want to do any of this shit. I just will do whatever we need to.”

A few minutes passed without a reply. Bucky chewed his lip as he waited.

“Would you really leave? Even further than where you moved last time?” It hurt Bucky’s heart because he could almost read it in Steve’s sad tone.

“I don’t know for sure.” Bucky wrote, “You’re essentially still saying you are torn between Tony and I. That’s not good.”

“In a way, I guess.”

“You wouldn’t leave him. Not for me, right?”

Steve’s reply came quickly, “I don’t know. That’s what’s fucking me up.”

“Don’t ever do that, Steve. Please. I don’t want that thought to even enter your mind.”

“Yeah, you’ve made that perfectly clear.”

“You know I care about you. We’ve been friends forever, that’s not for no reason.” typed Bucky, “I know I shouldn’t have confessed my feelings when I did. I know I should have said something a long time ago. However, you can’t put me somewhere I don’t belong.” He hated the feeling of tears stinging his eyes.

Bucky had been crying every night lately. He had been wanting a drink so bad, it was necessary for him to attend some AA meetings. Not once did he share about himself. He just wanted SOME way to get out the pent up sadness and frustration.

Bucky just wanted to drink until he felt numb and finally without dreams of Steve.

The next message that came in simply asked “Can I call you?”

An emotional conversation turned into a full blown argument very quickly. Steve insinuated that he couldn’t be Bucky’s friend anymore now things were different, more different than they ever had been. Bucky insinuated that he would never speak to Steve again for saying that and it was fucked up. He told Steve that their discussion was over before they could say anything to make it worse.

Bucky said he would silence his contact for a little while because they both needed a longer break from each other.

He still noticed an apology text from Steve the next morning.

As soon as he saw that, he made a reminder to go to the next nearest meeting. 

Bucky rolled out of bed and started to stretch when he heard a text come through. It made noise, so it couldn’t be from he-who-must-not-be-thought-about.

When he grabbed his phone to read it, Bucky almost dropped it. 

There was a message from Marco that read “Hey, you’re in Brooklyn?”

\------------------------------------------------------

Steve keeps unpacking and re-decorating over the next few days to keep himself busy. He goes to his first two sessions with his therapist to get to know him.

He also meets with Sam every morning once again even though he lives over 40 minutes away from their football field.

Sam encouraged him to come back to the group therapy as well as his current counseling. Steve assured him it would be too much for him to do all that. It was already hard for Steve to focus on anything but he and Bucky’s drama. Bringing up old experiences in Pakistan was just going to make it harder for him.

Steve does make plans with Sam to come over to his new place more often so that they could do something other than jog together. Natasha had told Steve she wanted to come to his new place as well. They no longer saw each other every day and she needed to update him on all the new work gossip.

She came over one evening after her shift in her camo outfit.

Tony was at his office to take care of some things.

Steve was organizing the home office while they chatted. Natasha was sitting at his desk chair and swaying around when she realized his playlist of songs currently playing on his computer were all sad Sia songs.

“If everything has been going well,” Natasha says, watching him stack books on a shelf, “why are you so upset?”

“I’m not.” chuckled Steve, still facing the task at hand.

“Why all the Sia? That’s all you listen to when you’re sad.”

“I just...am fucked up about this work stuff. That’s all.” he sighed.

“Bullshit.” she says flatly.

Steve gave her a dirty look and announced he is now moving on to the walk-in closet if she wants to follow him. They both go to the bedroom and she sits on the floor while he starts to organize his clothes that were sitting in a pile on a bench.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Natasha asks.

Steve pauses and gives her a look again, “Why do you think I’m lying?”

“I believe that you are upset about this bullshit investigation. We all are at the office, by the way. But that’s not what’s making you depressed, I know it’s not.”

“I have to find a new job!” Steve said, “I don’t want to rely on Tony taking care of me forever and I have no idea what I am good at other than being in the Army.”

“Again, all valid concerns.” said Natasha, “But if Tony is helping you, then it seems like you can take your time finding a job. Also, he can probably help you get good legal representation if you need it.”

“Okay, so I am a little sadder than I’m used to right now, okay? I’ll get over it. I had to go to therapy for it.”

Natasha pouts and stands up, “Oh, it’s that serious?”

“Yes.” he huffed, putting his hands on his hips. “I am...talking it out.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t know. That was rude of me, I...thought I was talking with you enough and checking in.” She put her hand on his shoulder.

“I didn’t want to advertise it.” He said, staring down at the pile of shirts in front of him.

She nodded and started to wander around the closet to ogle Tony’s nice things. “Has therapy been helping you though?”

“Yeah, definitely seems to be already.” said Steve, beginning to fold his clothes.

“That’s good.” she said.

“What about you? What’ve you been up to?” he asked.

“Been here and there.” Natasha shrugged, turning to him, “Tinder cruising...hanging out with Wanda. Been going to Bucky’s bar to hang out sometimes.”

There was an obvious change in Steve’s demeanour.

She noticed, starting to read him a little better. That was her job, after all, to notice things. “Last time we hung out, he said you and him haven’t seen each other since you moved out. Are you partly sad because you had to leave Bucky all alone?”

Steve flushed and turned to her, looking weak and scared almost.

“What, Steve? What’s wrong? Do you miss him? Bucky seems like he misses you and like he’s almost...offended when I mention you. It’s like he’s jealous I can talk to you, as if he can’t.”

Biting his lip, Steve looked away as he felt distant tears coming. Tony would probably be home at least in the next hour. He couldn’t break down again. It just started to seem like Steve was making progress.

“What happened between you? Are you two fighting?” asked Natasha, searching his watering eyes.

“I don’t know...sort of.” he groaned, his tears begrudgingly falling down his cheeks.

Natasha stepped closer to hold his hand, “Not gonna give me details?”

“We just...have a long, complicated History.”

“You mean going to war history or sleeping together?” asked Natasha.

Steve looked like he was going to be sick. “What?”

“I figured it had to be that. Do you want to talk about it? You know you can trust me.” she said, rubbing his back.

“He didn’t tell you?” asked Steve.

“No. I promise.” she said, looking concerned.

He wiped his tears then explained the whole situation to her from the very beginning. 

They both sat down on the floor together. “You know,” she said, “I have been hanging out with Bucky from time to time but I promise my intentions are friendly.”

Steve smiled softly at her, “I know. It doesn’t matter anyway. You can do what you want.”

“Wanda and I were going to invite you to a concert we got tickets for. I kind of invited Bucky already.” she grimaced.

“I won’t go. It’s alright.” he assured her.

Natasha gave him a hug and suggested maybe he tell Tony about it.

“That’s the plan. Therapy is supposed to help me work my way to that point.” When he said that, his face went from sad to worse.

Clearing her throat, Natasha said, “Hey, why don’t we start going back to karaoke on Wednesdays? Just you, me and Wanda. Like old times.”

Steve’s face softened, “That sounds...nice actually. I miss that.”

“That’d be awesome. Wanda will be excited.”

“I was thinking, ya know,” Steve said, “I should try to go for a job where I could maybe use my artistic skills.”

“Yeah? Like Painting and Pinot or something?” laughed Natasha.

“Actually, I never thought of that. Sounds fun!” He immediately pulled out his phone and began applying to every location in the city.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Tony was getting ready to leave the office when he got a call on his cell from the Army. It was a representative saying that even though they needed to meet up and speak about it in person, unofficially, they wanted to honor his contract.

Pepper was walking with him through the long lobby to his car out front.

“Oh really?” he huffed into the phone.

Pepper was giving him a look, telling him without words to not fuck this up. It was business, but Tony didn’t care. He would stand up to the U.S. fucking Army.

“I think if I keep my contract, Rogers keeps his job.” Tony said to the Army officer.

“Rogers has already confirmed his resignation.” the man told him.

“Well, as you may understand, I am hesitant to continue this business arrangement while my boyfriend was forced to quit.”

“Officer Rogers will recieve a hefty severance payment by the end of next month.”

“He will.” Tony said, surprised.

“Yes. We look forward to meeting with you soon, Mr. Stark.” The man hung up.

Tony got in the car with Pepper and Happy started to drive them to her place to drop her off. He was feeling pretty gross about taking money from people who fucked his man over and gave him such bad personal issues that he needed to seek therapy. 

As Pepper was getting out of the car, Tony realized he needed to talk to Steve about this and warn him about what he was thinking about doing. He hoped Steve didn’t get upset with him and alternatively considered telling them to go fuck themselves.


	7. Chapter 7: This is What You've Waited For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of chapter 7 says it all. Lemme know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Also: try to remember that I am a real person. Remember to look through the tags before you start reading. If this fic makes you upset, it wasn't meant to. Hate/threatening comments toward me as a person over a FICTIONAL story about people that do not exist are not welcome and will be filtered out. 
> 
> That being said,  
> I love and appreciate any readers if they want to give their opinion. Just relax, it's all fictitious.   
> Thank you! Much love!

After Steve had spent the next few weeks doing a great job at NOT coming clean to Tony, but also doing some self reflection and soul searching, (mainly with his therapist) he’d noticed sometimes he would get pains in his chest. 

He thought it was something he ate at first, but then they became more intense and frequent.

Visiting a medical doctor confirmed that Steve had developed more vigorous panic attacks from stress. The doctor had to prescribe him stronger anti-anxiety medication (Steve was supposed to take them more frequently) and he had to start doing yoga and meditating as a recommendation from Sam. Sam even starts to come over to help him, like his own personal yoga instructor.

Ultimately, he started to accept that his secret shame was eating him up on the inside. It had been almost a month of no communication with Bucky. Tony would ask why he wasn’t hanging out with him anymore and Steve said he was working too much but would admit that he missed his best friend. Having him back in his life was so nice until he took it too far. 

Steve had given up on texting Bucky since he would always be short with him and be quick to hostility.

The good news was, he had gotten the job at Painting and Pinot with a schedule of 4 evenings a week. It was shitty part-time pay but he was kind of living his dream as an art teacher and he would get tipped by drunk ladies from time to time. They would comment on how he was so handsome and slip him cash to “buy himself something nice”.

Other than working and taking care of the penthouse, Steve would spend quiet nights at home with Tony. He would rub the older man’s shoulders every afternoon when he came home from the office. Sometimes he would pour him a drink. Tony would vent about whatever was frustrating him and Steve would just listen and be attentive and affectionate before he went to his short class. 

When he would come home from his shifts, Steve would usually find a hot meal waiting for him. He’d done most of the grocery shopping and would give Tony the recipes he found. They would always be cooked to perfection.  
Some nights they’d make love, some they’d watch TV, go out to dinner or an art gallery, or dance together to an old record in the living room. Occasionally on Tony’s lunch breaks, the men would meet up at a restaurant or the park . It was imperative to Steve that he did whatever Tony wanted, letting him call the shots and keep him happy.

Steve’s therapist had been trying to work on a plan of action with him to break the news to his boyfriend. Dr. Banner had told him that what he was currently doing would seem as if he’d been buttering Tony up this whole time. Steve didn’t see it that way, he just wanted his boyfriend to see that he was putting in effort in their relationship.

Paying more attention to Tony made Steve almost fall in love with him all over again. It was refreshing for Steve to take care of _him_ for once. The mean little pains in his chest would never let the loving bubbly feelings last long. It was always there, lurking. 

Just as Steve had promised Natasha, every Wednesday he would join them for karaoke at their favorite bar. They usually had fun but by the end of the night, Steve is usually shitfaced and stumbling. Natasha knows it’s because he is sad-drinking, not happy-drinking. Thankfully Tony is usually asleep when his boyfriend gets home via uber from the bar. He’d never been seen stumbling sloppily around the house.

One night that changed when he arrived at home much later and much more drunk than usual. Natasha had to actually go with him to usher him inside and up the elevator. They got to his front door that opened to the few steps up to the living room. She propped his much larger body against the wall while fumbling with Steve’s keys.

“I miss him, Nat.” whimpered Steve, obviously referring to Bucky. “It’s been over a month now since I heard from him or seen him.” He started to cry a little.

Natasha sighed and opened the door. She ushered him through the door and sat him down on the bottom step. “I know you miss him, sweetness.” she said, sitting next to him.

“I…I wanna...I-” Steve was trying to stop his sobs and it started a chain reaction of hiccups. 

“Slow down.” cooed Natasha, rubbing his muscular back.

Steve took a deep breath and wiped his tears while staring at the front door, “I wanna tell Tony. I need to.” He had a drunken mumble to his voice and most of his words were slurred together.

Nodding, Natasha told him “I agree, Steve. Got to let it off your chest.”

“How’s Buck doing?” murmured Steve, “He seems happy a’least?”

“You’ve already asked me that tonight. He’s fine, showing signs of socializing more and it seems to be good for him. He’s even been talking to his family more.”

Steve nods and tries to climb the steps but fails and falls back down to his butt. Natasha shushes him and steadies his body, “Just wait until you’re not dizzy. You’re going to be here a minute.”

“I just...want him to at least talk to me. Can you tell’im that for me?” he slurred.

“I can. I won’t tell him I know anything.”

More tears appeared on Steve’s cheeks as he nodded. 

She hugged him and kept rubbing circles on Steve’s back. “Sweetie, I love you.” says Natasha sweetly.  
“I love you too.” he sniffs.  
“I’m just really tired. It’s 4AM and I got to clock in around 6 hours from now.” 

Steve pulled back, “You gotta go?”

“Yes, but it’s good you want to tell Tony. That’s great, just don’t do it tonight.”

“You think Imma idiot?” Steve slurred.

“No, just very drunk.” she smiled, “Also, wouldn’t want to wake up Tony right now with noise, do we?”

Steve pouted up at her and shook his head. “Alright,” she said, standing up, “let’s get you up these steps. Do you think you can take ‘em one at a time?” 

The two of them fumbled and Steve basically leaned with both hands on Natasha’s shoulders while she braced herself on the hand rails and they reached the living room.

Steve thanked Natasha and she left but as soon as the front door shut, he had to hastily rush to the master bathroom to vomit. There was a ton of commotion as he stumbled through the bedroom, waking up his man in the process.

Tony heard the muffled retching noises and sauntered in to make sure Steve was alright. Steve was shaking as he hovered over the toilet on his knees. His back was spasming as he held back gags. 

"Need some water, babe?" Asked Tony.

Steve managed to say yes as he coughed. The reality of the situation was that he had put away an entire bottle of champagne since he ordered bellinis all night, plus 6 whiskey shots. He probably wouldn't be leaving the bed the next day. 

Tony re-emerges with bottled water and gets down to sit on the rug next to his boyfriend. He rubbed Steve's back slowly as he drank it. "Small sips, baby."

Steve managed to lean all the way back against the wall of the shower. The glass was nice and cold on his neck. 

"Did you drink something strange tonight?" Tony asked sweetly. 

"Maybe." rasped Steve. 

"Aw, that's okay. I'll take care of you."

Steve whimpered and looked up at him. He was starting to sober up a little and contemplated going against Natasha's suggestion. He tries to say he has something to tell Tony, but the words came out as slurred nonsense.

“What’s that, baby?” Tony cocked his head.

“Chellya later.” Steve mumbled.

“Drink your water and I’ll get you ready for bed.” said Tony.

After Steve straightened himself out, he brushed his teeth and Tony undressed him. They got into bed and Steve passed right out.

The next morning, Steve immediately called into work saying he hadn’t been this sick in a long time, which was true. He had to puke a few more times after he hung up. Tony gave him fluids and made them both bacon egg sandwiches that they ate in bed. 

Most of the day, Steve was watching his show on Netflix while Tony sat with him, messing around on his tablet. By the afternoon, Steve was complaining of a hurt stomach again.

“Why’d you go so hard last night?” Tony asked playfully.

“Must have been caught up in the moment. Me and the girls were having too much fun, I guess.” 

“Want me to order fried chicken from Blue Ribbon?” pouted Tony.

Steve pouted back and whined that yes he did.

“You got it, baby Steve.” he said in a ridiculous baby talk voice.

Steve scooted closer to him in bed and put his head on the man’s shoulder, “Thank you for taking care of me and feeding me so I don’t die.”

“Of course, darling.” Tony smiled, looking up from his tablet to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. “I was thinking of playing hooky today anyway. You know I’ll always take care of you.”

They start making out and Steve even pulls the tablet out of Tony’s hands to straddle him and kiss him even more fiercely.

Tony managed to pause and ask “So, you don’t want the chicken anymore? You’re about to go to the point of no return here.”

Steve chuckled lightly and pecked his lips a few times, “No, I still do.”

“With these thick thighs I’m trapped under...I don’t know, I think I’ll need a few minutes.”

“Alright, alright.” smirked Steve, dismounting him. Tony pouted and resisted a little, making them both laugh.

After they had their food delivered and ate it, the two men settled back into their relaxing activities. Steve started a trashy reality show but wasn’t really paying attention. He felt the arm around him, the man attached to it mindlessly stroking his hand back and forth on his shoulder. 

Steve heard the words going through his mind once again. “Tell him. You don’t deserve all this if you aren’t honest.”

Tony’s face was calm and content. When he realized Steve was staring, he looked over at him amused “What?”  
Steve’s chest clenched. His stomach hurt. He mentally said goodbye to that loving expression Tony was giving him.  
There was no way of knowing how long it would be until he saw it again.

“Tony…” Steve said shyly, “I’ve...got to tell you something.”

\--------------------------

Bucky is at home on his day off, cleaning the apartment and hanging black out curtains. A text comes through on his phone from Marco that says “I’m close by. Be there soon!”

Nervously, Bucky brushes his shoulder length hair again and adjusts his prosthetic in the mirror a thousand times. Marco calls on the box, Bucky buzzes him in and he takes a deep breath before opening the door. 

This was the first time they had seen each other since the months before (when Marco’s uncle was punching his face).

“Hey.” Marco says, laughing awkwardly. He brushes back his dark bangs. He’d shaved his hair into an almost mohawk and you could see more of his tan skin on his neck. There had to be so much product in his semi short locks holding them in place. He was dressed up with a clean shave, wearing a nice blue button down shirt with a vest, tie, and jeans. Marco’s sleeves were rolled, making his arms look bigger and stronger.

Bucky couldn’t help but check him out rather obviously. “Hey. Uh...come in.”

Marco steps inside and makes sounds of approval as looks around and compliments his nice new place.

“It was all pure luck how I got it.” said Bucky, following him to the couch in the living room. They sat on opposite sides of the large sofa, smirking and laughing a little at the tension that seemed to be there.

“You look really nice.” said Bucky.

“Thank you. I am here for a job interview, actually. It’s a design company.” 

When Marco had originally sent him a message, he found out Bucky was in Brooklyn because Wanda and Natasha had tagged him at different restaurants in the area on Facebook. Bucky had to tell them to stop doing that and take down the tags already in place.

“Why do you need a new job?” asked Bucky.

“I sold the bar. I enjoyed doing freelance graphic design at home but I needed something bigger. There are tons of opportunities out there and I need to use my degree.” Marco said.

“That’s great.” Bucky nodded.

“What about you?”

“Bartender again.” he laughed, “I work at a nice place though.”

“That’s nice.” Marco nodded in encouragement, “Have you been seeing anyone?”

“Not really.”

“No prospects?”

“Haven’t been ready to see anyone seriously.” Bucky told him honestly, “Just been focusing on making friends, plus I need to work on myself first.”

Marco looked around the living room and noticed Bucky’s own personal touches here and there.

Bucky cleared his throat to get his attention and asked, “So, is uh...does Madison know you are here?”

Marco snickered and shook his head, “Hell no.”

He nodded and stared down at his lap. 

“I don’t think anyone cares much about what I'm doing. The family kind of...disowned me after that night.”

Bucky’s head shot up in surprise, “What? Everyone?”

Sighing, Marco told him “Yeah, after I basically had to kick my uncle’s ass to keep him from running after you, I had betrayed just about everyone in my immediate family. Mads is a bitch though, James. She immediately ran to Mom and Dad to throw me under the bus and the only reason she was with you was to eventually get married and make you take care of her. There was never anything real there.”

“How do you know that?” said Bucky softly.

“I know. I used to hear her talking to her friends all the time about it. My family has never been good to me. I’ve been planning my escape for a while, luckily.”

“I’m still sorry...for a lot of things, but especially if I caused your family to disown you.” Bucky told him. They held eye contact firmly.

“Don’t be sorry, gorgeous.” Marco smiled, “You set me free.”

His comment sat Bucky’s face on fire. He had to look away, “I’m glad you are finally doing it, the graphic design thing. You were always good at it.”

“You’re the only one that noticed.” said Marco, getting his eyes back up to meet his, “I’ve missed you.”

That made Bucky feel a mix of emotions. Should he make it clear that he doesn’t want to restart what they had? Should he not say anything and try to have a good time? Was this visit supposed to be strictly friendly?

Finally he responded with “I’ve missed you too, Marco.”

Their visit only lasted a few hours, then Marco had to head out to his interview.

As Bucky was seeing him out, he opened his arms to hug his old friend. Marco smiled and confidently pulled his face into a very sultry kiss.

When it ended, the two men looked gratified by it. 

Marco kept his hands on the other man’s face, he seemed to be examining him closely. “We have been chatting this whole time and you never mentioned you’ve been stressed about something. I can see it in your forehead. You got worry lines. Have you been sleeping?” 

Rolling his eyes, Bucky replied, “Yes, I’ve been sleeping. I’m fine.” He gently took Marco’s hands down from his cheeks. “It was nice to see you. Good luck on that interview.”

“I enjoyed seeing you too, James.” Marco said, adjusting his vest and turning to open the door. He paused to face him, “Listen um...by the time I get out of this thing, it will probably be peak traffic time. I’m wondering if it would be cool if I-”

Bucky sighed knowingly, “You can come back here and hang out after.”

Marco looked up at him through his lashes, “I don’t want to impose.” 

“It’s my night off. It works out perfectly.”

“Awesome! See you in a bit.” There was a bounce to Marco’s step as he left.

Bucky went to play a few rounds of his favorite video game with Scott online. By the time he was finished, Marco was already on his way back.

As Bucky waited, he couldn’t help but feel a little aroused. Even though there was no promise of what would happen, Marco _did_ kiss the hell out of him earlier without so much as a questioning look.

Was that just a promise of what was to come? Bucky freshened up just in case.

Soon there was a knock at the front door. Promptly, as the door opened, Marco emerged with a big smile on his face and connected their lips eagerly. 

It felt too good for Bucky not to kiss back. “I take it your interview went well?” he laughed.

Marco giggled back, leaning his head down to suck on Bucky’s earlobe. With a shiver, Bucky managed to move around enough to shut and lock the door.

“They’re gonna call me by 7 whether I got the job or not.” said Marco into his ear, “I need a distraction for the next 2 hours.” He emphasized his point by letting his hands wander to Bucky’s ass and squeezing.

“Oh yeah?” said Bucky real low, pushing the other man against the wall. “You just assume I just want to fuck you right now?” His tone was playful. 

Marco always picked up on it, “Well don’t you? Isn’t this okay? I was staring at that dining table the whole time I was here and I couldn’t help but notice it was the perfect height for getting fucked on.”

Bucky glanced over his shoulder at the aforementioned piece of furniture, “Hell no. I eat there.”

“I just have a feeling I am going to need something to hold onto.” he moaned, pulling Bucky into more smoldering kisses.

“Hold on to me.” Bucky told him low and gravelly. He took Marco by the hand and led him into his bedroom.

When they were stripped completely, there were no words exchanged. Bucky pushed Marco to his back on the bed and dropped on top of him to keep roughly making out and thrusting their bodies together.

Marco quickly asked for lube and condoms, and began to prepare himself quickly. Bucky watched, stroking himself in awe then took over aggressively. They were grunting and moaning gutturally like animals. 

It wasn’t long before Bucky couldn’t take it anymore and rolled Marco over until he was bent over on all fours. They had rough, vigorous sex that was over pretty quickly but left them both with blinding orgasms.

Afterward, they washed up in the bathroom and got dressed. They sat on the couch together and cracked open some bottles of root beer.

“I’m happy you wanted to hang out with me.” Marco told him, “Not just because of the... _hot_ sex. I was just...worried you’d not want to see me ever again, or so soon anyway.”

“It’s been months.” Bucky said as he took a sip from his root beer, “I would never be mad at you, Marco. I just thought it would be a good idea for us to take some time apart.”

“It _was_ good for us. After that last phone call we had, it just sounded like a goodbye. I applied for jobs all over the place right before I sold my bar and I saw it as fate that my interview was here.”

“I also meant what I said earlier,” Bucky told him, “I’m not interested in a relationship right now. There’s too much shit going on.”

Marco giggled, “I know. I didn’t think this meant we were...whatever again. I mean, I just changed my life path. I am definitely not stable enough for something serious right now either.”

Bucky nodded and turned on some music on tv for background noise.

“I would like to be friends.” added Marco, sipping his own root beer, “It would be nice if we spoke regularly again.”

That got him a smile out of the long haired man, “Okay, I think that could be arranged.”

“If I move here, would you hang out with me from time to time?”

“Sure.” smirked Bucky.

“And fuck the life out of me like you just did?” Marco asked, wagging his brows.

“We’ll see how it goes.” Bucky laughed.

Marco gets a call from the design company a little before 7 and is told that he has a second interview in 2 days. When he hangs up, he stands and Bucky stands with him, pulling him into a bear hug and telling Marco congratulations. 

Pretty soon after, Marco goes to take off, saying he should probably go and get more long term housing arrangements. Of course, the man had to pull Bucky into another hot kiss that he would feel on his lips the rest of the night.

When Bucky was alone once again, he definitely felt more calm than he had in weeks. He’s so relaxed, that even when his sister video calls Bucky to bitch about her life, he listens attentively and it doesn’t phase him a bit.

Marco’s statement kept echoing in Bucky’s head  
“ _Don’t be sorry, gorgeous. You set me free._ ” It puts his mind at ease.  
\----------------------------------

Tony was still sitting in bed with his boyfriend, waiting for him to speak. His eyes were drifting over the curves of Steve’s face, admiring him even though he appeared to be having an inner conflict.

It was too difficult for Steve to make eye contact as he stared out the giant bedroom windows. He noticed the city lights that were starting to come on in the dusk. “So...as you know, therapy has been really helping me out.” Steve told him, “I should have kept doing this after I got back from my tour, not just because I was at war but because...I needed to reflect on some things inside myself. That’s all because of you, and I can’t thank you enough for that, Honey.”

That statement seemed to make Tony smile a little. 

Mentally, Steve said goodbye to that expression on his man’s face. It might be a while before he sees it again.

He was attempting to look at Tony as he spoke “I also...needed to go to therapy because I needed advice, or like, guidance.”

“For...life?” Tony asked.

“I guess so. For something that keeps coming up in my life over and over, no matter how much I try to get rid of it.”

Tony’s face went white, “Like a drug habit?”

“No, well almost...” Steve sighed, shaking his head. “I um…see, my habit is a person.”

“What?” 

Taking a deep breath, Steve started over and went into the entire history of he and Bucky. He even told Tony about how they slept together in High School and the military and finally, went into what happened when Tony was away on his trip.  
“I didn’t tell you anything and I should have.” Steve told him, managing to hold back his tears. He needed to stare down at the floor so as to not look at the look on Tony’s face. 

“We were physical multiple times in that week. He basically has been pushing me away since then, that’s why we don’t hang out.” Steve said, “I...searched for a reason I would allow myself to do something like that. I don’t have one for you. I was just...an asshole.” His tears fell silently down his cheeks as he checked Tony’s expression.

The older man was staring blankly ahead. It was taking him a minute to absorb all the information he was given. Mostly Tony started to feel the betrayal, and hurt but mostly stupid for not noticing anything before.

The two of them had been spending most of their free time together. They had meals together and chatted about their daily lives and coworkers frequently. It really was a nice routine they fell into, sharing everything and leaning on each other. 

Was it all just too good to be true?

Tony felt his heart crack at the edges.

Steve was still talking and sobbing but Tony had zoned out and didn’t hear what he was saying. It was like he had tunnel vision as he stared right past Steve’s face.

“Tony?” asked Steve, tipping his head and searching his eyes. “Did you hear what I asked?”

“No...no, I didn’t.”

“Ah fuck, honey…”Steve sobbed, “I feel so awful. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am. I have been taking forever to unpack my stuff because I was worried you would kick me out. I mean...do you want me to leave? It’s okay if you do.”

Tony slowly shook his head, “Why would I kick you out?”

Wiping his face with both hands, Steve whimpered, “Because, I’m despicable.”

Strong hands cupped Steve’s red face, “No, you aren’t.” The older man’s face looked hurt but still concerned with his boyfriend’s feelings.

“I am.” cried Steve, shaking his head and gently taking away his boyfriends hands. “I’m not pitying myself, Tony. It’s been awful living with what I did to you, to us. I kept letting it go on and on when I could have stopped.”

Looking like he was shaken from a trance, Tony asked “Wait, is this why you’ve had chest pains?”

Steve looked embarrassed but answered yes.

Tony’s hands settled on the blonde man’s shoulders, “Why’d you keep it from me for so long?”

Shakily, the other man admitted he was terrified. “We are just starting the next step in our relationship. In therapy, I figured out that I probably did it because of the bomb dropped on me about work and he was there to comfort me. I know that’s not the greatest reason, I mean, there was obvious tension there from before.” Steve’s voice cracked as he said “It will never happen again.”

The hands gently cupping the blonde’s large shoulders dropped. 

Tony’s body went limp as he leaned back against the headboard and sighed. He started to think about how Bucky hadn’t contacted him personally. The last time he heard anything from the man was when Steve had officially moved in. Bucky insisted to pay Tony back as soon as possible for the rent. The conclusion they reached was that they should meet up and talk about it, but that never happened and it had been months now.

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally, when Tony found his voice again he said “Steve, we always, _always_ tell each other everything. We always agreed on one thing since day one and that was transparency.”

A new wave of pain seemed to hit Steve and it showed in his forehead. “I know, honey. I am trying to now and I know it’s too late. I know I waited too long and I shouldn’t have.” Fresh, fat tears started to fall down his face yet again. Steve was flinching and waiting to be yelled at or finally told he needs to get the fuck out.

His heart broke even harder seeing tears start to fall silently down Tony’s cheeks. “It obviously meant something,” sniffed Tony, “for you to do it continuously like that.” The two of them made eye contact. “Do you love him?” 

Steve looked shocked at that question but didn’t answer. He just started to cry harder. 

“Fuck.” muttered Tony, getting up and walking over to their large windows to look down at the view.

“Like I said,” whimpered Steve, “he doesn’t talk to me anymore. Bucky feels terrible and he wants to apologize to you but he is also scared. It was my idea. He’s my best friend and really was trying to just be supportive at first. I pushed it too far.”

Tony whimpers and sobs quietly to himself, keeping his back to his boyfriend.

Steve buries his face in his hands but jumps at the loud crash echoing in their bedroom. Abruptly he uncovered his eyes to see a broken vase shattered on the floor and the pedestal it once sat on still rocking back and forth.

“Tony…?” Steve asks softly. Tony whips around to face him angrily and roughly wipes his tears away with the back of his hand. The older man calmed his breath and stomped (around the broken glass) back over to the bed. He stood next to it so as to tower over Steve.

There was a bit of fear in Steve’s eyes as he looked up at his boyfriend.

Tony wasn’t moving, he wasn’t talking, he just stared furiously at him. His thoughts were too chaotic to put them into words.

This was it. Steve started to prepare himself for the ass kicking he rightfully deserved. He’d probably be kicked out at least for the night and have to go maybe stay with Natasha or Sam. Then he’d have to explain what happened to Sam possibly.

Surprisingly, Tony slid down to his knees on the rug. Steve moved to the edge of the bed to plant his feet on the floor. Noticing the older man cry, he opened his arms and let Tony slide between his legs to hug him at the waist.

“I love you.” came Tony’s defeated sigh.

Steve’s arms went around the other man’s torso and he hugged him close. “I love you too, Tony.” he whimpered, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” They started to cry together in their tight embrace.

A few moments later, Steve pulled them out of the hug and looked down at the sad man in front of him. He waited patiently for his boyfriend to speak. Softly, Tony finally said, “I don’t know how to ever trust you again, Steve.”

Steve nodded with worried brows. “You just…” Tony continued, “I’m sad because of the level of...betrayal. It’s not like you at all.” He got up to sit next to Steve on the edge. “I mean, I still love you enough to...work on it.” sighed Tony.

That statement shocked Steve, “You mean that?” He still looked sad. Steve himself wasn’t sure if that was the fair thing to do.

Tony cleared his throat to say “Yes, I do. I think it’s reasonable that you not hang out with Bucky for a while and keep this distance between you. Ultimately, you had to go to therapy and had chest pains. This situation has obviously been ripping you apart. Even though that could have been avoided, it happened...and you have been different lately, probably from organizing your thoughts, right? The longer you waited, the more it seems to have worn you down.”

“That’s true.” said Steve weakly, “Just don’t give me a pass, Tony. I don’t deserve it.”

Tony’s head snapped over to look at him, “Oh, I am in no way giving you a pass. Like I said, we’ll have to repair this trust between us. I’m upset, I just...don’t know what kind of upset to feel.”

Steve timidly put an arm around his shoulders. “I get that.”

A few more tense silent minutes went by before Tony sat up straight to speak. “I think the Army is going to keep my contract.” That statement confused his boyfriend.

“I know it’s not the same thing,” said Tony, “but I have been hiding it from you too, and I felt guilty. Seems stupid now.”

Steve shook his head, “Why did you think you couldn’t tell me that?”

“I thought you’d be mad at me since you were forced to quit.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.” Steve said.

Tony sighed, “Okay...I’m going to get a bath. I need to be alone.” He gets up from the bed and grabs a bottle of Johnny Walker to take with him. As Tony stepped into the bathroom he could hear Steve cry again. He forced himself not to pause or look back, shutting the door behind him.

That night, after Tony fell asleep (passed out in their bed), Steve had cleaned up the broken vase and made himself comfortable in the living room. The TV was on, but he wasn’t really watching it. 

Natasha was texting him about finally coming clean. Steve asked her if he should tell Bucky, she said he should. Nervously, he sent Bucky a “you still awake?” text.

Steve still asked to call. Bucky said he was just going to bed.

“I told Tony about everything.” Steve wrote.

“I figured you would soon. That’s good I guess. Feel better?”

“I’ve missed you,” typed Steve, “Missed having you around. I know we can’t just fix our friendship immediately, but I hope you and I can start the process. I want you to be happy and not push me away anymore.”

“Am I pushing you away right now? I’m replying, aren’t I?”

Steve huffed and wrote “You have been, Buck. I want the three of us to move forward.”

“We can, Steve. We can all move on and I can move away. Probably somewhere in New England.” responds Bucky.

“Why? Why do you need to move away?”

“You know the original intention was to stay here temporarily. It seems like I’d be better off starting fresh somewhere.”

Steve grabbed his chest as it felt tight suddenly. He rushed over to the kitchen counter to take his medicine. When he was calmed down he wrote to Bucky, “Please don’t, Buck.”

“I have to be wherever is best for me.” Bucky replied, “It may not be here. I’m going to need to eventually apologize personally to Tony, but after that, I probably will start looking for somewhere to live.”

“So, are you going to ignore me then flee again for a few years?”

“Only if you make it difficult to speak to you. I hope you and Tony work things out. I am going to start paying Tony back in the next month. You tell him that I will call him. I got to go to bed now. Goodnight.”

“Night.” Steve replied. Why did that sound like a goodbye? “Is something wrong?” he asks Bucky.

“Why do you ask that? I just want to go to sleep.” he responded.

Steve typed “It just sounds like you don’t want me to contact you anymore and you are just telling me your plans before you block me.”

“Did I say that?”

“No, but that’s how it sounded.”

“What do you want from me, Steve?”

Steve’s stomach dropped. “Nothing. I just want you to stop talking down to me.”

“Sorry I’m being short with you. I’m not trying to be. I’m having a hard time and I don’t feel like talking.”

Feeling concerned, Steve asked what was going on.

“My sister called earlier and told me dad had a stroke. He’s alright and can talk and move around but his throat cancer is getting worse. Also, my nephew is due soon and all this stress from my dad is giving her braxton hicks. She’s on bed rest. On top of all this, I want to talk to my best friend about these things but I can’t!”

Steve didn’t know what to say about all of that. He simply responded, “The baby is okay though?”

“Yeah, I think so.” he responded.

“I’m sorry all that happened, Buck. I didn’t know.”

“You couldn’t have.” said Bucky, “I didn’t tell Natasha.”

“What?”

“I know she updates you on how I’m doing.”

“Well, I hope things go better for you and your family.”

“Thanks. Hope things go well for you and Tony. Just do what you have to and earn back his trust. I need to soon, myself. We just can’t get together any time soon.”

“You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

Bucky said “I just thought I’d mention it because in times like these you like to comfort me.”

Steve scoffed to himself, “I know right? I’m such an asshole.” He drank some water and breathed deeply as he felt fresh tears start to fall down his cheeks. All this sobbing was really starting to leave him feeling dehydrated. His eyes burned by now.

“Alright, maybe you and I shouldn’t text anymore.” said Bucky.

An audible groan rumbled in Steve’s chest. “Stop.” he wrote.

“I told you before that I was going to bed. You just need to realize that things will never be the same between me and you. Even if time goes by and we heal, it’s still just not going to be like it was. So just leave me alone.”

Furiously Steve typed “Fine! You know what, I was trying to be nice and be supportive. Have a nice fucking life!” After the message was read, he blocked all notifications from Bucky’s number and slammed the phone face down on the coffee table. 

Feeling more alone than ever, Steve laid down on the couch under his blanket and cried himself to sleep.


End file.
